


You are my sunshine

by Gegenwind



Series: You are my sunshine [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Artistic!Reader, Crying, Depression, Drama, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Female Reader, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Lots of Angst Actually, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Multi, Reader-Insert, Romance, Slow Build, Small!Reader, Songtexts and quotes, Student!Reader - Freeform, Teacher-Student Relationship, Triggers, Unrequited Crush, You'll literally drown in an ocean of tears, a lot of crying, teacher!levi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-05
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-03-14 10:35:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 77,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13588272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gegenwind/pseuds/Gegenwind
Summary: She was drowning. Suffering. Breaking. Every painful word one could imagine. She was lost, looking for something to hold onto again, something to stop this world from spinning to breathe once again.When I lost my mother, I lost a part of myself, too. It was like drowning while I could see everyone around me breathing.Though I received help, I was struggling - I didn't know how to be me anymore and I wasn't sure how to love, either.And that's when he came into my life; and when I realized how wrong everything was, I was already falling again.





	1. Help

**Author's Note:**

> I am back! And yes, my exams are nearly all over. I have two left in March and then the new semester can start.
> 
> So, here is the promised story I've been working on for a while now. And ah, the forbidden bliss of a Teacher/Student relationship once again. I wanted to write something like for ages and I finally have the chance to. And I hope you like it.  
> The story starts off pretty dark and it might be a bit confusing but the story will explain itself throughout the following chapters.
> 
> Enjoy yourself, my dear reader!

_You are my sunshine, my only sunshine._

_You make me happy when skies are grey._

_You’ll never know dear, how much I love you …_

_Please don’t take my sunshine_

_away._

_Vicki Harrison once said, grief is like an ocean; it comes in waves, ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim._

 

 

     She was drowning. Suffering. Breaking. Every painful word one could imagine. She was lost, looking for something to hold onto again, something to stop this world from spinning to breathe once again. It was exhausting.

     It was too early for her to lose a parent, a _mother_ , and no one could give her what she just lost – the feeling of security, unconditional love, a family.

     Her friends watched her losing the one person in her life she loved and needed the most. They watched her losing herself for three weeks until the term ended and summer break started.

     No one had seen her over the holidays, no one could reach her phone and she never opened the door if someone would stop by to look after her.

 

     And then, with autumn coming around, she was back. Dull eyes, a sad smile – _broken_. Her friends were relieved to see her again. They hugged her and smiled at her but no one could deny that she had changed. She wasn’t herself anymore. _As if a part of her had died as well_.

     It was a change everyone noticed – even her teachers. And when her friends couldn’t help her anymore, her teachers stepped in.

     Two weeks after the new term had started, she sat alone in Mr. Smith’s classroom, looking out of the window and waiting for her teacher to show up. It wasn’t like she didn’t care; she just didn’t know how to feel anymore, pushing all the help away because she was so stuck in this darkness, she was scared about what would happen if she would leave it.

 

     »[Name],« she heard a calm voice. She looked up to meet Mr. Smith’s worried blue eyes. He sat down in front of her, smiling a little. »I thought, we should do this in private. Just you and me.«

     She nodded. It was hard to be with too many people.

     »Your friends said that they couldn’t get in touch with you all summer. They are worried, [Name], and so am I. You can’t tell me you’re alright. So please, be honest with me; what were you doing all summer? How have you been?«

     There it was, the question she had feared the most. _How have you been_.

     She didn’t answer her friends when they asked. But she couldn’t be quiet anymore. Mr. Smith, her history teacher, was not close to her. She couldn’t hurt him with the words that were killing her, could she? She was shaking, fighting against an overwhelming wave of guilt and sadness.

     »I’m sorry, Mr. Smith,« she managed to say, »I don’t know what’s happening to me. I feel like I’m losing it.«

     It wasn’t a lie. Oh, how she wished it was. Summer had been hell. She was alone in that house which smelled like her mother, everything she’d left was still there, untouched. She was crying. Days, nights, weeks. She was drowning in an ocean of grief. Lost, alone and slowly breaking apart.

     She wanted her friends to help. But she couldn’t bring herself to face them after everything that had happened.

     »It’s okay, [Name], let it all out.« Mr. Smith had taken one of her fragile, cold hands into his warm, big ones while she was sobbing uncontrollably, everything breaking down on her, everything that she had tried to hide so hard over the past two weeks.

 

 

     It had happened a month before term had ended. [Name]’s mother had been gravely injured in a car crash on her way to work and was in a coma after that. [Name] had received the news during history class; and Erwin had been there, witnessing her mental breakdown, holding her in the hallway and driving her to the hospital.

     Her mother died a week after the accident. She didn’t regain her consciousness and [Name] had another mental breakdown. Erwin had wanted to talk to her after that but he didn’t succeed; none of the teachers did – and not even her friends.

     A few months had passed since and here she was now, crying for all she was worth and Erwin’s heart pounded painfully in his chest. Seeing one of the brightest students he’d ever known so _devastated_ was a terrible experience to make.

     »I d-don’t know … wha-what happened to me … over su-summer,« she sobbed, »I … I …«

     Erwin decided that she didn’t need a teacher right now. It wasn’t his place to do so and it was hardly appropriate but he didn’t care about that. He pulled her into a gentle embrace, letting her sob into his shirt. She was so much smaller than him and her body seemed so fragile that he was afraid to break her.

     She clung to him as if she was drowning, her shaking legs barely holding her weight.

     »Please, let us help you, [Name],« he whispered, stroking her back lightly, »you’re my student and I am really, _really_ worried about you. And not just me. We all worry about you.« He felt her hands clutching his shirt even stronger. A tremor went through her body and if he wouldn’t have held her, her legs would’ve given in. She was now breathing hard and Erwin feared that she might go into a fit.

     »[Name], breathe,« he said, still trying to be as calm as possible.

     »Mr. Smith … I … I have d-done something terrible.«

     She sounded as if she’d just told him that she had committed a murder. Erwin pushed her back slightly to meet her eyes but she averted his gaze.

     In this very moment, realization hit him. He pulled her to him again, hugging her tight. »Oh, [Name] …«

     »I’m so sorry,« she started crying again, »it just happened.«

 

     After a few more minutes, when she finally stopped crying, he made her sit down on the chair again. He knelt in front of her. »Please, show me your forearms.«

     Reluctant, she stretched out her arms, looking away when her teacher carefully rolled up her sleeves. The scars were already fading but some of them must’ve been deep enough to last for a lifetime. There was a small tattoo on her left forearm, too, near her pulse.

     »You need to see a professional, [Name].« Erwin had put bandages on her arms. »Losing a mother is hard, I know that. But you can’t destroy your body like that.«

     »I can’t afford a therapist, Mr. Smith,« she said, still avoiding his gaze. »I’m still paying the medical bills from my mother and other costs. And … I don’t want to … to talk to strangers …«

     Erwin sighed. »Listen, [Name], if you can’t afford a therapist, then I want you to talk to me once a week. I am not a psychologist, but I want to help you. You can’t go on like that.«

     »Thank you, Mr. Smith,« she whispered with a faint smile on her lips, a last tear slipping down her cheek.

 

     »You can come in now,« Erwin called and the door opened. She saw her friends, worry written all over their faces and her heart sank a bit. She looked down and covered the bandages as fast as possible.

     Marco was the first to approach her. »We already know, [Name],« he said softly and patted her head. »I’ve seen them during chemistry.«

     »I am so sorry.«

     »It’s not your fault,« Armin said, »just … don’t push us away again. We were so worried.«

     »You all …,« was the only thing she managed to say before she started crying for the third time this day. Marco pulled her into a hug, followed by the others until they were group-hugging the girl. Erwin smiled and left the classroom. It would be a long year for all of them.

 

✿✿✿

 

     While he walked down the hallway, he passed several of his colleagues, including Petra who greeted him with one of her beautiful smiles.

     »Oh, wait a minute, Erwin!« He turned around, looking at Petra in confusion. She hurried towards him, her ginger locks falling into her face.

     »What is it, Petra?« he asked, offering her a warm smile.

     »I heard that you wanted to talk to [Name] and I just … I am worried about her.«

     Erwin looked at his colleague. Petra was the teacher of [Name]’s art class and according to her husband, [Name] was definitely one of her favourites. Erwin had only seen the doodles on her worksheets so far but they were cute and funny.

     »I’ve just left her with her friends. She seems to be still troubled by her mother’s death but she agreed to see me once a week.«

     »Good.« Petra seemed to be relieved. She smiled sadly. »You know, ever since my first lesson, [Name] has always been so wonderfully positive and energetic. And her pictures, they were bright and colourful. It always made me happy to look at them. But after her mother died … there was nothing left but sadness. The last painting she did was … How should I describe it … It was like a scream for help. I’m glad that she’ll be in good hands.«

     »Well, I do hope so,« Erwin said and blushed lightly at the compliment. »She’s one of my best students and I don’t want her to bear all of this pain alone. I know what it’s like to lose a parent when you’re too young to deal with it.«

     »A lot of us do.« Petra sighed. »But she likes you, Erwin. I think she trusts you a lot more than others. Oruo always says that I worry way too much but that’s just who I am.« Petra laughed and put one hand on his arm. »Have a nice afternoon, Erwin.« She waved him goodbye and left him in the hallway.

 

 

     Petra always reminded him of [Name] – they were both kind, friendly and they cared immensely for others. They even shared their love for art and [Name] was always so happy when it was finally time for this specific class. He hoped that she would get this happiness back one day – he knew too well that some things needed more time than others did, but he really wished that she wouldn’t get stuck in this cycle of depression and self-harm.

     Back in the staff room, he poured coffee in his mug and sat together with Hanji and Levi. He still had work to do, he was tired and still worried about [Name].

 

     »Erwin?«

     »Uh, what?« Erwin looked up to meet Hanji’s curious eyes. He hadn’t even noticed that she was talking to him. »Sorry, I was lost in thoughts. What did you say?«

     »Never mind, uhm, just today’s experiment that went a little bit off hand, but don’t worry, nobody was injured.« She laughed out loud. »But anyway, a penny for your thoughts?« Hanji looked at him with an encouraging smile.

     »Ah, it’s just … Well, I talked to [Name] [Last name] earlier. It was … exhausting.« Erwin sighed and drank at least half of his now cold coffee at once.

     »Oh, I see. Well, I noticed that she didn’t act like herself lately, but who is she to blame? Her mother died.«

     »You knew her mother, didn’t you.« Levi looked up from his paperwork and sipped at his black tea.

     »Yes, I did. Her mother was an amazing person, she was my senior in High School.«

     »You never mentioned something like that, Hanji. But, uhm, how should I put it, [Name]’s mother must’ve been-«

     »Older than me than just two years?« Hanji finished his sentence laughing. »She was. But she got pregnant when she was sixteen and after she gave birth to [Name] she gave up school. She returned to graduate a few years later, that’s when I met her.«

     »I understand. Say, Hanji, were you friends with [Name]’s mother after her graduation?«

     »Uh, yes, we were. Why are you asking?«

     »Could you look after her a bit? I mean, she shouldn’t be alone that often. And maybe she’ll open up to someone who was close to her mother.«

     »Tch, Shitty Glasses would do more damage than good,« Levi said, crossing his arms. »Besides, doesn’t she have a family to take care of her? Where’s the father?«

     Hanji threw a pen at him. »You’re horrible, Short Stuff. Her mother did cut every contact with [Name]’s father when she found out that he cheated on her. Her parents threw her out when she got pregnant and there are no other relatives. She was married once, but they divorced before [Name] entered Middle School.«

     »Levi, I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t give her a hard time on purpose.«

     »Tch.«

 

     As [Name]’s maths teacher, he really didn’t have to do anything to give any of the students a hard time – the subject alone was enough to make them cry. Usually, Levi didn’t really pay attention to students who didn’t speak at all and whose grades were always perfect – in fact, he never thought about [Name] much. She was quiet, worked hard, always handed in her homework on time and her grades never made him upset. She was an exemplary student and he always thought that she was quite popular among her classmates.

     He didn’t intent to do anything to her. She would get over it – just like he did when he was her age.

 

✿✿✿

 

     It was not just [Name] who was lying in bed awake that night, wondering what the year would bring.


	2. Talk

     »I swear, Mr. Zacharias is crazy. How am I supposed to write a five-page essay until Monday? I mean, there’s a _weekend_ in between!« Jean whined and nearly slammed his fork onto his plate. »It’s not like I have a life to live or a boyfriend I would love to spend time with.«

     It was Friday, lunch break. [Name] sat together with Jean and Marco, talking about the homework Mr. Zacharias, their literature teacher, just gave them. She was quietly listening to Jean, not really focusing on his words or her food. It had been two months since Mr. Smith confronted her about her well-being and ever since then, she’d spent her Friday afternoons in his classroom, talking to him. She didn’t look forward to today’s meeting, though. Her week hadn’t been that good. She was busy with work and she had had a maths exam yesterday which – she supposed – didn't go that well, judging from the look she had received from Mr. Ackerman while passing him in the hallway.

     »Oi, [Name], can I get an answer?« Jean waved a hand in front of her face. »Geez, stop spacing out on me when I’m offering to take you home after your chitty chat with Mr. Smith.«

     »Uhm, sorry,« she mumbled and sighed. »But you don’t have to wait for me, Jean. I’m working tonight and I’ll go straight to the café after my therapy session. But thank you for offering, that’s why I love you.« She offered him a kind smile.

     »When does your shift end?« Marco asked. He was silent until now, watching [Name] with concern in his eyes. She had gotten better since that faithful day after term had started but she was still a bit off, she spaced out a lot and she seemed to be really tired. Marco knew that she had to work part-time to pay off all the bills and the rent for her apartment. She never talked much about her work, he only knew that she part-timed as a waitress in a small café.

     »At ten,« she answered and put her fork down. She didn’t eat much.

     »We’ll pick you up then,« said Jean. »It’s freaking cold outside.« Jean was among the few people who already had a car and since he had his drivers licence he would always offer to pick her up from wherever she was to bring her home. Despite the first impression of Jean, he was actually really kind and caring. That was one of the reasons [Name] enjoyed his company so much. But sometimes she just wanted to free her mind and to walk alone but if they found out she would go home alone in the middle of the night, they would most likely go into a fit.

     »I really appreciate it that you two care about me so much but you should spend the evening alone. I feel like I am a part of your relationship already. And that feels pretty strange, to be honest.«

     Marco put one arm around her shoulder. »Well, you were the one to bring us together, so you _are_ a part of our relationship. But you’re our friend too and I would never forgive myself if something would happen to you if we could’ve avoided it.«

     [Name] couldn’t help but feel guilty. No matter what she did lately, she caused her friends nothing but worry and she was really exhausted. It was hard to feel something else than sadness and exasperation when everyone around her treated her like she was on the verge of suicide. She sighed. »Thank you then, Jean, Marco. I appreciate that.«

 

     Marco and Jean finished their meals and together, they left for the next lesson. But everything [Name] could think of was her talk to Mr. Smith. She really liked him a lot but she didn’t feel like talking today, at all. She had tried to lie to him about her well-being, but it really seemed like she was the world’s worst liar.

     During Ms. Zoe’s wild explanation, she didn’t really pay attention to her surroundings. She looked out of the window, completely lost in her thoughts. [Name] had been known for daydreaming even before her mother had died. Most of the teachers let her, though, because her grades never dropped and if asked a question, she could answer it just fine. The only class she really paid attention to was maths because it was most likely the only subject she had serious trouble with since Mr. Ackerman had taken over the class two years ago.

     Her previous maths teacher, Mr. Bozard, had fallen down the stairs and broken both of his legs and couldn’t teach for a while. After he recovered, however, Mr. Ackerman kept [Name]’s class, because it was apparently their last year and it wouldn’t make any sense to switch teachers. While no one had had a problem with Mr. Bozard’s ways of teaching, most of the class was troubled with Mr. Ackerman. He made everything seem more complicated than it really was and the only two students who seemed to deal with it just fine were Armin and Reiner. Armin was a genius and Reiner was in the physics class and even wanted to study that subject after graduation – so it was no wonder he was good at maths.

     [Name] had always managed to keep her good grades but recently, she also had trouble with understanding their topics and could only keep up with Armin’s or Reiner’s help. She was working at least five times a week and had barely time to study anymore.

     While Ms. Zoe showed her class today’s experiment, [Name] prepared herself to face Mr. Smith afterwards. Her history teacher was really nice and even offered her to call him Erwin during their meetings. He made sure that she was as comfortable as possible and normally, he wouldn’t pressure her into an awkward conversation. Today was different, though. [Name] didn’t want to talk at all, all she wanted was some peace and quiet. Even Ms. Zoe’s voice was way too loud for her liking today.

     Mr. Berner, the laboratory assistant, brought some liquids and demanded his superior to be careful. Ms. Zoe was known for her quite exiting lessons – she loved to do dangerous experiments and [Name] often wondered if she was even allowed to do them at school, but she always made sure not to cause any damage. Her poor assistant seemed on the brink of a heart attack every time something exploded and [Name] couldn’t help but feel sympathy towards him.

 

     Most of the students made fun of Ms. Zoe because of the way she handled her class but she was actually a really nice person in private. [Name] had known her for quite a while now; her mother had once introduced her to her daughter after her divorce. Hanji had stepped in with the biggest smile [Name] had ever seen and a large amount of chocolate for her quite heartbroken mother. [Name] must’ve been ten at that time. Hanji’s visits became frequent and [Name] found out that the strange woman her mother called a good friend was really funny.

     Hanji’s visits became something [Name] was looking forward to until she entered High School and found out that Hanji would be her chemistry teacher. It was a bit awkward at first but she got used to it. The only time [Name] had actually seen Hanji cry was when her mother had died. Hanji had held her hand during the entire funeral.

     Before [Name] could think any further, someone poked her arm. She turned around to see Armin.

     »[Name], are you okay? I called your name a few times but you didn’t hear me. We’re actually partners for today’s experiment.« He sat down beside her, handing her some of the utensils.

     »Oh, sorry, Armin … I was just …« She sighed. »I wasn’t really paying attention, I’m sorry. I don’t even know what we’re supposed to do.«

     Armin was a nice boy and [Name] got along with him well. He just smiled and explained the task, helping her to add the right amounts of the liquids, carefully watching every movement of hers to prevent an explosion.

     They wrote down every step and once again, Armin noticed how intelligent [Name] was. After his explanation she didn’t need much help and slowly figured out by herself how the experiment worked. He had to admit that he liked her a lot; but he didn’t quite know if it was just friendship or something else. That was something even a genius like him couldn’t figure out so easily.

 

     The bell rang. [Name] and Armin packed their things up and left the classroom. »So, uhm, what are you doing this weekend?« Armin asked, rubbing the back of his neck.

     »I have to work the whole weekend,« [Name] sighed. »Plus, the essay Mr. Zacharias gave us will probably take me forever to finish. And I clearly messed up the maths exam.«

     »You know, I can help you with the maths part if you want,« Armin offered.

     »Oh, that would be-,« she stopped in mid-sentence, a look of regret on her face. »Uhm, Armin, I … You don’t need to, I mean, you must be busy as well and I don’t want to steal your time. You’ve been helping me out too often with maths lately, I have to do that on my own.«

      »I really don’t mind, [Name]. I am glad if I can help you. After all, you said that you’re busy with work. And I know that you’re not that bad at maths so you must be really troubled by that. Is Saturday okay for you?«

     »Uh, yeah, I think that would be alright. I’m working in the morning so you can stop by in the afternoon. B-But only if I am not bothering you.« The faint blush on her pale cheeks was rather cute, Armin thought and the way she nervously fiddled with her shirt just made her downright adorable.

     »Alright, I’ll stop by around three o’clock. Maybe you can help me with literature since it’s not my favourite subject.« He offered her a bright smile. It had been a few months since he had spent some time alone with [Name]. They got along well but he wasn’t as close to her as Marco or Jean.

     »I have to go, Mr. Smith is waiting for me. And I think your friends are waiting as well.« She pointed towards the exit. Mikasa and Eren stood there, apparently waiting for Armin to join them. »I’ll see you tomorrow then.«

 

✿✿✿

 

     [Name] found herself in front of Mr. Smith’s classroom earlier than she wanted to. She didn’t even know anymore why she was so bothered to visit him today, she could just tell him that she really didn’t want to talk.

     She knocked and entered when she heard her teacher’s deep voice saying, »Come in«. She entered and was greeted by a smiling Mr. Smith who had already arranged his classroom. On her first therapy session with Mr. Smith, he had noticed that she was quite uncomfortable when he was sitting at his desk with her in front. So, he had put a student’s desk in the front of the room, two chairs on each side.

      »Take a seat, [Name],« Mr. Smith said kindly, smiling at his student. She put her bag aside and sat down in front of her teacher, feeling a bit more comfortable. Mr. Smith had a calming presence, she noticed. »How was your week?«

     [Name] suppressed a sigh. »It could have been better,« she answered reluctantly, avoiding his gaze. She really wanted everyone to stop worrying already. But she couldn’t lie to him, he would notice. »I am busy with work.«

     His expression was serious. »You don’t look like you get enough sleep. If you need help with money, we can find a solution which doesn’t cause you to stay up the whole night.«

     »I am fine, Mr. Smith, don’t worry about that. It’s just that the heater broke and I have to pay the reparation fee and it’s quite expensive so I take extra shifts for more money. I’ll be back to a normal schedule after I’ve paid the extra costs.«

     He looked at her for several moments. »[Name], if you’re not comfortable with talking to me today you should say it. I don’t want to pressure you into something you don’t want. But I’d like to spend the hour with you, so you can do your homework or something else while I grade some papers, okay?«

     [Name] nodded. She was really relieved that her teacher suggested this on his own – sometimes she was just too polite to tell the people around her that she was uncomfortable. She took some papers and a pencil out of her bag and began to draw while Erwin took out his work.

 

     It was a comfortable silence. The time went by without the two of them really noticing. Maybe next time he could ask her if she wanted to listen to some music, Erwin thought and put the graded exams back into his bag. [Name] seemed to be finished as well. She looked at her drawing with something in her eyes that Erwin had missed – it was happiness, even if it just lasted for a few seconds.

     »Thank you, Mr. Smith,« [Name] said after nearly an hour and handed him the paper. It was a sketch of a landscape. »You know, I love my friends and I really appreciate that they want to help me so much but sometimes I just prefer to not talk at all.«

     »I see, so that’s what’s been bothering you,« Erwin said, »but have you ever told them?«

     »I can’t bring myself to do that. They might think I’ll push them away again and they are worried enough at the moment. I don’t want to make it worse. But seriously, I hate all this attention I’m getting at the moment.« The troubled and desperate look on her face was actually sad. She was overthinking way too much.

     »I can relate to that, but you have to tell them. They will understand, I am sure.« [Name] didn’t answer. »Also, Mr. Ackerman wanted me to talk about your last maths exam. He said it was really uncharacteristic of you to completely fail.«

     [Name]’s heart and stomach dropped. So she was right about that. Mr. Ackerman didn’t particularly like students who failed his exams.

     »It wasn’t my intention to fail,« she whispered, »but I’ve had barely time to study and I just didn’t understand our current topic at all.«

     »Why didn’t you ask him to help you?«

     »W-Well, uhm, you know … Mr. Ackerman, he, well … he scares me … Bu-But I’ll be fine, I just asked Armin if he could hep me out and he said yes, so …« [Name] was a stuttering mess by now and Erwin had to stifle a laugh. Levi was quite intimidating, that much was true, but usually the girls were utterly attracted to him and did everything to spend more time in his presence.

     »Look, [Name], I’m sure you can repeat the test. You don’t have to fear Mr. Ackerman, he can be nice if he wants to. And because he wants all his students to pass, I don’t think he’ll deny you a second chance.« He patted her arm. »He won’t bite you.«

     She just nodded.

 

✿✿✿

 

     Mr. Smith had offered to take her home but since she had to work and didn’t want him to take an extra route, she said goodbye and left the school. It was rather cold outside but [Name] didn’t really mind. At least it helped her to think of something else than her own problems. And maybe her work would help to distract her even more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Erwin so, so much. I think he would really be one of those teachers that are genuinely worried about their students. And by now it should be clear that our reader is a bit too easy to read - at least for Mr. Smith, haha.
> 
> Please tell me what you think about this chapter, the next will be super fluffy! ♥ (Because I can't keep that dark stuff up any longer, I am just thinking about my other reader-inserts and want to cry, sob.)


	3. Sleepover

     »Good work, thank you so much, dear. I don’t know what I would do without you! But you look so tired, love, aren’t you working too much?«

     »I am fine, don’t worry. You know that I need the extra money this month or else I’ll freeze to death.« [Name] put her work clothes back into her locker and grabbed her jacket and her bag. »I’ll be off then, I have someone to take me home so don’t worry.«

     »You know, [Name],« her boss leaned against the doorframe, »I am really happy to see you getting better day by day. When you started working here I was afraid that you would break. But when I look at you now … God, that smile of yours is so incredibly beautiful.«

     The owner of the small but lovely café was a nice guy in his mid-thirties with a handsome face and mysterious brown eyes. He was looking for new employees over summer and he liked [Name] so much that he had kept her as a part-time employee. He was really tolerant towards her school work and would even offer to pay her the same amount for less time – because lately, he was honestly concerned about [Name]’s health.

     [Name] chuckled a bit. »If you keep complimenting me that much it will make your boyfriend jealous.« Her boss’ boyfriend was a really nice guy and very good looking, too. And whenever he came over to visit his sweetheart, they were almost as lovely as Jean and Marco.

     »Oh, he actually said that, too. You look so fragile and you’re so kind and sweet, gosh, I want to love and protect you, darling. And you’re doing a great job even if you don’t really like to interact with people. Our customers are very pleased with you.« Suddenly, his expression turned serious. »But don’t let anyone touch you. I swear, if I ever hear that one of those filthy pigs laid a finger on you, I will burst their balls.«

     She laughed. »That’s why I love you so much. I’ll take care of myself. See you tomorrow.«

 

     The cold breeze sent a chill through her body. The moment she stepped out of the café, she started shivering like she had been outside for over an hour. She buried her face into her scarf and looked out for Jean’s car. The street was empty.

     She looked at her phone – it was quarter past ten already and she had no messages. Did they seriously forget that they wanted to get her? Should she wait here for another five minutes or go straight home? She was really tired and she wanted to finally get some sleep. To think that her shift would start at eight o’clock in the morning and that she would have Armin over in the afternoon made her groan. She was tired.

     [Name] was about to head home when she heard the familiar sound of a car approaching her.

     »We’re so sorry, [Name]!« Marco apologized after she had gotten into the car. »Have you been standing there for long?«

     »No, actually just five minutes,« she said. »What were you doing anyways?«

     »His mother,« Jean grumbled and pulled into the street again. »She wouldn’t let him sleep at my place and acted like we were two little kids not able to take care of ourselves. Or better, I am sure she thinks that one of us could get pregnant.« Jean rolled his eyes.

     It was true, Marco’s mother was quite strange. »But you’re boys,« [Name] pointed out, »there is no way one of you could get pregnant.«

     »Tell her!«

     »Jean, could we please not talk about my mother anymore, now? She let us go, didn’t she?« Marco sounded desperate. The freckled boy sighed.

     »But if you wouldn’t have told her that a girl is waiting for us in the middle of the night we might be still standing in your kitchen listening to her nonsense.« The conversation dropped.

     The girl shifted in her seat, trying not to fall asleep. She always got drowsy during car rides but the last time she fell asleep in a car she found herself in Hanji’s arms who was bringing her to bed. That had been more embarrassing than it should’ve been.

     »Hey, Jean, my apartment is there … Where are you taking me?« Jean didn’t stop at her place and seemed to ignore her comment. »Marco, what are you guys up to?«

     »Don’t get mad, [Name], we’re heading to Jean’s. It has been a while since we spent some time together. Sorry that we had to take this way but you would never come over by yourself anymore.« Marco gave her an apologetic smile but his friend just huffed in frustration.

     »Guys, I really love you but I am tired and I just want to go home. Plus, I don’t want to be there when you do … couple stuff or whatever. Please, Jean, just take me home. I have to get up early and work tomorrow.« She nearly started crying.

     »As if we would fuck right in front of your eyes,« Jean blurted out nonchalantly. »We just want to spend some time with you. And don’t worry about work, I talked to your boss earlier and he let you off for tomorrow.«

     »You-« [Name] grabbed her phone to see a message from her boss.

 

 _› Have fun tonight, darling!_ ♥♥♥ _And don’t you dare to show up before Sunday afternoon~ ‹_

 

     »I can’t believe you two did this. You could’ve asked me.«

     »Oh, we did, if you can’t remember. But you turned us down every single time. We just thought that if we wanted to spend some time with you we had to go this way. Even if I am really sorry for not telling you, [Name].« Marco, always the gentleman.

     They pulled into the driveway and got out of the car. Marco nearly dragged [Name] inside and while Jean was in the kitchen to make tea, he let the girl shower and borrow some clothes. It was a normal thing between the three of them even if Jean and Marco’s clothes were way too big for the petite girl. It looked quite cute and funny, though.

     When [Name] joined the boys in the living room, Jean thrust a steaming cup of tea into her hands while taking the towel from her head to dry off her hair. She was dead tired by now but she tried her best not to upset the boys even more.

     She knew that she hadn’t seen a lot of people lately – mostly Hanji or Mr. Smith – but as she’d told her history teacher today, some days she just didn’t want to talk. Maybe it was the right point to tell her friends.

     »Guys, there’s something I need to tell you,« she began, putting the mug on the coffee table, avoiding to look into their eyes. »You know that you are important to me. And I know that I am not the girl I used to be anymore. But sometimes, I just feel like not talking at all, okay? I hate it to see you guys so worried about me, it makes me feel like I haven’t made any improvement. I am trying, you know. But I don’t even know why it isn’t that easy. I already am broken, you don’t have to treat me like I could shatter.«

     »[Name], we’re … Please, don’t cry.« Marco pulled her into a hug. »Guess we’re all idiots.«

     »We are,« said Jean, joining the hug and rubbing circles on [Name]’s back.

 

✿✿✿

 

     [Name] ended up falling asleep against Marco’s chest. Since Jean’s parents weren’t home, there would be no one to wake her up if she was sleeping peacefully on the couch in his bedroom; his parents had the bad habit to burst into his room on weekends at seven o’clock and he didn’t even know why. While Jean took her upstairs, Marco cleaned everything up and followed his boyfriend.

     »You know, I really miss our Disney-marathon evenings,« Marco mumbled after they laid down. Jean held him in a tight embrace, his chin resting on his shoulder. »I think we really messed up.«

     »Yeah, I guess so,« Jean whispered, placing a kiss on Marco’s neck. »I think we should have been more decent. I am pretty sure she hates us now.«

     »I don’t hate you,« came a grumpy voice from the other side of the room. The boys chuckled. »You are just so overprotective that I can’t handle it anymore. I don’t carve attention, you know.«

     »Sorry for waking you up,« Marco said gently. »But I really meant what I said, I miss my best friend. I miss our movie nights and I miss it to just fool around with you. I miss your little fights with Jean over which colouring style would be better for a certain drawing and I really, _really_ miss cuddling with you on the sofa just to make Jean jealous.«

     »So you two _were_ doing that on purpose,« Jean groaned and released his boyfriend to sit up and cross his arms. »But yeah, I miss you, too. And we don’t fight, Marco, we are debating.«

     Marco chuckled. [Name] shifted a bit before sitting up to face the boys. It wasn’t entirely dark in Jean’s room, the moon lighting it up enough for them to see each other. Her hair was a mess by now and the too big clothing untidy. »I miss that, too,« she admitted quietly. »But no matter what I did lately, I couldn’t enjoy it at all. And I want to enjoy my time with you so I refused to come over. I’m sorry.«

     »Don’t apologize, it’s not your fault. We’re the ones to blame here. We missed you so much that we forgot to give you some space. But you never said anything, either, so we supposed it was okay. We’re the ones that should feel sorry.«

     »Marco, you’re too kind for this world.«

 

     »Hey,« Jean said softly after a moment of silence, »come over here, [Name].«

     It took her a few minutes to untangle herself from the sheets and the oversized clothing. She made her way to Jean’s bed and wanted to sit down on the edge of the mattress but Marco grabbed her arm and pulled her towards him. »H-Hey!«

     In a matter of seconds, she was lying between them, each of the boys putting an arm around her fragile features. She smelled like Jean’s shampoo, Marco noted, a scent he was quite addicted to. [Name] was blushing furiously – the last time the three of them slept like that was back in Middle School during a thunderstorm. But the boys didn’t seem to be bothered by the fact that they were all seventeen now.

     [Name] soon relaxed. She was tired and Marco and Jean were her best friends after all. It had been a long time since she was held during her sleep and it felt familiar and good. Plus, the boys were in a relationship and wouldn't touch her in a way she didn’t want them to.

     »I love you,« she mumbled nearly inaudible, before completely falling asleep.

 

✿✿✿

 

     She woke up to the sound of some rattling in the kitchen. Turning in bed, she noticed that it was too large to be her own and she slowly sat up, only vaguely remembering that she had been brought to Jean’s place after work. [Name] yawned, opening her eyes. It must’ve been two weeks since she slept for so long and without any nightmares. She looked outside. The sky was grey and it seemed like it would begin to rain soon.

     Taking her clothes, she went to the bathroom. The baggy pants Jean had given her became loose during the night and she woke up only in his long-sleeved t-shirt. She heard her friends’ voices from the kitchen. It was still early, her phone showing that it was only half past nine.

     She went downstairs. »Oh, good morning, [Name],« Marco greeted her with a loving smile on his face, putting down the plates on the table. »We didn’t think you would be up so early. It was quite late when we finally went to sleep last night.«

     »I’m fine, don’t worry. I’ve got more sleeplast night than this entire week.« [Name] took some cutlery and put it on the table. »I hope you two could sleep well.«

     »We slept perfectly fine,« Jean said, fuzzing over something on the stove. [Name] chuckled. Jean was actually a pretty good cook and he didn’t like it when someone helped him. Sometimes it was really funny to just watch him struggle with five different tasks until he admitted defeat and sheepishly asked for help.

     Marco made some toast and made [Name] sit down.

 

     »What are you up to today?«

     »Armin offered to help me with maths since I completely failed my last exam. He’ll be over around three.« [Name] sipped on her hot chocolate. »And we’re doing this essay as well. I don’t have time to do it tomorrow and Mr. Zacharias won’t be pleased to not get it on Monday.«

     Jean groaned, »I hate him.«

     »Don’t say that, Jean,« Marco petted his shoulder, »he’s actually a really good teacher, maybe even the best literature teacher we’ve ever had. Just because you don’t like the subject you can’t just say that you hate the teacher, too.«

     »Yeah, but why the fuck is he giving us a fucking essay as a homework? Over a weekend? Isn’t a weekend supposed to be homework-free?«

     »Maybe because someone couldn’t shut up during class and had to argue with a certain classmate and Mr. Zacharias got mad so he punished the whole class for it.« Marco’s gaze was quite deadly.

     And Jean didn’t bring the essay up again during breakfast.

 

     »Shall I give you a ride home, [Name]?« Jean called after her while she was slipping on her shoes. »It looks like it could start raining any second.«

     »Don’t worry, I’ll be fine. You know, it’s not that far away since I moved.« Even before her first therapy session with Mr. Smith, he had suggested to move location. [Name] had been uncomfortable in her mother’s house, there were too many triggers. Hanji and Mr. Smith had helped her to find an apartment that she could afford and luckily, it was just three blocks away from Jean’s parents’ house. »I don’t want to steal any more of your couple time.«

     »Take care, [Name],« Marco said and closed the door behind her.

     Finally, she was alone. She would need some time to recollect herself, the last few hours were quite intense. And she would be having Armin over in about three hours. She sighed. It wasn’t bad to keep herself busy but she felt that she needed a day to recharge. She didn’t even know why it was so exhausting to interact with others lately, even if she did enjoy her time with her friends.

     »I have to get better,« she murmured and entered the apartment complex just seconds before it started pouring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love our boss, haha. And yes, this is fluffy as fuck. Jean and Marco are so sweet, help me, I am drowning. And I am sorry for making our dear reader cry so much but well, I can't say that it is already over with all the tears ... And i like to write dialogue, haha.
> 
> Please tell me what you think of this chapter, the next will be fluffy and cute and a little bit emotional as well~  
> And don't worry, I didn't forget that this story is supposed to have Levi/Reader in it, but I like to take things slow. I want to tell a story and not just showing you how someone would be in bed ...
> 
> Anyway, I really hope you like this chapter because I absolutely do ♥


	4. Cookies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After surviving getting a tattoo, Valentine's Day and the dentist, I can finally upload a new chapter!  
> It was actually a bit painful to write that chapter. Because I know how it will end, sigh.  
> But you'll see~

_The other night dear, as I lay sleeping,_

_I dreamed I held you in my arms._

_But when I awoke, dear, I was mistaken._

_So I hung my head and I cried._

 

_I think that Martin Luther King Jr. was right when he said that darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do._

 

 

     Armin’s shoes were soaked when he arrived at [Name]’s apartment. He wanted to ask his mother to drive him but she had an appointment and couldn’t take him. He had been at her old house a couple of times but he had been at her new location just once and he couldn’t quite remember where to get out from the bus, so he had to walk at least twenty minutes before he found it.

     He was relieved when he finally rang the doorbell, he shivered because of his cold and wet feet and he was already ten minutes too late. [Name] opened the door with a worried expression on her face.

     »Thank god,« she said and let him in, »I thought you got lost or something. Here.« She handed him some oversized slippers which he gladly took. Armin followed her into the living room. There were just a small sofa and a coffee table, and he supposed that she ate there. He could see the small kitchen and even her bedroom which had no door.

     Armin sat down on the sofa, seeing two steaming mugs and a plate with cookies on the small table before him. He shivered again. It was actually pretty cold inside the apartment, too. [Name] finally sat down beside him, setting her maths records on the table and putting a blanket over the two of them.

     »Sorry for that. The heater is still broken and the guy who promised to repair it didn’t show up yet. But I made tea and I am positive that maths will distract us from the cold.« She laughed a little.

     »It’s okay, I don’t mind. I am more concerned about your health, it won’t do you any good.« He took a sip from his mug. A sweet and fruity taste lingered with the beverage.

     »I don’t spend a lot of time here anyway, I am fine. Shall we get started, then?«

 

     Armin soon figured out that [Name] had understood nothing during the last month of Mr. Ackerman’s classes. She had asked him for help a few times before but the questions she had then were on a higher level than he had expected – but now he could see just how frustrated she was for not being able to follow Mr. Ackerman’s explanations. And so, Armin began to show her every example they did in class and made his instructions as easy as possible for her.

     A look of deep concentration could be seen on her face and the way her eyes gazed over the paper made Armin’s heart skip a beat. In this very moment, he realised for the first time what [Name]’s appearance did to him. She was pretty, kind, caring and her eyes were the most beautiful in the whole world. He was hurt when he noticed that the fire in those eyes was completely gone after her mother had been in that accident and unfortunately died. They were dull now and only lit up when she was distracted enough to not think about anything.

     He was so lost in thoughts that he didn’t notice that [Name] was staring at him now. »Armin?« She waved a hand in front of his face, making him jerk straight up. »Oh, sorry.« She chuckled.

     Armin rubbed his neck shyly. »You got me,« he said awkwardly and blushed. »Did you understand the topic now?« he asked to keep the conversation going. If only he had the courage to tell her how he felt.

     »Yeah, I think I got it now. Could you take a look at those examples I just solved? Not that I made some mistakes. Mr. Ackerman already hates me so I don’t want to make it worse.«

     Armin took the papers from the table and studied her solutions. All of them were correct and he couldn’t help but smile. »All of these are perfect. I knew that you just needed to understand the topic.« He put the papers down again and looked at her. »But Mr. Ackerman doesn’t hate you, I am sure of that. Usually, you have very good grades and just because you messed up once doesn’t automatically mean that he dislikes you. I think that he’s just upset because you didn’t ask for help when you needed it.«

     [Name] sighed. »You know pretty well that he scares the shit out of me, Armin. I am always so nervous during his class that I can’t focus. I just hope that he doesn’t look in my direction and won’t ask me any questions. I am so afraid of giving the wrong answer. The way he yells at Eren and Connie is really frightening.«

     »I can relate to that, [Name], believe me. But Eren and Connie are idiots. You aren’t.«

     »Did you just call your best friend an idiot to cheer me up?« She looked at him with surprise and started laughing. Armin’s heart skipped a beat. He didn’t hear her laugh in such a long time that it nearly made him cry. There was just happiness on her face and nothing else. It was a beautiful sight and he wished that moment would last forever.

     He didn’t exactly know why he did it – his body was moving on its own – but he pulled her towards him, embracing her tightly and whispering, »Your laugh is so beautiful.«

     [Name] continued smiling. Armin was warm, warmer than she would’ve thought. She knew instantly what he meant but she was too lost in this overwhelming happiness to think about anything else than this pleasant wave of euphoria. Armin, unlike Jean or Marco, was always hesitant to touch her even if she didn’t really care. She trusted him and she loved receiving hugs. Armin was polite and respected her personal space but [Name] always wanted to build a closer relationship with him – because it had always felt so awkward when they were together and either of them knew it was okay to hug sometimes, but Armin was too afraid and [Name] was too shy to make the first step.

     They parted and smiled at each other. »Shall we start with the essay, then?« Armin asked, a furious blush spreading across his cheeks.

 

✿✿✿

 

     They worked on the essay for nearly two hours, with [Name] being the first one to finish. It was almost six o’clock when she looked at her phone and Armin was nearly finished as well. She leaned back and closed her eyes for a moment, feeling unbelievably tired all of a sudden. It was still cold inside and she wondered if the heater would be repaired on Monday because she could barely sleep like that.

     When she heard a soft sigh beneath her, she opened her eyes and looked at Armin who put his pen aside and leaned back, too. »I really don’t like literature,« he murmured and reached for another cookie.

     »You can thank Eren and Jean on Monday for being, well, idiots.« Marco’s friendly reminder from earlier just made [Name] smile again. »But I like the subject. And Mr. Zacharias is nice, too.«

     Armin groaned. »I am one hundred percent sure that I won’t study anything literature-related. It’s a shame that you can’t drop the subject.«

     »Oh, I don’t know. It is important to express yourself correctly and literature does a lot to help that. Say, Armin, what do you want to study after graduation?« She leaned a bit towards him, eating a cookie herself. »You’re in the physics class with Reiner, aren’t you?«

     Armin swallowed and liked his lips unconsciously. »Well, I want to study Astrophysics. I want to know about the things outside our space. Other galaxies that are far away and out of our reach.«

     »I am impressed. You have to tell me about that one day.« [Name] broke the last remaining cookie in half and gave her friend the bigger one. »I must admit that I am scared about the infinity of the universe. But the way your eyes sparkle while talking about your dreams is quite calming.«

     Armin blushed again. »Uhm, say, what do you want to do after graduation?« When he saw the sad look in her eyes, he immediately regretted his question.

     »I try to get into an arts school,« she said and smiled sadly. »But I don’t have enough money to afford it. My … my mom was saving money so I could live my dream but I never thought that it would be _that_ expensive. If I don’t get a scholarship then I will have to look for other careers.«

     »I’m sorry, [Name], I shouldn’t have asked.« Coward, he thought and wished he didn’t bring up a topic which would make her sad _and_ think of her mother.

     »Oh no, don’t be. Mrs. Bozard actually mentioned it a few times the last week. She picked a few schools not far from here and I googled them. They give scholarships but only a few. There’s no way I might be among them.«

     »[Name], your pictures are most likely the most beautiful ones I’ve ever seen. I am sure that you can compete with the others. You need to believe in yourself, [Name].« Armin put a hand on her shoulder and smiled. It was true, [Name] was a very gifted artist. She had a rather fairytale-ish style and her colouring was very soft. She had given him a picture for his last birthday, a beautiful landscape – which was her favourite thing to draw.

     »You’re way too kind, Armin.« She paused. »But I’m being realistic. The chance of me getting one of those scholarships is close to zero.«

     »But it isn’t zero, is it? So don’t give up hope so early.«

     She laughed again.

 

 

     It was half past seven and [Name] invited Armin to stay for dinner. While they were standing together in the little kitchen, Armin noticed once again how tiny [Name] was. He couldn’t help but think that only Historia was smaller than her; but at the same time, it was very cute.

     He noticed that it wasn’t much warmer in the kitchen, only the stove heating it up a little and [Name] shivered every time she shuffled around to gather the ingredients. »[Name], it is really cold here. If you want, you can stay at my place, I am sure that my parents will understand.« It took him a lot of courage to finally say what was on his mind for the entire afternoon. She couldn’t stay in an apartment with a broken heater when it was freezing cold outside.

     She nearly dropped the plates she was holding. »T-That’s nice of you, but I am f-fine,« she said, turning away from him and putting the plates down on the counter. »I am not here most of the time and the heater will be repaired on Monday. _Please_ , don’t worry about it.«

     »[Name], I’m-«

     »Just stop worrying about me. I’ll be fine, okay?« She offered him an apologetic smile. It needed to stop, she thought and carried their meal towards the couch. Since she had no dining table to offer, they ate in the living room, silence lingering over them.

     Armin wanted to slap himself in the face with something really heavy. He couldn’t say something right today and he felt as if she’d wished he never came over. He felt quite sick and it had nothing to do with the food.

 

     [Name] looked at him, regret in her eyes. She knew that Armin just wanted her not to catch a cold but it was the same with Jean and Marco; couldn’t the people around her just act as if she was _normal_? God, she was so stupid. Armin was the one who said that she shouldn’t push her friends away again and she did exactly that right now. What was wrong with her? Why couldn’t she be a normal, functionating seventeen-year-old?

     »Armin, I am so sorry for saying that.« She put her plate down and looked at him. When she met his ocean blue eyes, she couldn’t hold her tongue any longer and blurted everything out like a waterfall, tears burning in her eyes. »I’ve already told Jean and Marco and also Mr. Smith that I don’t want you to worry too much. It makes me feel uneasy and it’s making me sad and I am angry with myself and I just want to be seen as a normal girl even if I know that I’m not. I don’t want a reminder that I am not feeling well, just looking in the mirror is enough. I love all of my friends and I don’t want to push you away but I feel like I can’t breathe anymore if you all keep this up, it is bad for your hearts, too. I … I just need time, Armin, I am so sorry, please don’t hate me for my behaviour, I don’t even know why I am acting like that but please, just give me time to figure it out. Oh my god, did that even make sense?«

     »[Name], it’s okay, please, calm down. I don’t hate you, I could never hate you! And I understand what you want to say, I am so sorry for overtaxing you.« He didn’t even think before he pulled her into another embrace. »Being a teenager is so confusing.«

     [Name] buried her face in Armin’s shirt, inhaling his scent and listening to his heartbeat. It always made her calmer when she knew that she wasn’t alone.

 

✿✿✿

 

     Neither of them knew how they should feel after Armin had left. [Name] just stood there in her now empty living room, shivering because it was so cold. Her mind was a complete mess. Armin was just a friend, wasn’t he?

     And suddenly, she felt colder than ever before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, leave a comment, I would love to know your opinion ♥  
> And for all the Armin fans among you, I would like to apologize already ...


	5. Mnemosyne

     Staring at the clock for at least ten minutes straight, [Name] impatiently waited for the lesson to end. Mr. Zacharias was talking about the topics they would go over after the test he had announced for next week, but [Name] wasn’t even really listening. All she could think about was her art class with Mrs. Bozard afterwards – she needed her daily doses of creativity to free her mind and soul. Petra always let them listen to music and was more on a friend-like basis with her students.

     [Name]’s Sunday hadn’t been that good. She could barely sleep due to nightmares and the unbearable cold. She was tired and her body ached, having to work twice as hard because there were so many customers. [Name] just needed some time to free herself from all of these thoughts. And painting had always been the best way for her to do so.

     »I would like to collect the homework,« Mr. Zacharias said, his deep voice brining [Name] back to reality. She blinked a few times, as if she had just woken up from a dream and pulled her homework out of her bag. Mr. Zacharias walked around the classroom, collecting the essays and giving Jean and Eren a look that had them stare at their desks in shame. Judging from said look, [Name] couldn’t help but think that the teacher would be extra strict while grading the homework. Thank you, Jean and Eren, then.

     »You may go now,« Mr. Zacharias spoke and the students hurried to have at least a few more moments before heading to their next class. [Name] took her time. She was way too tired to make quick movements and there was nothing she wanted to do before art class. She got up, said goodbye to Mr. Zacharias and left his classroom.

     Marco and Jean already waited for her in the hallway and it looked like Marco scolded Jean slightly for his immature behaviour during literature class on Friday.

     »[Name], help me, Marco is going to kill me!« Jean whined and tried to hide behind the much smaller girl. She chuckled and looked at the freckled boy with an apologetic smile.

     »Don’t be too hard on him, Marco, I think he learned his lesson. But let me guess, you two spent the entire weekend doing this essay? And fought while you were at it? Come on guys, it is just a stupid homework. Don’t let it happen again and everything will be alright.«

     Marco was still frowning but sighed a few seconds later. »I can’t be mad at you when [Name] is making that puppy face. But she will not be there to save you all the time, my friend, I am warning you. You will never again be the reason I have to spend my weekends doing literature instead of you.«

     »Okay, that was my keyword, I have to go.« The last thing [Name] was willing to hear was something about doing the other. She blushed furiously.

     »Hey, wait for me!« Jean grabbed her arm. »We’re off then, Marco! I’ll meet you at the gym.« Unlike Jean and [Name], Marco was in the P.E. class with Mr. Gin. He was accompanied by Bertolt and Annie while Jean and [Name] made their way to the second floor.

 

     Mrs. Bozard’s classroom was small compared to others but it was maybe the nicest room in the whole school. The walls were painted in a light green and decorated with Petra’s favourite pictures. They were mostly gifts from students who had graduated and Petra handled them with utmost care. The ginger haired teacher always wore a smile on her face and bright clothes, hands and apron stained with acryl and her perfume was very decent and calming.

     The soft sound of a piano was reaching [Name]’s ears while she tied her colour-stained apron around her waist, rolling up her sleeves carefully to make sure that the scars weren’t showing that much. It was still painful to look at them, she was ashamed of what she had done – but nobody asked her questions so it was at least bearable when she was in public.

     »Alright, good afternoon, class,« Mrs. Bozard said happily, standing in front of the class. »After we finished our last projects, I would like you to make a _Mnemosyne_. A Mnemosyne is a remembrance, a memory. Think of something that gave you an incredible feeling of happiness. I want you to picture your happiest moment – or at least try it. Before you start, I’d like to inform you about something; I’ve been giving every graduation class the same task throughout their last year and I know it can be challenging. Happiness is often connected with sadness. Our brain can’t distinguish those feelings. If you should feel uneasy or need to stop, please, tell me.«

     [Name] wasn’t sure but for a brief moment Petra might’ve been looking at her. It wasn’t like she didn’t have happy memories – she actually had a lot of them. She wasn’t a sad child, loved unconditionally by a mother who was so young and so scared of the world but still teaching her everything she knew. But since that mother was gone, every moment seemed to be so, so sad. Because those happy times would never come back. She was gone forever.

     [Name] willed herself to calm down. Erwin had shown her a technique she could use anytime. She closed her eyes and pictured a landscape in her mind. There was a lake, not big but deep blue and calm, surrounded by fields of flowers. She sat under an old willow, listening to the sounds of the nature.

     She could summon this picture almost immediately after she had practised it with Mr. Smith during their therapy sessions. _Happy moments_. She couldn’t remember how often she had cried in front of Mr. Smith. There were many triggers during their first meetings and her teacher was sorry for every time she shed tears because of his words.

     _Happy memories_. She focused on something else than her mother. The time she’d spent with her was sacred. But the wound was still too fresh. She tried to focus on something else. What had made her happy? When did she feel this overwhelming feeling of freedom or love?

     While others around her had already started, [Name] was still thinking about a happy moment in her life, not including her mother. The day she had met Marco and became friends with him? When she sat together with Jean, Marco, Armin and Bertolt in a corner of the gym, trying to warm each other up, because they were snowed in? Maybe the Valentine’s Day last year when her friends group-gifted her a beautiful bouquet of roses?

 

     [Name] sighed. That was a hard task for her. She looked from her blank canvas to Mrs. Bozard, to Jean who was already working hard – and she knew perfectly well what he was drawing, too – and back on her canvas. _Happiness_. What made her happy?

     She looked out of the window. The sun shone, but she knew it was cold outside. November was already hitting its peak, nearly all of the leaves already fallen to the ground, covering it with red and brown and a yellowish orange. The red ones were the most beautiful; the shade of the colour reminded her of vine, splattered across what seemed like chocolate and sunrays.

     A feeling of warmth filled her heart and she began to smile. Oh yes, now she knew exactly what made her happy the most.

     Taking a pencil, she began to sketch the image which had formed in her mind, soft lines of silvery grey beginning to form on the crisp white canvas. She took her time guiding her hand over the fabric, to make the sketch as perfect as it could possibly be. A new song started to play, the sound of a flute filling the classroom, accompanied by a violin and then a second flute, playing a wonderful melody.

     [Name] seemed to move her hand like she would dance to the music reaching her ears. She’d always wanted to learn how to play a flute but she never really had time or money to do so. It would’ve been great to learn an instrument – she knew how to read notes and she could sing a little, too, but that was everything she had in musical experience.

     She was an artist by birth. Her mother, being a young and creative woman, always supported her daughter’s artistic talents.

     The outlines of some brushes became visible on [Name]’s canvas.

     Since she was very little, she would draw on everything she could reach. It would often upset her stepfather if she would paint on the walls in their house, even if her mother didn’t really care.

     Six brushes with different shapes could be seen on the canvas and she slowly began to sketch a fitting case for the brushes.

     [Name] had gotten the quite expensive set of brushes from Hanji on her tenth birthday. It had been one of the happiest moments in her entire life. She still had the brushes she once got and she handled them with utmost care – they were the most precious possession she had.

 

     [Name] smiled slightly while she kept on sketching, not noticing the motherly look on Petra’s face while she watched her students. She was relieved. She had a conversation with Erwin before today’s lesson, asking him if it wouldn’t trigger a panic attack from [Name]. But she could control her emotions well by now and Petra couldn’t help but silently thank Erwin for being such a wonderful teacher.

     She looked at the clock and sighed silently. She hated that moment. »Okay, I hate to interrupt you but the lesson is nearly over and I would like you to help me clean up the classroom before you leave. You can continue next lesson.«

     [Name] put her pencil back in her pencil case, being proud of the sketch she made. She would water-colour it later and she already had some shadowing in mind when she put her canvas away safely and made her way over to Jean who was waiting for her.

     »This task is pretty good, don’t you think?« he asked grinning, and put his arm around the girl’s shoulder. »And I know from the look on your face that you are really happy with it, too.«

     »Yeah,« she simply said and blushed. »But you won’t draw you and Marco half naked, will you?« She looked up at Jean who was staring at her for a second in shock just to laugh heartily the moment after.

     »Those pictures aren’t meant to be shown to anyone but Marco. But Marco is in my picture, I can tell. He’s most likely the best thing which ever happened to me.«

     »Tell him that in case he is still mad at you,« [Name] chuckled. »My innocence won’t protect you all the time, you know.«

     »Nah, I’m not worried about that anymore. You know how Marco is. He can’t stay mad for too long. Oh, speaking of Marco, he just told me to ask you something.« Jean stopped, looking down at his friend. »There’s a pretty awesome concert on Saturday and Marco and I intended to invite you.«

     »That concert you two have been bragging about for over a month now?« [Name] thought for a moment. »I have to work on Saturday.«

     »No chance to get the night off?« [Name] shook her head. Jean groaned. »That sucks.«

     »I am actually okay with it. There are some things I need to catch up on and because I have Sunday off this week, I would like to get that done.« She wasn’t sure if she phrased it right. Actually, she didn’t want to go to that concert in the first place. It was not the genre of music she enjoyed to listen to, but the two lovebirds had been really persistent over the last month and she nearly agreed to go with them but she was glad that work interfered. Even if she would never tell her friends.

     »Next time, you’ll join us, no questions asked. Do you want to come to the gym to pick up Marco? I can drive you home if you want to.«

 

     But before [Name] had a chance to answer, she heard a voice behind her which made her jump in fear.

     »[Last Name],« Mr. Ackerman said and she slowly turned around to face him, intimidated by his presence. Jean released her but stood close. »I would like to have a little conversation with you. Follow me to my classroom.«

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is, where our journey with dear Mr. Ackerman begins. Lots of angst, fellows and I hope you enjoyed this chapter! ♥
> 
> Please leave a comment or Kudos, that would make me super happy ^-^


	6. Afternoon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At first, I wanted to thank you for the massive support I've received for the last chapter I've uploaded. Not just here but on tumblr as well and that made me incredibly happy ♥ Thank you all so much!  
> Please enjoy the chapter~

     [Name] gulped audibly. This was it, she thought, her worst nightmare became true. Though Mr. Smith had told her not to be scared by her maths teacher, he looked like he was ready to shout at her. She wasn’t able to say anything – not to mention move – and Mr. Ackerman clicked his tongue. »Are you deaf or what? Or paralyzed, maybe? Follow me.«

     Jean tapped his friend’s shoulder lightly, making [Name] flinch. »I-I’m sorry, Mr. Ackerman, I’m coming!« she said in a very high pitched voice, her face concerningly white.

     »I’ll wait for you,« Jean said, looking back at his friend who followed their teacher slowly. Jean knew perfectly well why [Name] was so scared of Mr. Ackerman, even if she didn’t really understand it herself. Her stepfather had yelled at her very often which was the main reason her mother had wanted a divorce. Her seeing Mr. Ackerman yelling at others during class must’ve been a trigger for her – that was the only explanation Jean had because their maths teacher wasn’t that scary after all. And he never did her any harm.

     [Name] was panicking. She was sure that this was about her failed exam. He would be mad. And he would most likely yell at her or give her extra homework when she didn’t even have time to master her regular schedule. He wouldn’t give her detention just because she failed his exam, would he? She didn’t have time for detention, she had to work the whole week, today was her only free day, she had so much work to do, there were three exams coming up next week, she had to learn-

     She bumped into her teacher when he suddenly stopped. She stumbled. »O-Oh god, I-I am so sorry, Mr. Ackerman!«

     He turned around and put a hand on her shoulder. »Calm down, would you. I don’t want you passing out on me. Now get inside, I don’t want to do this in the hallway.« He held the door open to his classroom and [Name] nodded before stepping inside.

     Mr. Ackerman closed the door behind them and leaned against his desk, facing his still trembling and sick looking student. He sighed. »Listen, I know that you don’t like me very much and I know that you’re afraid of me but I am not going to yell at you.« He paused, waiting for a reaction. When he didn’t get one, he went on. »I don’t know why you are so scared but I just wanted to know what happened with you during the last exam. I admit, I was surprised when I graded your papers.«

     [Name] forced herself to relax. He was speaking in a normal voice, he didn’t insult her, he didn’t yell and he wasn’t upset. She took a breath. »I am sorry, Mr. Ackerman, I – well – I didn’t understand the last topic and messed up the exam.«

     »I figured, you’re not the type to simply not study. But I am your teacher, you should’ve asked me to help you. I won’t bite.« He crossed his arms. Whenever he looked at her, she avoided his gaze; even now. He wondered what he had done to make her hate him so much. Since Erwin had told him about his first talk to [Name] he paid more attention to his student. He indeed noticed that she was absent-minded a lot but she always copied his instructions so he didn’t mind that. »But since you won’t talk to me now, I suppose it’s my fault that you didn’t ask me for help.«

     »N-No, it’s not your fault, sir.« She was seriously struggling to look at him. »But you don’t need to worry about that anymore, I already asked Armin to help me and I got the topic now.«

     »That’s good to hear. So, I would like you to re-do the exam.« He pushed away from the desk to pull out what looked like a diary from his bag. »I would like you to have an oral exam with me after your last period on Thursday.«

     »Uhm, wait.« She finally looked at him, disbelief all written over her face. »I can … re-do the exam? As if the one last week never happened?«

     »Listen, [Name], I am willing to give anyone a second chance who deserves it. You are not an idiot and just because you didn’t understand a topic once during class doesn’t mean you should be punished for it by a mark that could ruin your grade point average. I know pretty well how important it is for you. And no, I am not being nice because you are going through a hard time,« he said, when she wanted to open her mouth in protest. »If Arlert or Bott would’ve been the ones to completely mess up, I would’ve offered them the same. Against the common believe, I am actually not the devil.«

     »I’ve never met anyone who would call you a devil, Mr. Ackerman.« There was a small smile on her lips. »But you are rather strict – which is not a bad thing – but students usually don’t like strict teachers.«

     »So, you can talk normally, I wondered if you were able to do that. And you don’t look like you would pass out any minute anymore. So I suppose I am not that scary after all.«

     »Uhm, I guess, you’re not … Sorry.«

     He stood up again and handed her a piece of paper. She looked down at it. »Your appointment, this Thursday after your last period. You’ll come to my classroom and we’ll get over with your exam as fast as possible. And you don’t have to apologize all the time. You are free to go now.«

     »Thank you, Mr. Ackerman.«

 

✿✿✿

 

     »He would offer Armin and Marco a second chance if they failed but not me? That is pretty damn rude.« Jean nipped at his coffee with a pout on his face. Marco just laughed a bit.

     »Well, he just named two examples. I am sure he would give more students a chance if it was the case. I am not too sure about Connie and Sasha – or Eren – but I think you would be among them.«

     »Marco is right, Jean.« [Name] was holding a cup of tea, trying to warm up her hands. »I think, he just picked the first two names that came to his mind. But after talking to him, I feel less scared. Mr. Smith was right, Mr. Ackerman can be nice if he wants to be. Though he’s still intimidating.«

     »That’s good to hear. And you don’t have to worry about your maths grade anymore. I know it was frustrating you.« Marco just finished his hot chocolate. »But let’s not talk about school anymore, I am done for today. Plus, I have some work to catch up on, so I’m leaving.«

     »I’ll take the little one here home, so don’t worry.« Jean kissed Marco before the latter stood up and took his leave.

     »Don’t call me that, Jean,« [Name] complained. »I know that I’m short, you don’t have to remind me. Trust me, it’s not funny.«

     »But it’s cute,« Jean said and shrugged. She huffed in frustration. It was a topic Jean brought up no matter what they were talking about to tease her. It was an annoyance, knowing that she would stay this short for her entire life, practically needing a ladder for everything.

     »Why are you staring at me?« she asked after a few moments of silence, noticing Jean’s intense gaze. »Do I have something on my face? Or on my clothes?« She tried to see herself in the window of the small café they were at.

     »You look like you lack sleep.«

     »I just had a rough night and I didn’t put on make-up.« She put her mug down and pulled out her wallet. »And I’ve been lacking sleep since the day I was born. It would be a blessing to sleep for seven hours straight. I am fine, Jean, sleep is the last thing I am concerned about at the moment.«

     »Don’t you dare pay.« Jean held her wrist and gave her a stern look.

     [Name] groaned. »Jean! You can’t pay for me whenever we go out. Just let me pay for once.«

     Jean shook his head. »You forget that I am a gentleman. I can’t let the lady I’m with pay for her drink and for mine. Besides, Marco already paid before he left so you couldn’t even try to pay.« He gave her one of his biggest shit-eating grins and released her wrist. [Name] just stared at him.

     »That’s it, I won’t go anywhere with you two anymore.«

     Jean laughed. »Come on, isn’t it natural for a guy to treat a girl to some tea or cake? Five bucks once in a while won’t kill me, [Name]. We’ve known each other for how long now, five years?«

     »Well, definitely too long.« There was still a smile on her face when she stood up and gave her friend a kiss on the cheek. »And paying for your drinks once in a while won’t kill me, either.«

     »Come on, let’s get going.«

 

 

     They barely left the café when a rather loud voice called out to them. »[Name]! Wait!« That was the only warning [Name] got before someone picked her off the ground and spun her around. »Ah, it’s so nice to see you outside of school again!«

     »H-Hanji!« [Name] gasped out, trying not to fall to the ground. »Oh god, let me down, please!«

     Hanji set her on her own two feet and [Name] stumbled backwards right into Jean’s arms. She yelped. »Geez, stop scaring me, I thought I would be kidnapped or something.« Jean steadied her and picked up her bag which she had lost during her little flight.

     »Seriously, Ms. Zoe, you scared me, too,« he said, way too used to his teacher’s crazy behaviour. It was still odd for him to meet her at [Name]’s place but his chemistry teacher was actually a really interesting and funny person.

     »Haha, sorry, sorry, you two, I didn’t intend to scare you. I was just out shopping and saw you coming out of the café and I had no time lately to visit [Name], so I just got super excited! I barely see you and I miss your cooking!« Hanji sounded like a little child which made [Name] laugh.

     »Why don’t you come over Friday evening, then? I invited Jean and Marco for dinner and it won’t make any difference if I would cook for one more person.«

     »[Name], you’re an angel! A lifesaver! I would love to come over if I am not bothering some romantic dinner for three or anything.« She cackled. Jean just looked at [Name] with bright red cheeks but [Name] just smiled as if nothing had happened. Usually, she was the one to blush horribly at any mention of sexual themes but she was way too used to Hanji’s humour.

     »You’re not bothering us in the slightest and I know how much you love Disney movies. I hope you’re okay with it, Jean.« She gave him an apologetic smile.

     »Ah, alright. It won’t do us any harm.«

 

     »You two are so sweet, honestly. But I have another great idea!« At that point, [Name] knew that she had made a horrible mistake. »Listen, sweetie, why don’t you invite Erwin and Levi as well? I swear, they would love a home-cooked meal from a beautiful lady. They are both living alone and well, especially Erwin doesn’t know how to cook very well.«

     »Oh, I don’t think that this would be a good idea … I don’t even have a dining table, I can never fit all of you in my apartment!«

     »We can meet at my place then!« Hanji beamed.

     »Uhm, well, I …« Damn Hanji and her puppy eyes. »Oh, fine, just stop looking at me like that. I wanted to thank Mr. Smith anyway, so that would be a good idea.«

     »Yahoo!« Hanji jumped, fist bumping into the air. »Okay, come by at five on Friday, see ya!«

 

✿✿✿

 

     »Wait, wait, wait! You’re going to _cook_ for our teachers? And not for _me_?! How could you!« Sasha whined, the popcorn falling from the corner of her mouth. [Name] sat in front of her on a cushion on the carpet, Annie next to her who was reading a book. Mikasa sat on Sasha’s right and Historia on Ymir’s lap to Sasha’s left.

     »I could never make enough food to satisfy you,« [Name] said, trying to focus on the film while Sasha kept on whining. »Besides, it wasn’t even my idea. I just wanted to spend the evening with Marco and Jean.«

     »But you’re way too nice and offered Ms. Zoe to come and now you’re stuck in this situation,« Annie summed up the situation and [Name] just nodded.

     Usually, the girls would have a movie night on Sunday but since [Name] had to work, they settled on Monday. They switched places, every girl hosting the night for one week – excluding [Name] because she didn’t possess a tv – and today they were at Mikasa’s.

     »I think that it was very nice of you to invite Ms. Zoe,« Historia said, reaching for some popcorn. Since Sasha had a bowl for herself, the other girls shared another one. »And I don’t think that it is so bad to eat with Mr. Smith. After all, you spend your afternoons talking to him, don’t you?«

     »I am not worried about Mr. Smith. I am worried about Mr. Ackerman.«

     »My dumb cousin won’t bite you.« Mikasa didn’t even look at [Name]. »But I know what you mean. You don’t like him very much, do you.«

     »Even he said that I hate him … I am just scared, it has nothing to do with liking someone or not. And won't others think that I just do this to get better marks?« [Name] buried her face in her hands.

     »Yeah, sure,« Ymir said sarcastically, hugging Historia tighter, »look, shorty, your marks couldn’t get any higher even if you would _fuck_ your teachers.«

     »Ymir!« Historia slapped her girlfriend on the arm. »Could you stop teasing [Name]? She’s already frustrated enough without your side remarks. And you don’t have to worry about others. I mean, we’re your friends and we all know better.«

     Annie put her book aside and reached for her glass. »And Reiner would probably beat everyone up who would say that you fucked a teacher. Just cook for us once in a while and you will have nothing to fear.«

     The girls started laughing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love this chapter. But will everything play out as planned? We'll see~  
> And I love all those characters so much, really, haha.
> 
> Okay, so I have two exams next week, wish me luck! ♥
> 
> Please leave me a comment or a Kudos if you liked it, that would make me super happy :D


	7. Fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING!  
> I am still alive but I messed up my exam today and I have to re-do it, urgh, why.
> 
> But please enjoy this chapter! And I feel so sorry for reader-chan, I really do.

     There were a lot of things to fear, [Name] thought, reminding herself of Annie’s words. It was Thursday and she felt like she would throw up any minute, her nerves on the verge of tearing apart. She had forgotten how bad she was at oral exams. The last one she had was with Mr. Smith last year and she nearly passed out because of how nervous she had been.

     [Name] couldn’t pay attention to anything Mr. Zacharias said. She was trying to remember everything Armin had told her and all the notes she had studied last night. Her whole body was shaking and even Eren, who was sitting next to her, looked at her with concern from the corner of his eye. He elbowed Armin. »Hey, Ar,« he whispered, making sure that Mr. Zacharias couldn’t hear him – he really didn’t want to do an essay again, »you know what’s up with [Last Name]?«

     Armin didn’t like it at all when Eren was pushing him into a silent conversation during class, but answered nonetheless. »Her name is [Name], and she has an oral exam afterwards. I guess she’s just nervous.«

     »You’re around her a lot lately, is there something going on between you two?«

     »Eren, focus on the lesson,« Armin hissed, his checks flaming red. The last thing he wanted his best friend to notice, was that his crush on [Name] had gotten worse. But she was completely ignorant towards any of his advances, and he wondered if that was caused only by the enormous stress she seemed to have.

     Eren looked at Armin a few more seconds before shrugging and returning to his notes. Mikasa had already told him not to ask Armin about [Name], but he was curious and for some reason, [Name] didn’t really talk to him – little did he know that it was because of Mikasa’s deadly glare she gave every female human creature which came near Eren.

 

     When the bell rang, [Name] tensed up. Her classmates all hurried to end the day as fast as possible while she packed her things slowly as always. »Good luck,« Marco said, putting a hand on her shoulder and smiling at her before leaving together with Jean.

     Armin was one of the only students to stay a bit behind, telling Mikasa and Eren that he wanted to ask their teacher something before heading home. In fact, he just wanted to make sure [Name] was alright. She looked awfully pale and she was still shaking terribly. After he made sure, that there were just him, the teacher and [Name] left, he approached her. »I am sure you will master this, [Name],« he said silently. »You solved all of the examples in one go and without having any problems.«

     She looked up at him, her lips smiling but her eyes full of fear. »Thank you, Armin, I appreciate your words. But I am just so afraid.« She seemed to be on the verge of tears. She stood up and wrapped her arms around his neck, standing on her tiptoes. »Sorry,« she whispered, »but could we just stay like that for a little longer?«

     Armin wrapped his arms lightly around her torso, now feeling how badly shaking her body really was. Her heartbeat was way faster than it should be and her breathing seemed heavy and a bit uncontrolled. He didn’t think that her fear of oral exams had gotten that bad. He rubbed soothing circles on her back, hoping it would help her relax.

     After a few minutes, she broke the connection between them, a light blush covering her cheeks. »Thanks, Armin. It helped a little.« Now she smiled truthfully. And Armin’s heart skipped a beat.

     »No problem. I wish you luck.« He grabbed his bag and ran out of the classroom, trying to hide his killer blush from his slightly chuckling literature teacher.

     [Name] grabbed her own things, looking at the clock. »Oh no, I’m going to be late!«

     She hurried towards the exit, knocking over several documents while passing Mr. Zacharias’ desk. »O-Oh my god, I am so sorry, Mr. Zacharias!« Great, she thought, she was being decent as ever. [Name] bent down to gather the documents, her hair falling out of her messy bun in the process.

     Mr. Zacharias bent down as well, only smiling slightly. »Don’t worry, [Name], I know you didn’t do it on purpose. Are you alright? You’ve been hugging Armin quite a bit and you’re really pale.«

     She blushed. »Don’t worry, sir, I’m fine, I am just nervous, that’s all. Mr. Ackerman allowed me to re-do my maths exam and I am seeing him now.« She stood up and handed him the last papers, apologising again for making a mess.

     »I wish you good luck, [Name] and I’ll see you tomorrow.«

 

     She was far from fine when she made her way down the hallway to Mr. Ackerman’s classroom. She was completely done and exhausted to the brink, having slept absolutely nothing during the last two days. And the upcoming headache wasn’t helping at all. The last time she was feeling this physically exhausted, she had had a dangerously high fever and was lying in bed.

     [Name] arrived at Mr. Ackerman’s classroom with him already waiting there. He was leaning against a wall, arms crossed over his chest, glancing at his student with annoyance. Mr. Ackerman clicked his tongue. »You’re late.«

     »I am sorry, Mr. Ackerman,« she said, bowing her head slightly, »I knocked over several documents in Mr. Zacharias’ classroom and helped him clean up.«

     He rolled his eyes, holding the door to his classroom open for her to step in and muttering something which sounded like »messy brat«. While [Name] settled on a chair in front of her teacher’s desk, he closed the door and made his way over to his student. He put out some papers and a pencil.

     »So,« he said, breaking the silence, making [Name] jump slightly, »at first, you’re going to answer to my questions, after that I’ll give you some examples I want you to solve.«

     [Name] nodded and Mr. Ackerman started his questions. She was still beyond nervous of giving him the wrong answer. It was so much easier for her to express herself through writing – which was why she was so good at literature – and his intense gaze didn’t make anything better. Yet, he didn’t pressure her. He was patient when she started to stutter, making sure to grasp all the important information that she gave him, noticing that she understood the topic quite well. Whatever Arlert did, it was good.

     After ten minutes, they moved on to the exercises. Mr. Ackerman wrote five examples on a sheet, handing it to the student in front of him and looking at the clock. »You have half an hour left, make sure you take as much time as you need.«

     Despite the common rumours going around, Levi was a very good teacher. His ways of teaching may be more complex than others, but he wanted his students to learn as much as they could. Before taking over the class from Oruo, he was told that there were about three very intelligent students – Reiner Braun, an athlete built out of rock hard muscle who no one would expect to be this brilliant, Armin Arlert, a little wicked genius, and [Name] [Last Name], a quite and artistic girl, but very intelligent. Apparently, Levi had always thought that Oruo was exaggerating, given the fact that [Name] seemed to struggle quite a lot with the subject. But since her grades were always perfect, he began to think that maybe he could be the reason for her struggles.

     He had become a teacher to educate the next generation, not to put more weight onto their shoulders and since the start of the school year and after he was told not to give his students a hard time on purpose – which he really didn’t, except for some idiots whose names should not be told – he indeed noticed that [Name] wasn’t struggling if someone else explained the topics to her; yet, it had been really odd for her to fail completely. He couldn’t deny that he was worried. The girl in front of him looked like she was sick and would fall off the chair any second and he was a hundred percent sure that it had barely anything to do with her depression. This girl was pushing herself way too much.

 

     »I am done, Mr. Ackerman,« she said after twenty minutes, handing her teacher the papers. She was ready to leave, when he called her back.

     »Did I say you could go?« He slipped her papers into his bag, gesturing for her to sit back down. »Now, I suppose that I have your results by tomorrow. But don’t get this wrong. I won’t allow you another second chance. And if you don’t understand the next topic, I want you to get help as fast as possible. If you don’t want to ask me, I’m fine with it. It seems that Braun and Arlert can teach you better than me.«

     »S-Sir, you’re getting this wrong. You’re just so … intimidating, I can’t focus.« [Name] looked at him for a second. He sat there in front of her, arms crossed, his muscles flexing under his white button-up. He wasn’t tall, to be honest. Even if he was still taller than her, he was really small compared to her other teachers. Mr. Zacharias and Mr. Smith were _gigantic_ compared to her or Mr. Ackerman, but somehow, they weren’t so intimidating.

     Maybe it was the look on his face which frightened her so much. This man looked like he was ready to kill another with his bare hands.

     »Sir,« she asked shyly after he’d just kept staring at her, »may I go now? I have to work later and I would like to change before my shift starts.«

     He seemed to snap out of his thought. »You’re free to go. I would like to wish you a good weekend, but I suppose we’ll meet each other tomorrow.«

     [Name] just nodded and left the classroom, having nearly forgotten the promised dinner with Hanji, her teachers and her two friends. She should be feeling relieved now, she thought while leaving the school grounds, not as horrible as if she’d have to face a demon or something. A cold shiver ran down her spine and she had to support herself on a wall not to fall to the dirty ground. She held one of her hand against her mouth, trying to keep down whatever wanted to come out. She just drank some juice in the morning, having trouble with eating lately and not being able to keep anything solid inside of her for ten minutes.

     »Oh shit,« she said out loud, having troubles to fight back an overwhelming wave of nausea. If she didn’t need the money so badly, she would call in sick today. But with the heater still broken and the monthly bills coming up, she needed every penny.

 

     [Name] felt really dizzy and was crying by now. She had to drag herself home and she barely made it through the door before hitting the floor, unable to stand up anymore. She was scared. Never in her life did her mental condition affect her body so much that she couldn’t move anymore.

     Her phone rang. She almost chocked on a sob, reaching for her bag while still lying on the floor. The nausea and the dizziness slowly faded but she still felt really awful. [Name] pulled her phone out of her bag, looking at the display to see Armin’s name there. She tried as hard as she could to sound as normal and cheerful as she could.

     »Hey, Armin.« Her voice cracked.

     »Hey, [Name],« she heard him say cheerfully, »I, uhm, I just wanted to know how your exam went.« She heard some noises in the background. Was he with Mikasa and Eren? She could imagine that his friends had pushed him into this conversation and now she was only trying harder to sound normal.

     »Oh, it wasn’t that bad. I was really panicking during his oral examination, but once I got to the examples,« she sobbed and a tremor went through her body, »it was fine.«

     There was a pause. »[Name], are you crying?« He sounded utterly worried now.

     She wanted to slap herself. Why was her body betraying her like that? »N-No, I am-«

     »I’m coming over,« he said, voice stern and [Name] sobbed again. It had to stop. Everything. She just wanted the world to stop spinning for a moment so she could gather the pieces of her life together and maybe try fixing that mess she called a living.

     Armin had hung up on her before she could say anything else and now she was just sitting on the ice-cold floor in the doorway, phone in her hand and crying for all she was worth.

 

✿✿✿

 

     It would remain a mystery to [Name] of how Armin, Eren and Mikasa were at her apartment in a matter of a few minutes. Because she didn’t lock the door before, she was still sitting there on the floor when her classmates arrived. Armin pulled her close, trying to calm her down.

     »[Name], what happened? Please, tell me, I just want to help you.«

     She couldn’t answer. She felt so sick and disgusted by herself, she felt so weak and little and she curled up against Armin, clinging to him as if her life depended on that. She was shaking so badly, Armin felt his own body vibrate, too.

     »You can’t stay on the floor like that,« Mikasa said in her usual monotonous voice, helping Armin to lift [Name] from the floor and bringing her over to the small sofa. »Why is it so cold in here?«

     »The heater broke,« Armin informed Mikasa. She looked around for some blankets while Eren was making some tea in the kitchen. Mikasa found a big blanket right on [Name]’s bed, wrapping the still shaking girl in it like a new-born. Armin didn’t leave her side – he waited for Mikasa to settle down on the other side of the sofa, and for Eren to bring the tea.

 

     Neither of them said a word. And none of them even really knew what to say. Armin had his arms still around [Name], Eren beside him nipping on a cup of tea, and Mikasa looking at something on the coffee table but having one hand on [Name]’s shoulder.

     It was Eren who broke the silence. »I think you had a minor panic attack.«

     Mikasa and Armin looked at their friend. Eren’s father was a doctor and as a child he’d often accompany him on house calls. And Armin couldn’t help but think that he was quite right.

     »I could call my father, you know,« he offered. »I don’t know a lot about panic attacks but if a person is suffering from one for the first time, they should see a doctor. Uh, [Name]?«

     »She has fallen asleep,« Mikasa simply said and the silence once again hung over them like something really heavy, that could crash all of them easily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, panic attacks never feel the same twice and I am suffering from them as well. And I can tell you, they're not fun at all.  
> But I hope you liked the chapter!
> 
> Leave a Kudos or a comment if you liked it ♥


	8. Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter for you ♥  
> The song from the beginning is »She used to be mine« by Sara Bareilles. I listened to it while writing the chapter.  
> Please enjoy it! :)

_She’s imperfect but she tries._

_She is good but she lies._

_She is hard on herself._

_She is broken and won’t ask for help._

_She is messy but she’s kind._

_She is lonely most of the time._

_She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie._

_She is gone_

_but she used to be mine._

_I once heard that fear makes you do terrible things. But I didn’t know how terrible these things could get._

 

     [Name] sat on her sofa, the sun slowly rising and indicating that it was time to get ready for school. _Another sleepless night_. She had been awoken by Dr. Jeager yesterday – Mikasa had suggested to call Eren’s father because she was actually really worried. He had questioned her for a while and done some check-ups and came to the conclusion that she had indeed suffered from a panic attack.

     After that, Dr. Jaeger left together with his son and his friends, leaving [Name] alone in her cold apartment. The moment her boss had called her, she nearly began to cry again. He had been so nice to her, she couldn’t even believe it. Actually, her boss had given her the next week off, still paying her because he felt really sorry for what had happened.

     But even after that, [Name] just didn’t feel better at all. She had thrown up during the night even if she hadn’t eaten anything and she felt dizzy. The cold inside certainly didn’t help at all and she really didn’t want to stay here. But going to school feeling like crap? It was still a better option than to stay inside her apartment and literally freezing to death. After all, she had nothing really exhausting to do today. History and literature classes were comfortable and maybe Hanji’s excessive talking would distract her enough to not think about how awful she felt.

     She got up slowly, looking for some medicine. She had never been fond of those chemicals, but she couldn’t go through the day with these stomach pains and that blasting headache. Her body felt really heavy and her hands were trembling when she finally managed to grab the right medicine and poured herself a glass of water. She forced the pills down her throat with a few mouthfuls of water and looked for a clean sweater to put on.

     [Name] had always been fond of bigger clothing, especially because she wasn’t that curved. She felt like a child in that body, barely having boobs and not liking to show much skin. She sighed, the dizziness slowly fading and the medicine numbing her body.

 

✿✿✿

 

     Armin nearly had a heart attack when he saw [Name] walking past his locker, nose stuck in a book and not even noticing him. He turned around, completely ignoring Eren, who was shouting after him, but Armin had already reached [Name], pulling on her arm and making her fall right into him.

     »A-Armin!« she gasped, trying to regain her balance, while the other held her tightly to his chest. »I’m going to fall!« She tried to shift but his grip was unbelievably strong. It was a really awkward position they were in, [Name]’s face pressed against Armin’s chest, not really standing straight and struggling to keep her balance.

     »I was so worried,« he spoke softly, tears threatening to fall down his cheeks. »I’ve done some research and I didn’t even know how awful a panic attack could feel and I didn’t really know how to help you yesterday and I feel so bad that I left you alone, god, I am so sorry, [Name].«

     She didn’t know what to say. She could feel his heart beating rapidly in his chest, and his arms were clearly shaking. [Name] managed to finally shift into a more comfortable position, not minding the hug because she wasn’t sure if she could hold her own weight for that long. She was still feeling awful and the first period had been almost torture. She had already choked down two more pills to numb her sensations but her legs started to feel like jelly whenever she would stand for too long and she nearly passed out during Mr. Smith’s class while handing him the homework. Being supported by Armin didn’t feel bad but she longed to sit down and – most importantly – for this day to end as fast as possible.

     »I’m fine now, Armin,« she lied, pushing him away slightly and trying to convince him with a smile. »But thank you for looking after me. You are a really precious friend.«

     »[Name], I’m-«

     »Hey! Armin! Literature class is about to start, are you two coming or what?« Eren appeared behind Armin, making the blonde release [Name] as fast as he could, trying to hide his killer blush, while [Name]’s knees slightly buckled. The abrupt loss of support made her stumble into the next wall, which went unnoticed by Eren and Armin who were now heading for Mr. Zacharias’ class.

 

     »Hey, [Nickname]!« Jean swung an arm around her shoulder, making her stumble once again. »I’ve been looking for you, we haven’t seen you all morning. You ready for literature?« Jean smiled at her and she tried her best to give him a smile, too.

     Marco was already waiting for his friends to join him and with [Name] tugged under his arm, they headed for their class.

     »Uhm, [Name]? You look really, really pale. Are you feeling alright?« Marco asked after they had settled in the back of the class, [Name] sitting by the window with Jean in front and Marco beside her. »Actually, you didn’t look that great for the past week. Are you sick? Or not eating enough?«

     »I just lack a bit of sleep, that’s all,« she answered and indeed, the dark shadows under her eyes were quite visible. So, neither Armin nor Mikasa or Eren had called Marco or Jean last night. [Name] didn’t know if she should feel relieved about that or frustrated because she just couldn’t bring herself to tell her friends that she felt like – well – _shit_.

     Marco sighed. »Make sure to catch up on sleep over the weekend, okay? You need to get some rest.« He paused. »And we have to tell you something.«

     »Please don’t tell me you’re engaged, it’s way too early for that!« [Name] said, making Jean snort and Marco laugh. »And I am too young to become a godmother, too.«

     »Who said we were going to make you the godmother of our gorgeous children?« Jean asked, giving his friend a shit-eating grin. »No, I am joking. But we can’t go over to Ms. Zoe with you tonight.«

     »I preferred not being made godmother,« she murmured. »Why?« As if this day wasn’t already bad enough, Marco and Jean explained that they would leave tonight because the concert they wanted to attend was out of town and they didn’t want to drive all day tomorrow and be dead tired during the concert.

     [Name] understood but couldn’t help feeling distressed. She had been on friendly terms with Hanji before but spending an evening together with Mr. Smith _and_ Mr. Ackerman? She had no idea how she would survive that. It felt awkward and wrong yet she didn’t want to disappoint Hanji. Because Hanji couldn’t even boil water to save a life; which was ironic because of her profession, but [Name] had stopped questioning Hanji’s weird personality a long time ago.

     Mr. Zacharias started his class and went over the topics for their exam next week, reminding his students that they should use their time to study because it was their last year and even if he knew that only one percent would study literature, it was important for everyone who wanted to get accepted into a good university.

     [Name] could barely listen. She knew it would be bad to take another pill right now, because she hadn’t eaten anything but the throbbing pain in her head made her close her eyes a bit and massage her temples. She took a deep breath.

     »Today I would like to do some reading,« Mr. Zacharias said, looking around. [Name] felt his eyes on her but the last thing she was able to do now, was reading out loud. Please, she thought, not today.

     »Jean, I would like you to begin on page twenty-four.« Mr. Zacharias sat down behind his desk, waiting for his student to begin. And [Name] relaxed. If she could just keep quiet for the rest of the class, she would be fine. At least for the moment. She had absolutely no idea how she should survive her talk to Mr. Smith after her chemistry class.

     She was in the middle of strategizing when she felt her stomach suddenly drop and a cold shiver run down her spine. She had to get out of here; _now_. She raised her hand reluctantly and Marco turned towards her and was on his feet immediately – [Name] looked shockingly pale. Jean stopped reading because of the sudden noise and Mr. Zacharias looked up.

     »Marco, what is it?« he asked calmly.

     »Mr. Zacharias, [Name] looks like she’s going to throw up, can I please take her outside for a moment?« Marco had put his hands on her shoulders, while she pressed one hand against her mouth and the other against her stomach.

     Everyone was staring at her. Mr. Zacharias nodded and within seconds, Marco was outside the classroom with [Name], holding her tight.

 

     »Are you okay?« He rubbed her back lightly. [Name] sat on a bench, head in her hands. The sudden wave of nausea slowly faded but she couldn’t bring herself to go back to Mr. Zacharias’ classroom. The panic she had seen in Armin’s eyes made her feel so guilty.

     Even with Marco holding her, it was still freezing cold outside. He had given her a piece of chocolate after she had told him that she didn’t have anything to eat yet. »[Name], seriously, you can’t tell me that you just lack sleep. You’ve been looking like shit all week and we all are really worried.«

     »Marco, I … I am sorry,« she said, voice cracking. »I just really don’t know what is happening to my body. I feel sick and cold yet hot and everything is just too much.«

     »Just talk to me. Or Jean. Or at least Mr. Smith if you can’t tell us. If you’re sick you should stay at home and not forcing yourself to come to school to the point where you just collapse. This isn’t healthy.«

     »It is better here than at home,« she admitted silently, burying her face in the crook of Marco’s neck. »It’s cold at home and lonely and whenever I am lonely, I think of terrible things.«

     Marco looked at her, tears in his eyes. »[Name], why don’t you call me if you’re not feeling well? Why don’t you go to Jean whenever you feel lonely? He will always welcome you, you know that. Don’t you trust us?«

     »I do trust you!« [Name] cried, her tears soaking Marco’s jacket. »I don’t know why I can’t tell you.«

 

     »Marco, [Name],« they heard behind them. Mr. Zacharias was standing there, worry written all over his face. »The bell rang and since you didn’t come back I wanted to check on you. [Name], I think it would be better for you to go home for today. You can’t stay here like that. I already told Erwin and he will bring you home.«

     »I’m sorry for causing so much trouble, Mr. Zacharias,« she apologized, still crying.

     »Don’t apologize, [Name], it’s not your fault. Just make sure to rest over the weekend. Ah, Erwin.«

     Mr. Smith hurried towards them, [Name]’s bag in his hands. »Sorry for taking so long. Armin helped me to pack your things, [Name]. I’m going to take you home. Can you stand?«

 

✿✿✿

 

     He wasn’t taking her home. Mr. Smith brought her to Hanji’s place, apologizing for not telling her beforehand. »Hanji gave me her spare keys,« he said, when they pulled into the driveway. »We’ve been friends since college and I’ve talked to her after Mike had told me that you got sick during his class. I am sorry for not noticing this morning.«

     »But, uhm, why did you bring me here?« she asked shyly.

     »Because Armin told me that you had a panic attack yesterday evening.« She froze. »And Hanji wanted to take care of you since I’ve told her how bad your condition was. She said that you’ve been here before and I thought it would be better for you to stay at a familiar place. And don’t worry, I’ll keep you company until Hanji comes back. It won’t do you any good to be alone.«

     »Mr. Smith, I … I feel ashamed of myself.« She lowered her gaze and let her hair fall in front of her face.

     »You don’t have to,« he said and smiled at her, »but you have to learn to accept the help we’re offering you. This has nothing to do with you not being capable of taking care for yourself, believe me, you can. But at the moment we all think it’s the best for you not having to do that.«

     [Name] looked at her teacher, the tears flowing down her cheeks. »Is it wrong that I just want to feel normal? Why can’t I functionate like every other seventeen-year old? I feel so out of place, Mr. Smith and I really don’t want that anymore, but I don’t know how!« she sobbed. »And I miss my mother so much, it hurts to stand up in the morning, knowing she is not there anymore to greet me or to have breakfast together and she won’t be there for graduation, she will not see me during my college years and she will never meet any of my boyfriends! She will never see me getting married or becoming a mother myself. But the thing that hurts the most is that she is not there anymore to just hug me or speak to me and I’m already forgetting her voice and her warmth and it hurts so much that I just want to stop existing!« She was nearly shouting when she finished and the tears and painful screams tore Erwin’s heart apart.

     She didn’t deserve this. But he could not turn back the time and neither could she and everything he was able to do now was to hold her and assure her that she was not alone.

 

     When they were finally inside Hanji’s house, Erwin made [Name] sit down on the sofa, shuffling through the kitchen to find some sweet tea or some cocoa, but unfortunately, Hanji didn’t have any of that. He finally found some juice and gave the sugary drink to his student who was sitting there with puffy eyes.

     »Thank you, Mr. Smith,« she said, her voice shaking, »I will never be able to repay you for everything you have done for me.«

     »I do this because I want to, [Name]. I don’t want something back – just being able to help you cope with everything that burdens you is enough for me. I know how hard life can be sometimes.«

     A sad smile grazed her lips. »You know,« she began slowly, as if carefully choosing the words she wanted to say, »you might be the closest thing to a father I’ve ever had.«

     Erwin – on the verge of tears – put an arm around her but said nothing.

     Because sometimes there were no words needed to explain oneself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Papa Erwin feels QwQ
> 
> Please leave a Kudos or a comment if you liked the chapter! ♥


	9. Move

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not posting so long! But I finally finished all my exams for the first semester and now I am free! (Well, at least until the next exams ...)
> 
> This chapter is some sort of a filler but don't be disappointed, Mr. Ackerman is there, too! ♥  
> Please, enjoy yourself :)

      Hanji returned nearly three hours later, but she was not alone. Levi stepped in behind her, nearly instantly complaining about how filthy it was inside the house. »Tch, you will drown in your own filth one day, Shitty Glasses.«

     »Yeah, yeah, whatever Shorty. Hey, Erwin!« She ran up to the taller male who was coming out of the kitchen. »Is [Name] sleeping?«

     »No, she’s in the living room. I made her lie down on the sofa but she didn’t manage to fall asleep. I was just about to make lunch actually, but I waited for you to come home first.« The three adults walked into the living room where [Name] was lying motionless on the sofa, her back facing her teachers.

     »Hello sunshine, do you feel better?« Hanji sat on the edge of the sofa next to [Name]. She rolled over slightly and nodded. »Oh my god, you look like a ghost. I hope you’re hungry, we’re making lunch now.«

     »Didn’t you say that Mr. Smith couldn’t even boil water to save his life?« [Name] asked and raised an eyebrow. She sat up slowly, facing Hanji who was blushing.

     »Ah, well, uh – let me – ah, Erwin, don’t be mad!« She held her hands up in defence. »But [Name]’s cooking is so good! And I thought it would be nice to spend an evening with all of you outside of school.«

     Erwin sighed. »Seriously Hanji, you’re going too far. But I can assure you, [Name], I _can_ cook. I live alone, after all.«

     »Shitty Glasses is the one who can’t cook for shit,« Levi scoffed, sitting on the edge of the sofa near [Name]’s head. »I should’ve brought you home yesterday, brat. But I didn’t think you would have a panic attack.«

     »Uhm, that’s not your fault, Mr. Ackerman. I am sorry for causing you all so much trouble. It won’t happen again, I promise.«

     »Of course not,« he said, »you’ll move in with Shitty Glasses so you can assure she doesn’t drown in her own filth and she will make sure that you won’t do anything reckless again.« He put one hand on his student’s forehead. »Why the hell are you so _cold_?«

     »Y-Your hands aren’t that warm, either,« she murmured, blushing. »But I don’t want to bother you, Hanji. I’ll take better care of myself, I promise.«

     »[Name],« Erwin spoke, »as I said earlier, we know that you are perfectly capable of taking care of yourself, but I’ve been asking Hanji ever since our first therapy session if it wouldn’t be better for you to move in with an adult.« He knelt down beside [Name] and took her hand. »We care a lot about you, not just because you are our student. We all lost a member of our family when we were around your age but unlike you, we had someone to take care of us. Your friends know you better than we do, but we just think that it would be better if an adult had an eye on you.«

     »And it’s not that I want you here because you’re a minor. We can give each other company! We’re both a bit lonely and I’ve known you for nearly ten years now. And you don’t bother me, you’re not a little kid, after all. And this way, you won’t have to work so much anymore. You’ll have more time for school, your friends and to relax.« Hanji grinned, emitting a small smile from [Name].

     »I would say that’s a yes.« Erwin smiled and stood up. »Let’s talk later about the details, it is already past lunchtime and you need to eat something, [Name].«

     »I am not sure if I can keep it down.«

     »I’ll prepare a soup for you, but you can’t go without eating.« Erwin went to the kitchen, followed by Levi. Hanji made [Name] lie back down and kept her company until lunch was ready.

 

     [Name] managed to eat half of her soup before she started feeling sick again. Hanji had prepared her guestroom in the meantime, making the girl lie down there. She closed the door with a sigh and went downstairs, finding Levi and Erwin in the living room.

     »So, any plans for the afternoon?« she asked and sat between them on the sofa.

     »Who said I want to spend my free time with you, Shitty Glasses?«

     »As if you had a life, Short Stuff,« Hanji said with a smirk, earning a death glare from Levi. »And we spent the entirety of college together if you don’t remember. But anyway! You guys can help me and [Nickname] pack her things tomorrow. She said that the heater is still broken and I can’t leave her in a cold apartment if she’s sick.«

     » _Still_?« Erwin raised his eyebrows. »She mentioned the broken heater a week ago, saying that she had to take extra shifts to pay the reparation fee.«

     »Tch, I was never fond of craftsmen. Either they do shitty jobs or they don’t do their jobs at all.«

     »Will you help us or not?«

     »I’m afraid, I have an appointment. But I can help you after that if you want.« Erwin paused for a moment. »I can offer to speak to her landlord. She moved in not long ago and I still know the guy. He will understand, I am sure.«

     »I can help. And I hope she is not as messy as you.«

 

✿✿✿

 

     »Hanji, could I have coffee for breakfast?« [Name] asked on the next morning, while Hanji made one for herself. The girl had barely touched her toast, she still felt sick.

     »Oh my, I can remember you sitting at the table in your panda pyjamas and drinking cocoa, and now you’re wearing oversized clothing and want coffee. I feel so old,« Hanji whined and [Name] smiled slightly. To be honest, she didn’t even like coffee. But she needed something to keep herself awake. She hadn’t slept at all during the night – _again_. And it was starting to have severe effects on her body. Her legs were trembling when she moved and her head and chest felt really heavy.

     Even if she was used to not sleeping much, this was a new experience. She could hardly remember the last time she had gotten a full eight hours of sleep. And for five days, she didn’t sleep at all. And that could not be healthy. But according to research, it was possible to go eleven days without sleep. Five days were nothing, right?

     »You know it’s your oversized clothing I’m wearing, right?« [Name] said with a slight smile, when Hanji didn’t stop rambling about how cute she had been in her childish clothing and how grown up she already was – and how old she was feeling, even if [Name] knew that she had only turned twenty-eight this year.

     Hanji wanted to start complaining again, but she turned around, two mugs of coffee in her hands, and looked at her new housemate with a grin. »You’re still fun-sized and cute. And you’re even smaller than Short Stuff! But he’s like a short evil gnome and you’re a cute little cinnamon roll.«

     »Why are you even calling Mr. Ackerman Short Stuff? He seems to really hate that nickname.« [Name] frowned. Hanji must’ve a rather strange relationship with Mr. Ackerman.

     »Since he keeps calling me Shitty Glasses, I think it’s just fair.« Hanji sat down across from her student, handing her the mug. »I was his senior in High School and we were dating for a year or so, but we’re still friends.«

     »Wait, you were dating him?« [Name]’s eyes widened. The last thing she could imagine was Mr. Ackerman dating Hanji. Not that Hanji was not nice – because she really was – but Mr. Ackerman kept complaining about her – so she wasn’t surprised that the relationship only lasted a year.

     »Yeah, but we never made a big deal about it. We broke up as friends and it is better this way. Funny, your mother reacted similar when I told her I was dating Levi.« Hanji smiled nostalgically.

     [Name] took a sip from her mug and nearly spit it out. It tasted horrible. It was bitter and way too strong but she choked it down nonetheless. The caffeine would hopefully keep her energy levels up long enough for the next few hours.

 

     It was still pretty early for a Saturday morning but Mr. Ackerman wanted to clear out his student’s apartment as fast as possible because he apparently had some work to do. Hanji – who was not a big fan of written exams – had nothing to grade so she kept complaining about how early it was when he arrived. They used two cars, [Name] sitting next to Hanji on the passenger seat in her car.

     After choking down the whole mug of coffee, she felt the caffeine kicking in and everything she wanted was to lie down because her body began shaking really bad. Hanji gave her a concerned look but [Name] blamed it on the cold. It was November after all and it _was_ pretty cold outside.

     They arrived at [Name]’s apartment ten minutes later. She didn’t sort out anything before and she didn’t know how long it would take but Hanji assured her that they would be finished before lunch.

     The three of them were greeted by a cold doorway when they stepped in.

     »How the fuck could you sleep in here? It’s fucking freezing,« Mr. Ackerman said.

     Not at all, [Name] thought but she didn’t say anything. She went to her room, starting to pack her things. Hanji had brought some packing boxes and [Name] put her clothes in. There were not many, a lot of sweaters, trousers and some t-shirts. While packing her clothes she had to admit that she should ask her friends to take her out for some shopping. Some of her sweaters were from Jean and Marco and she even found one that belonged to Reiner. And she had only one pair of shoes.

     Her cupboard was empty and she moved on. Her desk was a mess. Everything was scattered there, papers, pens, some homework, brushes, watercolours and some glasses. She picked up the trash and threw it in a plastic bag, then she took the glasses and brought them to the kitchen where she found Mr. Ackerman shuffling through the small space.

     »Luckily, you’re not as messy as I thought you would be. Maybe I shouldn’t go into your room, so I can keep that impression, huh?« He turned around and took the glasses from [Name]’s hands. »By looking at them, you use them for your hobbies.«

     »Uhm, y-yes. I guess I just forgot to clean them.« He said nothing. »Mr. Ackerman, I wanted to thank you for helping me.«

     »Someone has to take care of you, brat,« he answered after cleaning the glasses. »Are you finished already?« He turned around, not expecting the girl to stand so near and bumped into her. She lost her balance but he caught her arm, preventing her from falling. »My fault.«

 

     Hanji had been in the bathroom the whole time, gathering all of [Name]’s possessions there – which weren’t many, to be honest. She joined Levi and [Name] in her room, helping them to pack all the things there.

     »Oh,« she exclaimed rather surprised but happy nonetheless, »you still have those brushes I got you? And wow, they’re in good shape. I was sure you’ve thrown them away.« Hanji held a black box in her hand, six expensive-looking brushes in different shapes inside.

     »As if I would throw them away. I love those brushes more than anything else I have. Not even the comfy sweater I like to borrow from Bertolt even if it is way too big for me.« [Name] just finished packing her paintings and sketches. »Which reminds me, we’re currently picturing things that make us happy during Mrs. Bozard’s class. And I actually chose this set of brushes because painting itself makes me happy the most.«

     »Aw, you’re so cute! I didn’t even think much about those brushes, I just knew that you loved to draw and they looked nice.« Hanji put them securely in a box. »And well, if it wasn’t for Shorty over there, I wouldn’t have bought them back then.«

     [Name] just looked at Mr. Ackerman in shock. He didn’t say anything and just packed some of [Name]’s notebooks.

     »Well, it was actually the year when we were dating. I was in college and didn’t have much money so he helped me out. Oh, don’t look at me like that, sweetie, you seem like you’ve been struck by a lightning.«

     That was exactly how she felt – because the caffeine seemed to wear off and the fact that the best birthday present she had ever got was partly from Mr. Ackerman shocked her more than it should. [Name] shook her head slightly. It didn’t matter, did it?

     They packed the remaining things and brought everything outside and stuffed it into the cars.

     »See, I told you we would be finished before lunch!« Hanji exclaimed happily.

     Mr. Ackerman clicked his tongue. »Finished? I refuse to leave this place like that. We’re going to clean every last centimetre of this apartment, before that no one will have lunch.« He pulled out some cleaning supplies from the passenger seat in his car and handed [Name] and Hanji some of them.

     Hanji groaned. »What a horrible clean freak you are, seriously. But, oh, there comes my saviour!«

     A car pulled into the driveway and Erwin emerged from it. He looked at his colleagues and his student in confusion. »What are you doing out here in the cold?« he asked but once he saw the cleaning supplies in [Name]’s hands he sighed. »Why did I see that coming? Listen, Hanji, you can drive back and I will help them clean, okay? And I’ve talked to your landlord, [Name], you won’t have to pay the rent for next month or the reparation fee for the broken heater. And he is very sorry that this problem has lasted so long and led to health problems. Are you feeling better today?«

     She nodded. _It was a lie_. But this time, Mr. Smith seemed to believe her.

 

✿✿✿

 

     By the time they returned to Hanji’s place, [Name] felt like she could pass out right then and there. She didn’t think that Mr. Ackerman would work her this hard and she was sure that she’d never cleaned anything this pernickety than her room with Mr. Ackerman’s piercing glare in her back.

     On the way back, she sat beside Mr. Smith in his car and just wanted to get some rest afterwards. Unfortunately, she was dragged to have lunch with everyone, helping Mr. Smith and Mr. Ackerman with the cooking since the latter banned Hanji from touching the food when he was here – because, in his words, he feared food poisoning and wondered how she kept herself alive.

     [Name] choked down her food, resisting the urge to throw up. But the worst thing was the small talk.

     »I’ve heard you want to apply for an art school, [Name],« Mr. Smith said halfway through lunch.

     »Uhm, yeah,« she said, »but I am also applying for a regular university. My chances of getting into art school are close to zero.«

     »I see, that’s why you make such a fuss over your grade point average.« Mr. Ackerman put down his fork and looked at his student. »You know, sometimes you remind me of Petra.«

     »Mrs. Bozard?« [Name] asked.

     Mr. Ackerman nodded. »She’s the same age as I am and we went to school together. She wanted to get into art school too, but failed and became an art teacher instead. I think that’s why she’s so infatuated with you. She wants you to live your dream.«

     [Name]’s face heated up. »I didn’t know …«

     Hanji smiled. »Your art is unbelievably beautiful, [Name]. And you can always rely on us! Everything will be alright.«

     But in that moment, [Name] couldn’t help but think that she wasn’t even able to tell them that she wasn’t alright at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friendly reminder:  
> Levi's 5'3'' (160cm) tall and almost 26 years old - Reader-chan is 4'11'' (150cm) tall~  
> Just because I've read it to my roommate and she was a bit confused ;)
> 
> The next chapter will contain angst, prepare for that!
> 
> Please leave a Kudos or a comment if you liked it, I really want to know what you think ♥


	10. Breakdown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the promised angst! I feel so sorry for Reader-chan ...
> 
> Please enjoy the chapter ♥

     On Monday morning, [Name] didn’t actually feel too bad. She felt a little warmer than usual but she blamed it on the fact that she had been in a cold apartment for way too long. Though she still hadn’t managed to sleep at all, she was sure to get through the day. She could even drink this damn coffee now without having to resist the urge to vomit. Hanji was delighted to see her so lively and wished her a good day before she left the house.

     »Look who’s here!« Marco’s eyes became teary eyed when he saw his best friend heading in their direction and couldn’t help but pull her into an embrace. »God, I was so worried about you.« He ruffled through her hair.

     »Marco, I can’t breathe!« Marco’s grip was like iron and because she was much smaller, she was pressed into his chest really tight. »J-Jean! Help me!«

     »Love, you’re suffocating her,« Jean said laughing and managed to unwrap his boyfriend from the poor girl. »But really, [Name], don’t you ever scare me like that again.« Jean took Marco’s hand and tugged [Name] under his shoulder.

     »Thank you for everything,« she said, »and I am sorry for worrying you so much. You are seriously the best friends ever.«

     »We know,« Jean grinned, »so, tell us, how is it to live with Ms. Zoe? She didn’t need you to help her with her crazy experiments, did she?«

     [Name] laughed. »No, she has Mr. Berner for that. And Hanji is a really nice person. We watched Disney movies together on Saturday after Mr. Smith and Mr. Ackerman went home.«

     »Wow, you’re getting involved with a lot of teachers lately.«

     »You didn’t need to point that out, Marco. And I can tell you that it feels really awkward. Especially with Mr. Ackerman. He’s like another person outside of school and it’s freaking me out somehow. And Hanji even told me that they were dating for a year.«

     »No way, Mr. Ackerman and Ms. Zoe? What the hell?« Jean looked at his friend in utter disbelief. The idea of his two teachers dating was seriously shocking, unexpected and – he didn’t even want to think about it. Those two? Never.

 

✿✿✿

 

     During the first period, all her friends approached her, asking if she was alright and they all looked very relieved to see their friend smiling again; especially Armin. Mikasa told her that he wasn’t able to concentrate during chemistry after he had helped Mr. Smith to gather all her things. She also told her that Eren’s father had exclaimed his worry but she would tell him that [Name] was alright.

     Annie swung an arm around [Name] and sat beside her. »You’re dumb,« she simply said. »Don’t you dare become such a suicidal bastard like Eren.«

     »Sorry,« [Name] whispered, »and I won’t, I promise.«

     »Good. Otherwise, I would’ve beaten you up. And make sure to eat something, you look horrible. But I guess you look like that when you’ve been sick.«

     It was true that [Name] still looked very pale but she hadn’t slept for seven days straight now, everyone would look horrible by then. But she’d rather keep quiet about that.

 

     The first period ended, and [Name] started to feel quite tired. She couldn’t concentrate like she wanted to but so far, she didn’t even feel the need to throw up what she just ate like the day before. Hopefully, she could sleep tonight, maybe she should just stop drinking coffee. The caffeine which kept her awake during the day most likely kept her also awake at night.

     She headed to literature class and was taken aside by Mr. Zacharias. »It’s good to see you again, [Name]. Though I didn’t think I would see you until Wednesday.«

     »I am fine, Mr. Zacharias, don’t worry. I don’t want to miss any of your classes because of the exam,« she said and smiled a little. Mr. Zacharias was one of the nicest teachers she’d ever had. He was one of those people who had made an appeal to their profession – he was calm and composed and taught in a way everyone could understand. He cared and worried about his students’ well-being and was the first to speak up for the students if they weren’t heard.

     »Don’t push yourself, [Name], you should listen to your body. It tells you more than your mind sometimes. And you still look a little pale, so if you shouldn’t feel alright during class, just step out if you need to.«

     »Thank you, Mr. Zacharias. And again, sorry for the trouble during Friday’s lesson.«

     [Name] sat between Mikasa and Armin, greeting both of them with a smile. Armin’s face flushed deep red and he stuttered a greeting, while Mikasa just rolled her eyes. [Name]’s eyes grew heavy during the lesson and she drank her whole water bottle just to keep herself awake. She had only art class after that, she reminded herself, then she could go home and lie down for a bit.

     And the thought of her sketch and the beautiful music in Petra’s classroom cheered her up.

     Someone poked her shoulder. »I’m sorry for telling Mr. Smith about your panic attack without your consent, [Name]. I hope you’re not mad at me.«

     »I would never be mad at you, Armin,« she whispered. »Actually, I am thankful. Would you like to go out sometime this week?«

     Armin nodded.

     »Call me,« she mouthed and the lesson continued.

 

     By the end of literature class, [Name]’s head buzzed unpleasantly. She was sure that a migraine was coming up but she always managed to relax during drawing, so she didn’t give it much thought. While Armin and Reiner headed for their physics class, Marco, Bertolt and Annie headed for P.E. and Jean and [Name] made their way upstairs to Mrs. Bozard’s classroom.

     »You didn’t tell me what you wanted to draw, [Nickname],« he said. »What makes the godmother of my future children happy the most?«

     [Name] giggled. »You know that set of brushes I have?«

     »Those expensive ones you only use for your masterpieces?«

     »I’ve never done a masterpiece, Jean,« she said and rolled her eyes, still ignoring the upcoming migraine, »but yes, those. They were, apparently, a gift from Hanji and Mr. Ackerman and I love those brushes more than anything. Painting with those feels like having a piece of heaven between your hands.«

     »Wow, now that’s a statement. But yeah, that suits you.« Jean thought for a moment while they walked along the crowded hallway. »But I am sure you will think of other things once you’ve got yourself a boyfriend. By the way, I saw you whispering to Armin in class earlier, is there something going on between you two I should know?«

     »Huh? We are just friends, Jean, there is nothing going on between us.« She looked at him with a crocked eyebrow. »Why would you think that?«

     »Gosh, you’re blind, aren’t you? His face always seems like a tomato when he’s talking to you. And Mikasa and Eren had to stop him from running after you and Marco when you got sick during class last Friday. He definitely has a huge crush on you.«

     »That’s nonsense, Jean. Armin would never fall for someone like me. I mean, he’s smart and kind and friendly to everyone. You’re imagining things.« [Name]’s gaze dropped to the floor. No one would fall for someone like her, she thought sadly. And she didn’t even want someone to fall for her. What did she have? She was shy and couldn’t ask for help where other girls were full of self-esteem. She was not pretty, she didn’t know how to put on make-up properly, she always wore big sweaters because they hid her scars so well and she looked like a twelve-year old rather than a seventeen-year old. Who in the world would fall for that?

     Jean just sighed. He shouldn’t have brought up this topic. [Name] had always been self-conscious but after her mother had died, it had gotten worse – if that was even possible. He had often wondered how she must see herself in the mirror. He had seen her in just underwear on a few occasions, always wondering why she hid herself under all those sweaters. She was cute and of a slender built, her hair was very soft and her eyes were still beautiful, even if they had become quite dull. He was sure that if he wasn’t so in love with Marco, he would’ve fallen for her.

 

     Mrs. Bozard was already waiting for her students to get ready. The music was already playing and Jean and [Name] sat together in the middle of the class, Jean letting his friend have the seat by the window so she could look outside. He knew how much she loved that.

     »Alright,« Mrs. Bozard said, »you can continue. And if I could beg two of you to clean the classroom after the lesson, unfortunately I have an appointment and I don’t want to leave a dirty classroom for the caretaker. We all know he’s getting a bit too old for his job.«

     »And too drunk,« Jean added silently and [Name] chuckled.

     She took out her pencil and continued her sketch. She slowly started to relax while listening to a fantastic piano piece she recognized but didn’t exactly know where to put it. While most of the others already started with colouring their drawings, [Name] still held her pencil in her hand and looked at what she had just drawn.

     She finally decided that it was good enough and started to mix some water-colours. They were mostly dark, a brownish black, other shades of dark brown, some green and yellow, different shades of grey and blue.

     But she could hardly concentrate anymore. With the migraine fully kicked in, she had to close her eyes for a moment, trying to blink away the dizziness. She felt hot.

     »Mrs. Bozard, may I go to the bathroom?« she heard herself ask and her body moved on his own the second her teacher nodded. It wasn’t unusual for students to excuse themselves during art class so Jean didn’t really pay attention to his friend. And girls had to deal with other stuff too, right?

 

     It was much cooler in the hallway than in the classroom, but that certainly didn’t help her at the moment. She hurried to the nearest bathroom, washing her face with some cold water there. She took out some painkillers from her pocket and gulped them down with water.

     She took a few deep breaths and looked at her reflection in the mirror. Nothing too bad, she thought and when the dizziness ebbed away, she decided to go back to class.

     The minute she stepped out of the bathroom, she ran into something very solid. »Excuse me, I didn’t look where I was going.«

     »If it isn’t [Name]!« It was Reiner. He grinned down at the girl, patting her head. »I was ill on Friday but Bertolt and Annie told me what happened. I hope you’re alright now. But you still look pale, to be honest.«

     »Ah, don’t worry. Oh, I found that sweater I borrowed from you once, while I was packing my things on Saturday. It’s all nice and clean. I can give it back to you tomorrow.«

     »Nah, keep it,« he said and shrugged. »I know you love our sweaters even if I don’t understand why. But I have to go back to class or Mr. Schultz will make me do extra work. See ya!«

 

✿✿✿

 

     If someone asked her how she had survived her art class without actually dying, she wouldn’t be able to answer. But when her teacher clapped her hands and said that it was time to gather their things, she was happy that it was finally over. The painkillers hadn’t had the affect she hoped they would and her migraine had got worse than ever. She also felt very, very hot even if her hands were as cold as always.

     »Jean, [Name],« she heard Mrs. Bozard say when she had just taken off her apron. »I know that the class is already over but would you two please clean the room a bit? I really have to go.«

     »Yeah, no problem,« said Jean. [Name] said nothing.

     »You two are lifesavers!« Mrs. Bozard beamed. She thanked both of them for at least three times before she left the classroom and hurried off.

     Jean and [Name] started to pick up several pieces of trash and dirty glasses. They were halfway through their work when Jean headed to the bathroom, leaving his friend alone.

     Breathing became hard. Her hands shook violently when she picked up one of the glasses filled with coloured water and she wanted to wash it out but then, everything happened in a matter of seconds.

     The world began to spin around her. The pounding in her skull was so bad now, she had to close her eyes. A cold shiver ran down her spine – and she was unconscious before she hit the floor, the glass shattering.

 

 

     Levi was talking to Mike in the hallway when he heard two dreadful sounds – something heavy colliding with the floor and the breaking of glass. He looked up at his colleague. »What was that?«

     Mike, possessing an incredibly precise nose, hurried towards the art classroom without saying a word. Levi ran after him.

     When Mike opened the door, they both weren’t able to move for a moment. There was an awful lot of blood on the floor, shattered pieces of glass in between. It took Levi a moment to realise that the person lying on the floor was one of his students.

     »[Name]!« he shouted and he ran into the room, shortly followed by Mike. Levi shook his student’s shoulders very careful. »Oi, [Name]! Can you hear me?« He slowly turned her around. Her face was white.

     »Levi, her hands.« Mike pointed above her head. She must’ve cut her hands while falling.

     »Shit, she’s burning,« Levi hissed the moment he had touched her face. »[Name]! Wake up!«

     »Levi,« Mike said calmly, »we have to bring her to the hospital.« He stood up and looked for some towels to wrap her hands in.

 

     It was that moment, when Jean reappeared. »Sorry for taking so- Oh my god!« He nearly fainted. There was blood. A lot of blood. [Name] was as white as a ghost and her eyes were closed. Her body just hung lifeless in his maths teacher’s arms, who was lifting her up from the floor now.

     »[N-Name],« he breathed, voice and legs shaking. »What happened?«

     »We don’t know,« Mike said and put a hand on his student’s shoulder, »we only heard the sound of breaking glass. She was already lying there when we came in. But she seems to have a fever and we will bring her to the hospital. Please, stay calm, Jean.«

     »B-But-,« he tried desperately to grasp the situation.

     »Mike!« Levi called. »We have to hurry!«

 

     And Jean was left alone in the hallway, not knowing what was going on and fearing that he had just lost one of his closest friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And cliffhanger. I am not even sorry!
> 
> Please leave a comment or a Kudos if you liked it ♥


	11. Better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, thank you all so much for the massive support. Your comments are so loving and they make my day so much brighter ♥ I've never recieved so much positive feedback in my entire life and I am so, so happy :D
> 
> But actually, my internet died and I am currently freaking out. Thanks to my friend who let me upload the chapter even if it's already late where I live. QwQ  
> I actually enjoyed writing this chapter. There will be some fluff!
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it ♥

     Her body felt numb. It was like she just awoke from a very deep and very long slumber – but it was a dreamless one, like an endless fall into a pitch-black hole. Her consciousness came back little by little. Her head was heavy as well as her chest – it felt like a stone was put on her body, making breathing very hard.

     Where was she? The last thing she could remember … What was it again? She groaned. She felt more awful than ever before. Her hands hurt like hell and she felt like there were bandages. And her head hurt, too. Did she hit it or something? And what was that thing she felt plastered on her forehead? Why couldn’t she remember what had happened? Wasn’t she at school with Jean?

     She opened her eyes very slowly and was greeted by comforting darkness. The smell was familiar. Was she in her room at Hanji’s house? How did she get here? She was utterly confused. Had this all been a dream or something?

 

     [Name] was pulled out of her thoughts by the soft sound of the door opening. A tall figure stepped in, closing the door behind them as silently as possible. The person approached the bed and [Name] felt the mattress drop to one side. »Are you awake, [Name]?« Hanji asked in a very unusual tone. She reached out and touched [Name]’s cheek. »Oh, you’re really awake!«

     Hanji sounded like she was about to cry. She leaned down and hugged the girl. »I was so worried, oh my God, I thought I would lose you,« she whispered, the tears now flowing freely. [Name] was too worn out to actually tear up but the overwhelming wave of guilt threatened to suffocate her.

     »I’m sorry, Hanji,« she choked out. »But I don’t remember what happened.«

     Hanji backed away and rubbed her cheeks, snorting a little. »You don’t remember?« Her voice cracked a bit. »You fainted after your art class on Monday. Apparently, you had a dangerously high fever. Levi and Mike took you to the hospital and brought you home afterwards.« Hanji reached out for her forehead, grabbing the cloth which had been placed there and put her hand on it instead. »You’re still very hot.« She stood up to reach for what [Name] assumed was a bowl – she wondered how Hanji could see anything – and dipped the cloth in. She wrung it out and placed it back on the girl’s forehead.

     »Monday?« [Name] mumbled, »Hanji, what day is it?« She sounded really weak, as if she would fall asleep at any moment.

     »It’s Wednesday evening,« Hanji caressed her cheek while speaking, »you slept for two days straight, darling. Why didn’t you tell me that you couldn’t sleep at night? According to the doctor, you were going without sleep at least a whole week. Sweetie, I was so worried when Mike called me.«

     There was a knot in [Name]’s throat which seemed impossible to swallow. She never wanted to worry Hanji. »I am sorry … I guess I just wanted to be okay on my own. And I didn’t actually feel too bad when I left the house on Monday morning. I thought I would be alright.«

     Hanji sighed. »Oh dear, what do I do with you? And your friend, Jean, nearly had a stroke when he came back to the classroom. According to him, you were hanging lifeless in Levi’s arms, pale as a ghost, and blood surrounding you. He thought you were dead.«

     [Name]’s heart stopped for a moment only to pick up its speed with the next beat. »O-Oh my god, I need to call him immediately.« She tried to sit up but she had literally no strength and just collapsed back into the pillows.

     »Don’t worry, sweetie, I called him on Monday after Levi and Mike had brought you back here. And I invited him over yesterday. He was here with Marco and they were in your room for a while. They brought you this.« Hanji pointed to something next to [Name]’s head in the dark. She could barely tell what it was.

     »It’s a teddy bear,« Hanji said softly, »and the biggest one I’ve ever seen so far. Oh, and he’s wearing a really big sweater!«

     [Name] chuckled weakly. »Must be my favourite one from Bertl. It smells like his laundry ingredient.« She reached out to yank the gift closer, feeling the soft materials of a plushie and the sweater. »I really want to wrap myself in that sweater right now.«

 

     Hanji helped [Name] to put the sweater on and laid her back down, teddy in her arms. It was nearly as big as the girl herself.

     A soft knock on the door made Hanji realize that she had been in the room for quite a while now and that she had guests. Before any of them could respond, the door opened but didn’t close. A dim light flooded the room, not too bright but uncomfortable for [Name]’s oversensitive eyes.

     »Sorry, Shortcakes, I wanted to come downstairs in a few moments. But [Name]’s finally awake!«

     Mr. Ackerman said nothing, only a relieved sigh escaping his lips. He slowly made his way to his student’s bed, sitting where Hanji was just a second ago while she just left the room with a smile on her face.

     [Name] was too tired to mind his presence. »I wanted to … thank you, Mr. Ackerman,« she said, sleep slowly taking her over again. »And I am sorry …«

     Levi took one of her hands in his, making sure not to brush the places she cut herself with the glass and feeling that her fingertips were really cold. »You’re a really troublesome brat,« he said, »but I am just glad that you’re alright now and didn’t die on me.«

     To be honest, it had been one of the most horrible days in Levi’s entire life. He had given first aid in his life before, but he just downright freaked out when he saw [Name] lying motionless on the floor. She didn’t respond to anything, not during the ride to the hospital, not after getting a proper medication and not even when they had brought her to bed, Hanji sobbing hysterically and Mike trying to calm her down.

     But the worst thing of that day had been the fifteen minutes after he and Mike had brought her to the hospital. She had been taken away by a lot of nurses and a doctor and he had to sit there waiting for whatever diagnose they came up with. He thought she had _died_.

     But she was alive and he was holding her hand right now, easing the pain in his heart. It was obviously his fault. He was her fucking teacher, if anyone should’ve noticed that there was something entirely wrong with her it would’ve been him. He was well aware of a teenager’s behaviour to try and handle things all by themselves – after all, he was one, too and damn, he was not an easy kid – and he should’ve just taken care of her by himself. Erwin was way too soft, not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable and overlooking way too much. But he was hardly the one to blame. Just when did he become so attached to his students?

     »Don’t you ever do this again,« he whispered, his student already asleep. »Please.« He leaned down to embrace her, listening to her steady breathing and the beating of her heart for a bit, before he left the room and went downstairs.

 

✿✿✿

 

     Mr. Smith came over for lunch on Thursday. He had heard the whole story from Levi on Monday evening and nearly collapsed upon hearing about his student’s health condition. He had been beyond worried and wasn’t the only one who couldn’t concentrate at all during his lessons. All of [Name]’s friends were just sitting there, not even talking to each other, because no one actually knew how their friend was doing. Mr. Smith had told them that [Name]’s life wasn’t in danger but that she still hadn’t woken up on Wednesday morning. Jean was especially pale after that but Mr. Smith could hardly blame him. Who wouldn’t be scared after seeing one of their friends in a state like _that_?

     Hanji had called him on Wednesday evening and he actually started crying. He didn’t care that he was an adult of thirty years, [Name] was awake and safe and he never felt happier in his whole life.

 

     She looked so much better than before, he thought when he entered her room, finding her hugging a gigantic teddy bear and wearing an oversized sweater. When she smiled at him, he couldn’t help but just embrace her, whispering how thankful he was that she was alright. He was never married or had children but [Name] was just like a daughter to him.

     He wrapped her in a blanket and picked her – and the teddy bear – up to bring her down to the living room so that she could eat together with him and Hanji. Mr. Smith had prepared a chicken soup beforehand and was glad that [Name] had her appetite back. She ate all of the soup, saying that it was really delicious.

     Mr. Smith stayed for a while longer until [Name] fell asleep and brought her back to her room before leaving.

 

 

     On Friday, [Name]’s fever had finally gone down but Hanji wouldn’t let her out of the house to make sure she would recover completely.

     »I really miss my friends,« [Name] said sadly, not having heard much from them the whole week. She had spoken with Marco and Jean on the phone and Jean had cried for nearly half an hour after hearing his friend’s voice again.

     »I can imagine,« Hanji said softly, sitting next to [Name] on her bed, changing the bandages. The cuts had been unfortunately deep but they would heal and [Name] wouldn’t have any problems afterwards. »Would you like me to invite them over for a bit? I’m sure they would love to see you.«

     [Name]’s face lit up. »Is that really okay for you, Hanji?«

     »Of course!« she beamed. »Your friends are all very nice, I mean, they’re my students.« She cackled. »Just give me their numbers and I’ll invite them over for you.«

     Within thirty minutes all of [Name]’s friends had given their okay for a visit in the afternoon. All of them were relieved that she was alright and strong enough to see them and Reiner even skipped one of his classes so he could see her.

 

✿✿✿

 

     [Name] was lying on the sofa in the living room when the doorbell rang and an overenthusiastic Hanji – who actually managed to prepare _eatable_ snacks – opened the door. She beamed at her students. »Come in! [Name]’s already waiting for you in the living room, just go through.«

     Upon hearing the shuffling in the doorway, [Name] sat up, leaning on her teddy bear for support.

     Jean was the first to approach her and wrapped his arms around her fragile form, pressing her so tight to his body there wasn’t even space for some paper. »I thought you were gone!« he cried, »I thought that this was the last time I would see you! I was so scared, [Name]! Don’t leave me!«

     »Jean, a-air!« she gasped. He was sobbing so hard that he couldn’t even hear her.

     »Are you trying to suffocate her after she barely survived on Monday?« Ymir asked annoyed, signalling Marco that he should take care of his boyfriend before he would kill [Name].

     Marco just chuckled and pulled Jean away from [Name] before hugging her himself. It was a very gentle embrace but stronger than usual, [Name] noticed. »It’s so good to see you again. I missed you.«

     »I missed you, too,« she whispered, already on the verge of tears.

     After Marco, Armin was pushed forward by Mikasa and he stumbled into [Name]’s arms before he could regain his balance. She didn’t mind though, and wrapped her arms around his neck, closing her eyes and inhaling his scent. He had done so much for her, she felt as if she could never repay him for that. »Do you still want to go out for coffee?« Armin asked, trying hard to hold in his tears.

     »The doctors said I should not drink coffee for a while,« she sniffed, »but tea would be nice.«

     »Aw, aren’t you two sweet?« Sasha snickered. »Make a move, Ar, you can have her all by yourself later. Now give your best friend a hug!« She nearly flung herself onto [Name]. They nearly doubled over and when Connie joined the crazy hug, [Name] had to gasp for air the second time this day.

     Luckily, Annie and Mikasa were more careful and gentle and Ymir only patted her head while [Name] hugged Historia. Reiner was very careful too; he felt really bad that he didn’t ask further on Monday since he passed her in the hallway shortly before she had collapsed.

     Bertolt was the last and smiled when he kneeled down on the floor to embrace and actually face her. »Thank you for the sweater, Bertl,« she said, still wearing the way too big clothing.

     »No problem. But I want it back since it’s my favourite, too.« It was a lie, though. He just wanted it back so she could borrow it again and it would actually smell like him – he knew she loved that.

     »I’ll wash it and give it back to you. It won’t smell nice anyway if I would keep it too long.« Bertolt stood up and made himself comfortable. »And guys, I am so sorry for what happened.«

     »Jean called all of us shortly after your little accident. I really thought I would have to go to hell to kill you again,« Annie deadpanned, earning a few giggles from Sasha and Connie.

     »Seriously, shorty, we all thought you were done for.«

     »Could we change the topic for once, please?« [Name] felt really uncomfortable. »I know that I’m stupid.«

     »Oh, I would say that you’re more intelligent than all of us – excluding Armin,« Eren said, »just stubborn enough to make your body showing you your limits. My father nearly threw a fit when I told him what had happened. He said, he should’ve given you a doctor’s certificate.«

     »Please thank your father for his concern, Eren.«

     »Are you coming to school on Monday?« Marco asked.

     At that moment, Hanji came out of the kitchen, carrying the plates with the snacks. »If she does well all weekend I might let her out of the house on Monday,« she said, sitting next to [Name] on the sofa. »Don’t worry, from now on I will take care of her.«

     »And I will take care of _her_ ,« [Name] said, pointing at Hanji.

     And everyone started laughing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What will happen next? I can promise you that dear Mr. Ackerman will have his sweet time with Reader-chan in the following chapters~
> 
> Please leave a Kudos or a comment if you liked it ♥


	12. Fragile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After finishing my homework for tomorrow, I can finally upload the new chapter!  
> So, this is the last one of the first ark, if you want to call it like that :) Meaning, the next chapter will finally start with the interactions between Reader-chan and dear Mr. Ackerman~
> 
> The lyrics are from "Fragile Heart" by Westlife.
> 
> Enjoy the chapter ♥

_A fragile heart_

_was broken before._

_I don’t think it could endure another pain._

_A fragile voice_

_from deep inside of you._

_That’s calling out to make you realise._

_The German writer Johann Wolfgang von Goethe once wrote, if only these treasures were not so fragile as they are precious and beautiful._

 

 

     The first snow covered the city shortly before Christmas. [Name] had started to go to school regularly again, catching up on all her classes and her daily life slowly normalized itself. She still talked to Mr. Smith on Friday afternoon but merely just to chat with him or invite him over on Hanji’s behalf.

     Hanji had made her also cut down on her work schedule, only allowing her a maximum of two days per week, much to [Name]’s protest. But with all the exams still facing her and her friends wanting to go out more often, she gave in. Her boss was actually delighted, expressing his worry by hugging his employee for at least half an hour until his boyfriend had dragged him away to let the girl breathe.

     [Name] really enjoyed living with Hanji. She had forgotten how good it felt to be greeted when coming home or to eat with someone or hearing someone say »I love you«; which Hanji said quite a lot, actually. There were a lot of hugs and movie nights, Hanji even loving the idea of watching some anime [Name] was interested in lately – and especially those from Studio Ghibli [Name] loved so much because of the beautiful landscapes. [Name] also cooked a lot and slowly taught Hanji not to burn food or poison it by accident. Mr. Smith and Mr. Ackerman also came over quite a lot, Hanji always dragging the latter to join them.

     But the most frequent visitor became Mr. Berner. He would often join them on Sundays or even inviting Hanji and [Name] for lunch or dinner. And [Name] couldn’t help but think that Mr. Berner had a crush on Hanji.

 

     Giggling, [Name] watched him on a Sunday afternoon, while they just sat in the living room, playing a stupid board game she had already lost and was sipping on a mug of hot chocolate. Mr. Berner tried really hard not to admire the concentrated look on Hanji’s face whenever it was her turn to make a move and [Name] couldn’t help but pity him a bit because Hanji didn’t notice the slightest.

     »Yahoo, I won!« she exclaimed happily and Mr. Berner sighed. He was so focused on Hanji, he had made some pretty stupid moves. »Does anyone want to play again?«

     »I think I’ll pass, Hanji,« [Name] said smiling, bringing her now empty mug to the kitchen.

     »And I will head home now,« she heard Mr. Berner say, »it’s already getting pretty late and it looks like it will start snowing soon.« He stood up and gathered his things, Hanji bringing the other two cups to the kitchen.

     »I’ll bring him to the door!« [Name] ran to the doorway, catching Mr. Berner while he slipped on his shoes. He turned around and gave her a smile.

     »Thanks for the delicious dinner, [Name],« he thanked her. »I will see you on Tuesday.«

     »You know,« she began, her voice barely audible, »you have to tell her that you like her. Hanji lives in her own world, she won’t notice if you just keep staring at her.«

     Mr. Berner blushed all shades of red. »O-Oh god, is it really that obvious?«

     He wasn’t even denying it, how cute. [Name] nodded. »Why don’t you take her out alone sometime?« She really wanted them to, actually she had been trying to ditch them whenever Mr. Berner invited them for dinner, but unfortunately, most of her friends were occupied with their own families on Sunday. So, she always had to come along – but she felt really sorry for Hanji’s assistant.

     »I don’t know. She will probably say no.«

     »Why should she? You’re nice.« Because Mr. Berner wasn’t actually one of her teachers, she found it a lot easier to get along with him than with Mr. Ackerman – it was still weird to see him here.

     »Thank you, [Name]. Besides, you’re a very nice girl, too.« He smiled.

     »Just ask her out on a Saturday evening for once, then I can go over to a friend’s house.« Eren and Mikasa lived in the neighbourhood. But suddenly, [Name] had an idea. »Or ask her out for Christmas Eve! She wanted to go to the market that day and I really don’t want to be dragged along. And don’t forget to smooch her under a mistletoe.« [Name] giggled, his expression was priceless.

     »I-I will try my best,« he stuttered, turning all red again.

     Her expression softened. »Men never really stop doing that, don’t they? You remind me of Bertolt, trying to ask Annie out. Why don’t you just ask her now? Christmas is in a week, you know?«

     Mr. Berner looked like he was choosing between really asking her and running away. He took a deep breath. »Fine. I’ll ask her.« And he slipped his shoes off, walking back inside.

     [Name] followed him on her tiptoes, stopping right before the kitchen.

     »Say, Hanji,« he began and Hanji looked up from the dishes. »I wanted to ask you something.«

     »Oh? Is it about the experiment I planned for the next class?« she asked excitedly, but he just shook his head. »Then what?« She smiled at him.

     »I know Christmas Eve’s coming up and I heard that the market would be great, so, would you like to, uhm, accompany me there or something?«

     »Sounds great!« Hanji beamed. »I wanted to go there! And it will be even more fun with us three-«

     »I don’t want to go,« [Name] said, interrupting her. »I don’t particularly like those markets, there are just too many people who would step on me.«

     Hanji seemed to think. »You know, I am not that comfortable with leaving you alone like that on Christmas Eve. Or do you have a date?« Hanji smirked.

     »No, I don’t have a date, Hanji. But why don’t you enjoy your teenager-free time? I am sure I will find something to kill time with. So don’t worry about me.«

     Hanji looked from Moblit to [Name] and back. Her expression was more serious than [Name] thought it would be and she actually started worrying that Hanji was choosing to stay home just for her sake. But everything [Name] wanted was for Hanji to have some time for herself. Ever since she had moved in, Hanji barely had any social interaction outside of that house.

     »Okay, here’s the plan,« Hanji finally said and Moblit and [Name] turned their attention towards the crazy scientist, »I will go to the market with Moblit and you will stay at Levi’s, okay?«

     »What?« That came out louder than she had intended to and covered her mouth as fast as possible.

     »Yeah!« Hanji grinned again. Another bad idea, [Name] thought. »Shorty is always so grumpy during the holidays and Erwin is not here. I am sure he would love to spend some time with you. He keeps asking me nonstop about how you’re doing, since you seem to avoid him even more than usually during class. It’s just one afternoon, darling.«

     [Name] glanced at Mr. Berner and sighed. »Fine, but only that one afternoon.«

     »Yahoo!«

     »Thank you,« Mr. Berner whispered.

     Well, it was a beginning.

 

✿✿✿

 

     »You’re too kind for this world, [Name], you know.« Mikasa pulled her on her two feet after she had slipped on the ice. »But you’ve given my dumb cousin a great excuse not to show up on Christmas Eve again, I think that’s why he agreed.«

     The girls had decided to go ice skating before the announced snow storm would shut them all in. [Name] had just told them what exactly had happened over the weekend and she hadn’t been the only one who had noticed that Mr. Berner had heart eyes for Hanji.

     »Say, Mikasa,« [Name] said, finally finding her balance; it had been a while since she’d been standing on the ice the last time, »why don’t you like your cousin?«

     »Is there any reason to like that stupid midget?« she deadpanned and [Name] regretted asking. »It’s nothing in specific. We just didn’t get along after he had moved in with us. My father and his mother weren’t that close because of a fight or something but after his parents had died, we were the only ones to take him in. Our uncle, Kenny, is an even bigger dumbass. He’s probably in jail.«

     »What a lovely family,« Ymir rolled her eyes, holding onto Historia for dear life, »but let’s not talk about that anymore. Bertl’s turning eighteen soon, isn’t he?«

     »Yeah,« Annie nodded, gracefully gliding over the icy surface, »Reiner’s up to something but won’t tell me what.«

     »Can we plan a party for him?« Sasha asked excitedly, looking like a younger version of Hanji, which made [Name] laugh. »And [Name] will bake the cake!«

     »And you won’t get any before we do,« said Historia, enjoying Sasha’s pained grimace.

     Bertolt was actually the oldest out of [Name]’s friends. Being born on December 30, he could’ve graduated by now but he was put one year back just before entering Pre-School. »Reiner mentioned getting him drunk, but I don’t think that’s a good idea.« [Name] slipped again and landed on her butt. Annie helped her stand up. »And it’s New Year’s Eve after his birthday, too.«

     »That means three days of nonstop feasting!« Sasha bumped her fist into the air, nearly risking a fall. »What are we doing on your birthday, [Nickname]?«

     »Oh, I didn’t plan on celebrating,« she admitted. [Name]’s birthday was actually new year. But it would be her first birthday without her mother and she honestly didn’t feel like celebrating at all. Normally, they would all get together on New Year’s Eve, celebrating the new year and [Name]’s birthday together.

     »Don’t you dare,« pouted Historia, »we’ve been waiting for your eighteenth birthday way too long! I mean, I still find it funny that you’re just two days younger than Bertolt. You, of all people!«

     »Says the one who is just two weeks younger than me,« [Name] said. »Do what you want. Just don’t try getting me drunk.«

 

     »Hey! Girls!« They turned around.

     Reiner was heading towards them, trying to show off how good he could move around on the ice. He was with the other boys who approached the group of girls slowly. »What’s up?«

     »No one invited you,« said Annie, obviously displeased with the sudden intrusion.

     »Aw, come on. Eren mentioned that you wanted to go ice skating before the snow storm this weekend. And we decided to join you.« Reiner shrugged, looking slightly triumphant.

     Marco and Jean put their arms around [Name], trying to hug her without all of them falling to the ground. »You look like you’ve already smooched the ice today, [Nickname],« Jean joked, wiping off the reminder of her previous impact with the ground.

     »I can’t help it, it’s been so long since I’ve had the chance to go ice skating.« [Name] held onto Marco while Jean was cleaning her jacket. Mikasa shot Eren a deadly glare for telling his friends where she had gone and Bertolt and Armin kept themselves in the background.

     Connie had started chasing after Sasha.

     »So, what are you all doing during the snow storm?« asked Eren after a while.

     »It’s christmas,« Ymir said, »my mom wants to drag me to gran over the holidays. But I’ll be back to celebrate new year with you dumbasses.«

     »Oh, stop it, Ymir!« Historia exclaimed. »But the same goes for me. My parents want to visit my grandparents and apparently a few aunts and uncles I haven’t seen in a few years.«

     »I will be with Mr. Ackerman on Christmas Eve because I am too nice,« murmured [Name], earning a few wide stares. »Oh, please, don’t say anything. I am going to die.«

     »Isn’t he at Ms. Zoe’s house pretty often?« Bertolt asked, finally coming closer and dragging Armin with him. »I thought that you would’ve gotten used to him.«

     »I don’t know … It feels weird. _He’s_ weird,« [Name] huffed in frustration.

     »It won’t be that bad, I am sure of that,« Armin said, offering [Name] a warm smile. Before she had the chance to say anything, someone pushed her forward right into Armin’s arms. Thanks to his fast reflexes, they didn’t score a fall, but wrapped their arms tightly around each other, their bodies pressed together.

     »J-Jean!«

     The culprit just laughed, took Marco by the hand and dragged him along the ice.

     »I am sorry, Armin. You’re not hurt, are you?« she asked with concern in her voice. She looked right into his ocean orbs, feeling her cheeks heat up slightly. God, his eyes were so beautiful.

     »No, I am not. You’re not hurt either, I hope.« He held her tight to his chest, not even realizing he did so. It had been a long time since they were so close together. She shook her head, not able to look away. Being held like that felt so right – and yet, there was something bothering her. But she didn’t think about that when she heard some wolf whistles.

     »Go get some, Ar! But don’t break her!« Annie kicked Reiner for that comment.

     Both of them blushed. »Uhm, sorry for that,« [Name] whispered.

     »Don’t be,« Armin said, »I don’t mind. So, shall we?« He started to skate backwards, [Name] still in his arms.

     »Oh god, we will fall!«

     Armin just laughed. »I won’t let you fall. _Ever_.«

 

     She felt good. But something – she didn’t even know what – something really fragile just seemed to shatter within her heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a Kudos or a comment if you liked it! ♥
> 
> This chapter is so cute and I am one of the biggest MobuHan shippers on this planet, haha. Those two deserve so much love. And Reader-chan will be the matchmaker, haha.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed yourself ♥


	13. Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am back with a new chapter! And I love this one so much, it was so much fun to write it~  
> As I promised, there is some fluff between Reader-chan and Levi, I hope you'll enjoy it ♥

     [Name] found herself in front of her teacher’s house earlier than she had wanted to. Hanji and Mr. Berner had dropped her at her math teacher’s place before they headed to the market, saying they would pick her up when they were finished.

     It was an especially cold day, the dark clouds indicating that it would be snowing any time soon. The weather report warned everyone to stay inside or get home as fast as possible once it started to snow and [Name] was actually a bit worried about Hanji but she wasn’t alone and that made her relax a bit.

     Mr. Ackerman opened the door with a not-so-pleased expression and [Name] stepped inside, trying it with a smile but he just said, »Shoes off, brat, I’ve got you some slippers.« She put them on and was surprised that they weren’t so big in size. But then she got a glimpse at her teacher’s shoes and they weren’t that much bigger than hers.

     »You want to stand in the doorway or do you want to come in?« He was leaning against the doorframe with an annoyed look in his eyes, that made [Name] feel really uncomfortable. Just when she thought that she could actually get along with him, he started acting like a cold-blooded bastard again.

     The first thing that [Name] noticed was that it was _spotless_ inside his house. It even smelled like he’d spent the whole morning cleaning his home but she said nothing about it. After he had made her scrub every corner in her former apartment, she had figured out by herself that he was a clean freak the world hadn’t seen yet.

     He led her to the living room, which had a nice view, and she sat down on the sofa, hands in her lap and facing the carpet under her feet. Mr. Ackerman sat down on the opposite side of the furniture and silence began to fall over them.

 

     Levi felt awkward, how was he supposed to spend the next few hours with his student? He couldn’t say no when Hanji had asked him, Erwin was visiting his parents in another town and seemingly all of her friends were too busy to look after her. He understood all too well that Hanji didn’t want to leave her alone for a few hours after everything that had happened but [Name] just didn’t seem to relax whenever he was around and the last thing he wanted her to be was nervous.

     It was Christmas Eve, after all, and even if he didn’t give a fuck about those stupid festivities, she sure didn’t want to spend the day like that. He looked at her from the corner of his eye and sighed. »You know, I am actually really surprised, [Name],« he spoke, making her flinch a bit.

     She let out a nervous chuckle and rubbed the back of her neck, avoiding to make eye contact. »By what?« she asked shyly. This girl would remain a mystery to him; once she’d warmed up with him, she could speak normally but the next time he saw her, it was like nothing had changed. Was he really that intimidating?

     »You avoid me in class and yet you’re here now just to do Berner a favour.« He continued looking at her, noticing that something was different from other times he had seen her. Was it because they were at his place? Or because he was just in casual attire?

     [Name] was still looking at her hands. »Oh, well, Mr. Berner seems to be so in love with Hanji but with me around he will never be able to tell her. And I _really_ don’t like Christmas markets.«

     »Hm.«

     A few seconds went by without either of them saying anything. Levi was thinking; could it be that Hanji had gotten so overprotective that she wouldn’t let her spend a night at her friend’s house? Or did the girl even have a boyfriend and was afraid to tell Hanji? Just when he was about to say something, she took a deep breath.

     »Mr. Ackerman, I don’t hate you,« she suddenly blurted out. He looked at her in surprise. »I just … I don’t know. It feels a bit weird, if you can understand what I mean.« Her face was flustered, when she finally looked at him.

     Levi just shook his head. »If you’re feeling too uncomfortable, you should just go and meet with your boyfriend. I won’t tell Shitty Glasses, I promise.«

     Now it was her turn to look at him with wide eyes. »What do you mean? I don’t have a boyfriend.«

     »You’re not dating Arlert?« He was seriously confused by now. After he had seen them together so often over the past month, he supposed they were a couple and she was just too afraid to tell Hanji.

     [Name] started laughing. »Armin and I are just friends, Mr. Ackerman. Did you really think that he was my boyfriend?« She smiled at him, the tension now gone.

     Levi leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest. »Sort of,« he mumbled, »sorry then, my fault.« He felt as if he had found something to talk about with her. »So, anyone you fancy, then? When I was your age, the girls were constantly crushing on someone. What about you? And I sincerely hope that it’s not Bott or Kirschtein.«

     [Name] giggled and made herself comfortable. She placed the slippers on the floor, bringing her legs up to her chest and nuzzling into the comfy sofa. »No, Jean and Marco are my best friends. And they’re such a cute couple. I had a crush on Marco when we were in Middle School but I’ve never told him.«

     Good, was the first thing that came to his mind. It was hard to like someone who was in a relationship with someone else. »What about that Hoover-kid?« he asked. »I suppose those oversized sweaters were from him.«

     »Bertolt is head over heels for Annie!« [Name] exclaimed, really surprised by his question. »Even Mr. Zacharias noticed that because I swear, he paired them up for the next project on purpose.«

     »He probably sniffed it out with that dog-like nose of his,« Levi murmured, »Jaeger?«

     [Name] raised an eyebrow. »Really?«

     »Okay, no, forget about that idiot, Mikasa would probably kill you. Though I still don’t understand why she’s so obsessed with him. But I sincerely hope that you haven’t fallen for Braun, because you can honestly do better than that, [Name].«

     »Reiner is actually really kind, apart from being the school’s biggest flirt. But no, I can’t imagine him being more than a friend. I guess he’s just not my type.« [Name] let go of her legs. Levi noticed that she was wearing sock with pandas on them.

     »I won’t ask you about Springer since he was smooching Brauss in the library last week during break.«

     »Oh, Sasha, you little shit, I’m going to get you for that,« he heard her mumble and he stared at her with shock in his eyes. Did she just _curse_? Before he could say anything, she was on her feet.

     »What’s wrong?« he asked immediately and shot up before he was even noticing it. »Are you alright?«

     She nodded and pointed at the window. »It’s snowing really bad, Mr. Ackerman.«

     [Name] was right; he hadn’t even realized that the two of them had been talking for so long that neither of them had noticed that the snow storm had already reached them. It wasn’t that bad yet, but it was really dark outside and thick snowflakes were blocking the sight.

     »I should call Hanji,« she said and grabbed her phone from the coffee table. »I hope they’re both okay.« She searched for the right contact. »Hello? Hanji? Can you hear me?«

     »[Nickname]!« she heard her cheerful voice and Levi noticed that her stiff shoulders immediately relaxed. »Are you alright, dear?«

     »I wanted to ask you the same question,« [Name] said, turning towards her teacher, »where are you? It has started snowing really bad.«

     »We’re actually on our way back home. The traffic is really bad and we’re currently discussing how we’re gonna get you, sweetheart.« Hanji sighed.

     [Name] looked up at her teacher who had his hand outstretched, wanting to talk to Hanji on the phone. She gave it to him. »Oi, Hanji, [Name] can stay here until the worst is over. Just don’t do anything reckless and make sure to stay safe, do you hear me?«

     »Did you ask [Name] if she wants to stay the night, Levi?«

     »It’s okay, Hanji,« she said reassuringly, having heard her speaking through the phone, »I just want you to make it home alright, I’ll be fine where I am.«

     »Oh, then I am relieved. I will get you as soon as possible, darling! And merry Christmas, Shorty!« The connection broke.

 

✿✿✿

 

     After Mr. Ackerman had made some tea, they were again sitting in the living room, talking about [Name]’s future. He had mentioned something Petra had said about [Name] wanting to try out for a scholarship at an art school because she couldn’t afford it otherwise. While she talked about her passion for painting, he saw a light in her eyes, he’d never seen before. After the accident last May, her eyes had become very dull. He really wished that she would get back that light in her eyes.

     She was just about to tell him about the painting she was currently working on, when the lights went out. It was pitch black in an instant and [Name] screeched.

     »Shit!« he cursed and stood up, nearly tripping over the coffee table. He reached for his own phone to bring light to the living room again. »Fuck, it’s a complete blackout. The whole street’s dark. Fucking snowstorm.« The wind howled outside. »I’ll get some blankets. It will get cold in here pretty soon because the heater’s out now. Just stay where you are.«

     He rushed out of the room. [Name] grabbed her phone, not being able to bear the darkness. She had no reception on her phone, the storm must’ve cut the phone line somewhere.

     Mr. Ackerman was back within a few minutes, dropping some blankets on her and making her wrap in them to keep her warm. He must remember how cold it was in her apartment without the heater on. When he sat back down, he was much closer to her than before, their knees barely touching.

 

     »You know,« she began after a while, her voice sounding soft but a bit sad at the same time, »I just realized that I am really glad you became my teacher, Mr. Ackerman.«

     »What makes you say that?« he asked. Neither of the students was very fond of him – the girls were usually just into his looks – but that was new.

     »Everyone else around me always has that look in their eyes that says, »I pity you«. But you don’t. I actually start feeling more confident, knowing that there is at least someone who looks at me like anyone else.«

     »What about me making you feel weird? You change your mind a fucking lot.«

     She laughed silently, carefully setting the mug on the coffee table and turning towards him. »Maybe because you’re my teacher? I don’t really know. It’s hard to be a teenager, you never actually know what’s going on with yourself. Everything I feel and do is just so confusing, it’s driving me insane sometimes.«

     »Wise word from a brat like you,« he said, facing her but not really able to see her, »you surely are more mature than some of your friends. But when you drove your body to the brink of exhaustion, you were the biggest idiot I’ve ever seen. Honestly, [Name], you scared the shit out of me.«

     »I am so sorry for that,« she whispered, » I really am.«

 

     That day was painfully engraved in Levi’s mind. The moment he had seen her lying there on the floor, the blood, her pale face – it had reminded him so much of a scene he had seen when he had been in High School, roughly the same age as her, maybe one or two years younger.

      He had seen his mother lying on the floor, blood covering her form, she didn’t open her eyes when he had screamed her name; his mother had died that night. _Suicide_. He had known that she hadn’t been alright for a really long time but he had thought that it had got better – and then, she was gone within an instant and he didn’t even get a chance to save her.

     But [Name] was now sitting next to him. She was alive. She had woken up. He could still see her, hear her voice, he could even touch her and that was all he needed to know. He didn't want something like that to ever happen again.

 

     »Can I ask you a question?«

     »Hm?« Being abruptly pulled out of his thoughts, he didn’t even process what she’d just said.

     »Do you have a girlfriend? I mean, I don’t want to be rude but since you asked me, I was just curious,« she rambled and he could practically _hear_ her blushing.

     »No,« he answered truthfully, »I don’t. And I don’t want one, either. Women are troublesome and all the dating stuff annoys me.«

     »That sounds actually pretty sad.«

     »Have you ever been on a date?«

     »No. And apart from Jean or Marco, I’ve never held hands, I’ve never been kissed and I’ve never got asked out,« she said as if it was nothing important. But he could hear her voice cracking a bit.

     »What are you, twelve?« he asked, not really sure what to say. Every girl her age had had at least one partner, right? He had a girlfriend at that time – Hanji. And when he was in High School, he had dated another girl but he had forgotten her name.

     »Who would be interested in someone like me?« she said and he was pretty sure that she was holding back her tears as hard as possible. »I am not pretty, people keep overlooking me or telling me that I look like a kid – and no one wants to go out with a child.«

     »What are you even talking about? I was kidding, [Name], don’t take that too serious. I am-«

     »This week,« she said, interrupting him, » I realized something. Whenever I was with Armin, I usually always felt good. It was like back then in Middle School when I developed my crush on Marco. But I think there were stronger feelings involved with Armin. This week, when he held me against him on the ice rink, it felt like those tender feelings I had for him had just … _shattered_. I seriously don’t feel the same as before. Did you know that was even possible? I didn’t.« She was crying by now.

     Levi moved closer, putting a hand on her shoulder. »What makes you say that, [Name]? Why are you giving up?« he said as soft as he could. It hadn’t been too long since he’d been a confused little teenager himself and he could understand her all too well.

     »I had those feelings for him for a while but I never said anything. Something always prevented me from doing so. I guess I let it just pass by. A stupid little crush, nothing more. I still like him a lot but not in a romantic way,« she sobbed, »but that’s okay. There are better girls than me.«

 

     Levi couldn’t help but feel sorry for her. That was similar to the way the relationship between him and Hanji had ended. He was too young and too inexperienced and she was – well – Hanji.

     He wrapped his hands lightly around her shaking figure and just held her while she was crying. Arlert may be a genius but he was stupid when it came to things considering emotions, he thought. The boy was so obviously in love with [Name] and never made an obvious move. And now he’d lost her for good.

 

     That night, [Name] and Levi fell asleep on the sofa, just holding onto each other and forgetting that they were student and teacher. That night, they were just two lonely people, needing the comfort and warmth of one another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, leave a Kudos or a comment if you liked the chapter ♥
> 
> And I know it sounds a bit stupid but what happened to Reader-chan with Armin is the same that happened to me with a friend of mine. It was in the middle of a conversation when I felt something crack inside my heart - because I had feelings for that guy for a while but I never had the guts to actually tell him ...
> 
> The next chapters will feature Levi as well, so don't worry! ♥


	14. Closer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR MASSIVE SUPPORT! We've reached 120 Kudos and I am so happy that you support this story so much. I am really too proud of myself but I am so, so grateful.  
> You, my dear readers, are the best, seriously. I've never had readers which were so supportive. I love you so much ♥
> 
> Also, this chapter is so cute. And we're nearing the climax!  
> Please, enjoy the chapter ♥

     [Name] awoke with a shudder on the next morning, finding herself wrapped in all the blankets her teacher had brought yesterday. She didn’t even remember falling asleep, he must’ve probably left to sleep in his own bed. She snuggled back into the blankets and cushions, curling up to gather some warmth. It was uncomfortably cold in here and dark as well. Was it still night? She actually didn’t mind. She had slept well but she was still very tired and could use maybe just one more hour of sleep. She didn’t even mind that she was still at Mr. Ackerman’s place. The sofa was so soft and the blankets smelled so nice, she could stay here and sleep for all eternity.

     Just when she drifted back into a comfortable slumber, Mr. Ackerman came into the living room, carrying two mugs. He moved as silently as possible, setting the mugs on the coffee table and sitting next to his student. [Name] groaned and shifted her position.

     »Are you awake?« he asked, his voice barely audible.

     [Name] nodded and took a deep breath. She mumbled, »Just a few seconds.«

     »Take your time,« he said, »you won’t go anywhere all too soon. We’re snowed in and I have no idea when we’ll get out of here. This mustn’t be how you’ve imagined spending Christmas.«

     »It’s okay,« he heard her say, still half asleep. »It’s so comfy here …«

     A small smile formed on his lips and he took one of the mugs. »I have tea for you, you might want to drink it before it gets cold.« Speaking of it, it was really cold in here. The lights just came back an hour ago or so and the heater had been out the entire night. Had she even noticed that they had cuddled nearly all night long? Hopefully not, he thought, he was her fucking teacher, after all.

     She shifted again, slowly sitting up and rubbing her tired eyes. She wrapped the blankets tightly around her body and took the offered mug with a slurred »Thank you« from his hands. It was some sort of herbal tea, it tasted rather new to her but good nonetheless.

     They just sat there and drank their tea in silence, [Name] still not fully awake and occasionally closing her eyes before re-opening them to not fall asleep while drinking her tea.

 

     »Do you want to take a shower?«

     They stood in the kitchen and did the dishes together. [Name] put the towel aside. »Oh, I don’t have any extra clothes with me. I guess I have to stay like that. Besides, my clothes are not dirty and do not smell, but thank you for asking. Oh, and merry Christmas, Mr. Ackerman.« She smiled up at him, her eyes shining with true joy.

     »Yeah, merry Christmas to you too, brat.«

     »And happy birthday.«

     He turned to face her. »Who the fuck told you?«

     »Hanji,« she giggled.

     He scoffed. »Tch, damn Shitty Glasses. I don’t give a shit about my birthday, so don’t mention it anymore. It just annoys me.« He had never once enjoyed one of his birthdays because it was awful to be born on Christmas.

     »Sorry, then, I didn’t know. But I can relate to that, actually. I personally do not look forward to my birthday.« They walked back to the living room. It was slightly warmer in here now that the heater worked. They sat down on the sofa and Mr. Ackerman just put a movie in the DVD-player. But they didn’t really pay attention to it.

     »When’s your birthday anyway?« he asked while a love scene was playing on the screen. Why did he possess such a movie in the first place? And why did he choose to watch something like that with his _student_? He really needed more sleep.

     [Name] was blushing and really happy that he chose to make conversation again. »On January 1st.«

     »Not bad,« he said, »but I guess neither Hanji nor your friends will let you sulk in your room that night, am I right?«

     She sighed dramatically. »We always meet up on New Year’s Eve to celebrate the new year – and my birthday – together. And I don’t want to disappoint them again. As long as I have the afternoon to myself and my sulking, it’s okay.« A smile graced her lips and while the couple on the screen kissed, Mr. Ackerman and [Name] kept on talking.

 

     After the movie had ended, they started cleaning the living room together. For the first time in the last twenty-four hours [Name] realized that he hadn’t decorated his house a little bit. It was a sad sight, actually. [Name] and Hanji had spent the last three days making the house as festive as possible and it had been really funny to decorate the Christmas tree. Mr. Berner had even lifted her up to place the star on top of the tree after she had nearly scored a fall while standing on a chair.

     Mr. Ackerman really didn’t like those festivities at all. Or was he just lonely? Spending Christmas all alone … But didn’t Mikasa say he should’ve visited her family or something? He was really strange, [Name] thought, absentmindedly scrubbing the windowsill, not noticing the look her teacher gave her.

 

     Levi just stood there, duster in his hand, handkerchief in his hair, watching his student cleaning his windows with one of his aprons around her body. It was quite nice having her here – he had never imagined that he could actually talk to her in a normal way without getting annoyed. She was mature, no questions asked, and her voice had something really calming.

     He had always thought that she was just like all the other brats he was teaching but now he could actually understand why Erwin was so fond of her. And yet, there was something he couldn’t overlook – behind those fragile features, those eyes which came slowly back to life and that heart-warming smile of hers lied a sad soul. He just had to recall how she talked about herself – if she really thought there were better girls than her, then she was wrong. But she wouldn’t believe him anyway. After all, he was just her stupid maths teacher.

     »It’s already lunch time,« he said, putting the duster aside, »you’ve done a good job. Let’s make something to eat, you must be hungry.«

     [Name] turned around, smiling at him and nodded. She looked happy, maybe she had been afraid of his reaction. After the cleaning in her old apartment, she knew that his standards were quite high. She put the cleaning tools back into the box they belonged into and followed him out of the living room and into the kitchen.

     »What would you like to eat?« he casually asked, taking the handkerchief off but keeping the apron on. He didn’t want to stain his clothes. »Is there something I should know? Allergies? Or do you have food you loath?«

     »I am not a fuzzy eater,« she said, »and I am not allergic to anything as far as I know. What you usually eat is fine for me.« Her phone began vibrating. »Excuse me.«

     Just when he was sure that she was talking to Marco and Jean on the phone, his own began vibrating and he groaned. Of course, people would call him today even if he had told them not to. Birthdays were a dread, really. He looked at his display, rolling his eyes. He had to answer that call.

     »Happy birthday, Levi!« a cheerful voice sang right into his ear and he held his phone away from his head. »And merry Christmas! It’s a shame that the streets are still blocked and you can’t come over to visit. I would’ve made your favourite meal!«

     »That’s really nice of you, but you didn’t have to. I thought Mikasa had already told you that I won’t come by. Besides, I am not alone today.« He rolled his eyes. His aunt could be really overexcited sometimes. He knew she only wanted to do him good but he had told her on multiple occasions that he didn’t need someone to nurse him. He was a fully-grown adult, after all.

     »What do you mean, you’re not alone?« Maybe he shouldn’t have said that. »Oh, Levi, do you have a girlfriend? Why didn’t you tell me? Oh, you have to bring her over sometime!«

     »She is not my girlfriend!«

     »Mom, she’s a classmate of me, Eren and Armin,« he heard Mikasa’s voice in the background and he was actually very thankful that she was there at the moment, »you’ve met her before, I think. I told you about that this week.«

     »Oh, right! Ah, sorry, Levi, I was just … forget it. It’s just so unusual for you to mention guests.«

     »I got it, I got it, I will visit over the holidays but I can’t tell you, when.« He leaned against the counter, watching [Name] happily chatting with her friends. »If there isn’t anything else to say, I would like to start cooking.«

     »Levi, you’re rude,« his aunt pouted, »Mikasa, wish your cousin happy birthday.«

     »Happy birthday, dumbass,« she deadpanned. »And tell [Name] merry Christmas from me.«

     »Whatever. Bye.« Levi hung up and shoved his phone into his pocket.

     [Name] saw him from the corner of her eye and said goodbye to her friends, wanting to help him cook. »So, we still don’t know what we want to eat. Anything on your mind?«

     »I am happy with something simple,« she said. »Just tell me how I can make myself useful.«

     »Are you okay with some spaghetti? We could make some tomato sauce. I still have basil left.« He took out a pot, filling it with water and setting it on the stove.

 

✿✿✿

 

     They ate in complete silence which [Name] was quite uncomfortable with. Hanji always babbled nonstop and even if it was annoying sometimes, it was nice to just listen. Mr. Ackerman didn’t seem to like conversation during meals and his caller – his aunt, after he had told her merry Christmas from Mikasa – had put him into a bad mood. After that call, he had turned off his phone, not wanting to be called on his birthday. It was really sad.

     »You don’t have to stay silent, you know?« He sighed. »Listen, it’s been a while since I had some company and I usually don’t talk that much to people your age. I don’t know what to talk about. But if you are uncomfortable, just tell me. I think I already made myself clear – I am not the devil.«

     [Name] laughed awkwardly. »It is so much easier to talk to Mr. Smith and Hanji,« she admitted, »you’re different, Levi.« The second the last word had escaped her lips, she slapped her hand over her mouth, her spoon falling onto the plate. »O-Oh my god, I am so sorry, Mr. Ackerman, I didn’t mean to-«

     »The fuck are you apologizing for?« he asked, raising an eyebrow. »It’s a holiday and we’re alone. I don’t care if you call me by my first name outside of school, [Name]. Besides, it really started to irritate me, getting called Mr. Ackerman in my own house. Just say Levi, it’s fine.«

     Her face had gone from white to red in a matter of seconds but she just nodded and continued eating. Great, now she didn’t want to speak again, that would be just awkward. There was a reason why she couldn’t call Mr. Smith by his first name even if he had offered her to do so.

     Levi watched her and sighed again. Would he ever be able to understand that girl? »So, do you actually like Christmas?«

     »Huh? Uh, well, not that much. My friends always try to place me under a mistletoe and I really don’t want my first kiss to be like that. Do you know how many attempts I have escaped on the last day of school before the holidays?«

     »I will never understand why you girls always make such a fuss over the first kiss.«

     »Because it’s important! At least to me. I want to treasure such a moment. I know, it’s cliché, but I really want my first kiss to be with someone I love and trust. And I want it to be special.« She seemed dreamy and shy all of a sudden, telling him about her secret wishes. She really was just a girl but somehow, her childlike idea of her first kiss was quite cute. But she was an artist, after all. Maybe she had painted that very moment and waited for the perfect opportunity to make that dream reality.

    

     They kept on talking about Christmas, and at some time, Levi started asking about the present she got Hanji because he was actually really curious about that for some reason.

     »I made her a picture,« she said, smiling at him, »you remember those brushes? I only use them for special occasions. And after I moved in with Hanji, I started working on a picture just for her. I have found an old photograph, showing her and my mother at their graduation. Sadly, the photograph wasn’t in a good condition anymore, so I repainted it. But don’t tell her, you know how nosy she can get if she gets impatient.«

     »That’s really nice of you, [Name]. I am sure she will like it.«

     »I hope she will. She is one of the most important people in my life and I wanted to say thank you somehow.« They stood by the kitchen sink, doing the dishes. »I also have presents for you and Mr. Smith, I hope you will like them, too.«

     He let the plate sink back down and stared at her with wide eyes. »You got _me_ a present?«

     She grinned up at him. »If you’re worrying that I spent too much money, don’t think about it. I like to make people happy. And I thought that it would be nice because it is your birthday, too.«

     »[Name], you didn’t have to do that. I-I don’t have anything for you, that’s-«

     She laughed. »I know, I shouldn’t say this, but your expression right now is really cute. And I don’t want anything back, I do this because I like to see people smile and because I want to. But I forgot the present at home, I have to give it to you the following days, I hope that’s okay.«

     He could just stand there and stare at her with big eyes and his mouth hanging open. Not even Hanji got him presents anymore because he just threw them away. But one of his students was standing here now, telling him that she bought something for him just to see him _smile_? God, he really didn’t understand that girl at all.

     »You’re unbelievable, [Name],« he muttered, shaking his head in disbelief. »You’re making me actually feel guilty. Has someone ever told you that you are way too kind?«

     »I’ve been told so a lot. But that’s just who I am.«

 

✿✿✿

 

     After [Name] was picked up by Hanji later that afternoon, Levi returned to his living room and sat on the sofa. And for the first time in a few years, he felt really, really lonely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, leave a Kudos or a comment if you like it ♥
> 
> I am so happy with the progress this story is making and I am kinda sad to make you wait for so long but I really don't have the time to upload more often than once a week qwq
> 
> The next chapter is one of my favourites and it is already in progress! :)


	15. Thanks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, another chapter! ^-^  
> The song from the beginning is »New Year's Day« by Bon Jovi.
> 
> This chapter was so nice to write, no drama, no tears, just fluffy moments with Reader-chan's friends. And the next chapter will be super fluffy, too, ha, I love it ♥
> 
> Please, enjoy yourself :)

_The midnight bells are ringing_

_A ship is setting sail_

_A newborn baby's crying_

_As lovers say farewell_

_I'm singing hallelujah_

_Amen, the angels say_

_Let's hope tomorrow finds us_

_It's New Year’s Day_

_»Make it a habit to tell people thank you. To express your appreciation, sincerely and without the expectation of anything in return. Truly appreciate those around you, and you'll soon find many others around you. Truly appreciate life, and you'll find that you have more of it.« The American football player Ralph Marston._

 

 

     [Name] stood in front of the mirror, applying some mascara she had borrowed from Historia. She was not used to wearing make-up at all but she felt like prettying herself up a bit for tonight’s events. At least her face. It was cold outside and she didn’t want to freeze to death so she just wore one of her sweaters and a pair of dark jeans. The sweater had actually been a Christmas present from Armin and she really liked the colour of it – had she ever told him that it was her favourite? Ymir had groaned when she saw the sweater, saying that Armin just helped [Name] hiding her body. Armin immediately started defending her, saying that she could wear whatever she wanted and if she didn’t like the sweater she could just give it to someone else or something.

     They had all met each other at Bertolt’s birthday party the day before and exchanged their Christmas gifts there – with Bertolt receiving the most of them, of course. Reiner had made his best friend’s birthday into a really special evening, inviting them all to his parent’s restaurant and no one had to pay a single penny. Reiner’s father was a really good cook and he even served them by himself because they were actually closed over the holidays.

     Bertolt was delighted – not just because his friend didn’t pull any weird things – and said that it was the best birthday he’d ever had.

 

     Today, on New Year’s Eve, the group of friends would meet at a beautiful pavilion where they could watch the fireworks without being trampled to death by hundreds of people. And they would also start celebrating [Name]’s birthday but not staying out for too long. [Name] had to promise that she would be home before three o’clock in the morning because Mr. Smith wanted to take her and Hanji out for lunch on her birthday. [Name] was completely fine with it and so were Jean and Marco who were taking her home afterwards. The group agreed to go bowling in the afternoon, giving [Name] her gifts there.

     [Name] was done with putting make-up on and left the bathroom. She already heard the cheerful voice of Hanji who had invited her friends over to celebrate the new year with them. [Name] gathered her things and went downstairs, Hanji laughing excitedly while Mr. Berner just stared at her in awe. [Name] smiled slightly.

     »Oh, [Nickname], you look really pretty tonight!« Hanji said when she saw her coming down the stairs. »Don’t forget to get a new year’s kiss!«

     She rolled her eyes. »We talked about that, Hanji. I don’t want to just to have it done. Please make sure not to drink too much, know your limit.«

     Hanji pouted. »You’re no fun at all, honey.« She threw herself between Mr. Zacharias and Mr. Smith on the sofa. Mr. Ackerman sat in an armchair but next to him sat someone [Name] had never seen. The woman – or was it a man? She couldn’t tell – noticed her curious look and stood up to introduce themselves. »I am Nanaba, nice to meet you, [Name]. Hanji told me a lot about you.«

     »Nice to meet you, too,« [Name] said politely. »Unfortunately, Hanji didn’t tell me about you beforehand.«

     Nanaba laughed. »I figured, but that’s okay. I run a flower shop here in the city.«

     »Who is taking you?« Mr. Zacharias asked, sipping on a glass of vine. He looked at the clock – it was past eleven already. »And we can’t promise you to keep Hanji away from the alcohol.«

     The girl sighed. »Oh, I knew it … Jean is taking me and he will bring me home afterwards as well. And I will not drink, not smoke, I won’t lose my virginity tonight and I will be home before three.« She smiled at Hanji who just groaned. Mr. Smith raised one of his – fabulous – eyebrows.

     »You’re quoting me wrong!« she whined. »I said you should do whatever the hell you want!«

     »Well, that’s what I want,« [Name] shrugged. The others laughed a bit, even Mr. Ackerman was smirking. Then, the doorbell rang.

     »That’s my carriage for tonight, bye!«

     »Take care!«

 

✿✿✿

 

     They arrived at the car park at quarter to twelve. It was a short way to their destination but the cold and the snow made it a bit difficult to reach it. It was very silent while they went uphill and [Name] admired the landscape – it would be absolutely beautiful to take a picture right now so she could paint that winter episode later. But that had to be done on another night. There were already a lot of footprints in the snow, indicating that they might be the last to arrive at the pavilion. They heard voices from the distance and shortly after, they could see the pagoda roof of the pavilion. It had a moderate size, fitting the group of friends just fine without them being cramped together.

     When they finally arrived, Sasha was already munching on the food she and Connie brought and Ymir was smooching Historia nonstop. Reiner had promised to bring some non-alcoholic drinks and – true to his words – he handed [Name], Marco and Jean a small bottle of soda, each.

     Annie was standing at the railing with Mikasa, both with a deadpanned expression on their faces. Annie seemed to still be pissed at Reiner because he wanted to force her under a mistletoe with Bertolt. She was well aware of his crush but seemed not to be interested – but [Name] couldn’t tell for sure, because Annie was a hard one to read.

 

     »Alright!« shouted Sasha and everyone dragged their attention to the girl who had draped one of her arms over Connie’s shoulder. »You all ready to end the year with a bang?«

     »And I hope with some smooching as well!« grinned Connie in Sasha’s direction but she didn’t even hear what he said. He had been kissing her whenever she wasn’t busy with eating the last ten minutes.

     [Name] had actually made it official that there was more going on between Sasha and Connie, after Mr. Ackerman had told her that he had seen them kissing in the library. [Name] found it very amusing that Sasha turned into a tomato on the spot and Connie just stood there dumbfounded. That’s what she had got for teasing her.

     »So, come here girls, we can’t do this without you!« Reiner turned around to where Annie and Mikasa were standing, gesturing them to come closer. They had kind of a ritual for New Years’ Eve. They always gathered together, said what they were thankful for, what had bothered them, or what they would wish for the next year.

     »Armin begins,« Eren said and grinned at his best friend after they had all squeezed into a tight circle to keep themselves warm.

     »Ah, well,« he began, thinking, »I think it was a hard year for all of us. For a few more than for others.« His gaze landed on [Name] and his heart picked up its speed for a moment. For a second, he thought about telling her right here and now – but if she would reject him, then he could never look one of his friends in the eye again. »But I think we all made the best out of the situation. I am glad for the experiences I made and for the goals I achieved. And I wish for the new year to be nicer to those who deserve it.« He exhaled. »Okay, Eren, go on.«

 

     While all the others made their little speeches, the time was ticking by and [Name] was thinking about what she would say. There were a lot of things which came to her mind. It had been an eventful year, that much was true, and she had been through a lot. But right now, she was just thankful for all the good memories she could make. Her friends were still by her side even if she had feared that they would push her away after she had done the same for months, she was thankful to have Mr. Smith and Hanji in her life – because those two had become like a second family to her. But there was someone whose picture she couldn’t get out of her head. But before she could think about it for too long, Mikasa picked her to speak.

     A melancholic smile grazed [Name]’s lips as she spoke, »I wanted to thank you for everything you did for me over the past year. I know it wasn’t easy to put up with me after everything that happened. I’ve been acting really stupid and I wanted to apologize. I felt lost for a really long time but I finally feel as if it will be alright. And that’s all thanks to you. Thank you for never letting me down and for staying by my side. I love you all so much.«

     »We love you, too,« said Marco who was standing next to her. »And we are all happy to know that you are getting better. We missed that beautiful smile, [Name].«

     [Name] was on the verge of tears; tears of joy.

 

     »Guys, get ready!« Sasha cheered and started the countdown with ten. The group of friends parted from their circle and everyone looked for a good spot to see the sky.

 

_Ten._

 

     Ymir hugged Historia close and was hugged back and [Name] smiled at them. She had always been good friends with Historia since they had lived in the same neighbourhood and she had been really happy after the blonde had told her that Ymir asked her out on a date. They were standing close to the railing, the soft moonlight lighting up their features in the dark.

 

_Nine._

 

     Sasha and Connie stood next to them, exchanging sweet kisses and Sasha couldn’t have looked happier in that moment. The grin on her face was a bit stupid but Connie would never mind. [Name] had actually hoped that they would get together even before Mr. Ackerman had told her about what happened in the library. But she was happy for Sasha – the way Connie looked at her was so lovely, [Name] felt her heart melt a bit.

 

_Eight._

 

     Reiner stood there next to Bertolt, arms folded over his muscular chest and staring up at the sky, waiting for the big bang to finally happen. No matter what others would say, Reiner was a very good friend and [Name] was happy to have him in her life. He would always lighten up her mood with a dumb joke and even if he was a big flirt, he meant no harm.

     Bertolt seemed a bit lost, occasionally glancing back at Annie. [Name] felt sad for him, maybe he had hoped to get closer to his crush tonight. Bertolt was always sweet and kind, a bit shy if you didn’t know him too well, but always helping someone out if they were stressed.

 

_Seven._

 

     Annie had her arms crossed as well, standing alone, leaning against the railing and facing away from the sky. [Name] was actually surprised that she always stuck along with them, she didn’t even like events like these. But [Name] had given up on trying to read Annie, she was mysterious and kept a lot to herself. But they liked each other enough to trust one another and that was the most important thing in [Name]’s opinion.

 

_Six._

 

     Jean had his arm around Marco’s waist, leaning his head on his shoulder since he was just a little bit smaller than his boyfriend and whispering how much he loved him. [Name] stood just close enough to hear him and she smiled at his sweetness. Jean could be a jerk sometimes but he was one of the best friends [Name] could’ve wished for.

     Marco’s arm was around Jean’s waist, too and chuckled at the sweet words his boyfriend said. They would be together two years soon and [Name] smiled at the thought. She remembered how she met both of them in Middle School and being friends with them ever since. She was so grateful for them to be a part of her life, she wouldn’t know what to do without them.

 

_Five._

 

     Mikasa stood next to Eren, her red scarf wrapped around her neck and she buried her nose in it, trying to cover her face from the cold. It was no secret that she loved the scarf and wore it the whole year, even in summer. It had been a gift from Eren and some of her friends always made fun of her crush because Eren didn’t notice the slightest.

     After her first ever panic attack, [Name] and Mikasa had gotten closer to each other. [Name] had made it pretty clear that Eren was just a friend and Mikasa was fine with that.

 

_Four._

 

     Eren, on the other hand, was eagerly waiting for the spectacle that would lighten up the sky at midnight. The moonlight lit up his face and his emerald green eyes shone brighter than ever before. If anyone would’ve told [Name] that she would actually be friends with Eren one day, she would’ve laughed. Mikasa’s piercing stare had always prevented her from interacting with Eren too much but now, they got along really well.

 

_Three._

 

     [Name] stood alone next to Marco and Jean staring intently at the sky. Its colour was beautiful and there was no cloud to be seen, just the moon and billions of stars. She had always been fascinated by the night sky and she didn’t even know why. Though she knew that stars were just dead planets whose lights took so long to travel to the earth, they had something utterly romantic and mystic to them. She should paint something like that, she thought, a picture with fireworks wouldn’t be that bad, either.

 

_Two._

 

     »Hey,« a soft voice said to her left and she turned her head to see Armin approaching her, his cheeks and nose tinted pink. He stopped right in front of her and smiled. »Your speech was really touching, [Name].« He took a deep breath and pulled her closer to him by her waist, happy that she nuzzled into the hug.

 

_One._

 

     »Happy New Year,« he whispered, as the first sparkles were seen and everyone around them cheered. »And happy birthday.«

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stop reading the manga, my heart just died and it can't be revived, this series is killing me.  
> But I have this story where everyone will be happy in the end and damn, I am gonna enjoy it until hell freezes over.
> 
> Please leave a Kudos or a comment if you liked the chapter! ♥
> 
> I will go and cry over my homework now, the next chapter will be up next week :3


	16. Celebrate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't explain anymore how grateful I am. It was one of the best decisions in my life to write and upload this story. You are the best community a site like archive of our own could wish for. Since my first language is German, my main projects are published on a different site but I am seriously thinking about translating them and to upload them here. I've never recieved so much feedback, you should feel so proud, guys ♥
> 
> Enjoy the chapter!

     There was still light inside the house when Jean and Marco dropped her off. She bid them goodnight and they waited until she was safe inside. The moment she closed the door behind her, she heard some babbling from the living room. Was it possible that her teachers were still there?

     She made her way to the source of the noise and the first thing she saw was Hanji lying on the carpet, her face red and babbling something she couldn’t understand. Mr. Berner looked like he was about to just pick her up from the ground to bring her upstairs while the others didn’t seem too bothered about her state.

     »Seriously,« [Name] sighed, »I told you not to drink too much.«

     »Oh, [Name],« Mr. Smith said, smiling, »we didn’t expect you to come back until two or three. It is still only one o’clock in the morning.«

     »Marco’s mother called and ordered him to come home, so I asked Jean to drop me off as well. I am pretty tired and it is cold outside.«

     Mr. Smith stood up and approached her, pulling her into a loving embrace. »Happy birthday, [Name].« He led her to the armchair he had been sitting in and made her sit there while he sat next to Mike on the sofa. »We actually waited for you to come home since Hanji got drunk pretty fast. We’re really sorry for that but it happened faster than we could think.«

     »’ppy b’rthday,« Hanji slurred and hiccupped, still lying face down on the carpet. [Name] giggled. Mr. Zacharias and Nanaba congratulated her with a handshake and Mr. Berner offered her a hug, too. Mr. Ackerman said nothing but [Name] didn’t mind that. After all, she had told him that she didn’t really want to celebrate or anything.

     They chatted a bit before Hanji started to show signs of throwing up and Mr. Berner escorted her to the bathroom. After [Name] was sure that they couldn’t be heard anymore, she sighed.

     »Am I really the only one that has noticed?« she asked. »It is ridiculously hard to get Hanji to notice. And I am sure she doesn’t even do this on purpose.«

     »You’re clearly not the only one who noticed, [Name],« said Mr. Zacharias, taking another sip from his glass. »We’ve known Hanji for over a decade now and she always acts the same. It is pretty hard to read her, you know?«

     »I just want her to be happy.« [Name] sighed heavily and leaned back in the armchair. »You adults are so complicated sometimes.«

     Erwin and Mike started laughing. »You’re an adult too now. Besides, how does it feel to be eighteen?« Nanaba leaned forward, their arms resting on their knees.

     The girl chuckled. »I am tired but I don’t feel any different. I have to make experiences by myself. It would be rather weird to get all the knowledge you need by turning eighteen. No one would make any mistakes but mistakes are there to learn.« She yawned. »Sorry, I always talk like that when I am feeling sleepy. Or I draw something.«

     »My lessons must be really boring, then.« Erwin set his – now empty – glass on the coffee table and smiled. »But I would prefer to be able to find little doodles on your worksheets than not.«

     [Name] blushed. »Uh, sorry …«

     »The only thing you need to know,« said Mr. Ackerman, reminding [Name] that he was still there, »is not to get drunk like Shitty Glasses. Believe me, the consequences are not worth it.«

     »Don’t worry, I didn’t intend to drink alcohol. It smells quite nasty, to be honest.«

     »I wouldn’t say that for every kind but you don’t have to, if you don’t want to. Just don’t let yourself pressure into something, okay?«

     »Don’t worry, Mr. Zacharias, my friends are reasonable enough not to do anything stupid and they would never pressure me if I said no. I can rely on my friends.« Her eyes grew tired suddenly, but she tried to keep them open. »Besides, none of them are eighteen yet apart from Bertolt and me. Which reminds me, my friends want to go bowling tonight, but I really suck at that.«

     »It’s all about the fun,« Nanaba said and chuckled slightly.

     »You don’t know my friends,« [Name] murmured. »The last time we went bowling, I slipped and fell onto the bowling alley face first. And I didn’t even score! It was so embarrassing. Reiner keeps making fun of me because of that up to this day.«

     Nanaba laughed. »Your friends must love you a lot.«

 

     Moblit chose that moment to come back to the living room. He had been away for what felt like hours and [Name] had even forgotten he was still there. He looked pretty exhausted and grabbed his jacket. »Hanji’s asleep now,« he said, sighing, »I put a bucket next to her bed in case she’ll throw up during the night. I will take my leave now, I am done.«

     He went over to [Name] and hugged her briefly. »I wish you a happy birthday, [Name].«

     After Moblit had left, the remaining group settled in for a bit of small talk while [Name] dozed off a couple of times until Erwin addressed her directly. »[Name],« he said, making the girl flinch in her seat, »I still want to take you out for lunch today as a birthday present.«

     »That’s really nice of you, but I think I’ll stay home with Hanji. She will have a major hangover when she wakes up, I can’t leave her alone. She will die, probably.«

     Mike snorted. »Don’t worry about that, [Name]. To be honest, I don’t really feel comfortable with that – Hanji can be really _horrible_ when she has a hangover. You should spend your birthday with people who are sober enough to acknowledge your presence. Don’t worry about Hanji, Nanaba and I will look after her. Just enjoy your birthday and let Erwin treat you to some fancy restaurant.«

     »Uhm, you’re making me feel uncomfortable, Mr. Zacharias,« [Name] mumbled and blushed.

     Nanaba slapped Mike on the arm. »Watch your language, Mike. What he meant to say, [Name], was that he won’t mind me and him putting up with Hanji’s terrible mood swings because he cares about you and wants you to have a nice day.«

     »Oh. My bad. Uhm, thank you, I guess.«

     »Hey, Levi,« Erwin said, »why don’t you keep us company at lunch? I heard that the two of you get along quite well now.« He glanced at [Name] whose cheeks burned crimson red. »But only if you’re comfortable with it, of course.«

     »Well, I don’t really mind, to be honest. Food tastes better if more people are eating. Or something like that …«

     Erwin stood up. »It’s getting late. I’ll excuse myself for the night.« He picked up his things and walked towards the doorway. »I will pick you up at twelve, okay? Wear something you’re comfortable with, [Name]. Have a good night.«

 

✿✿✿

 

     Mike and Nanaba left as well and [Name] remained with Levi who refused to leave until the place was spotless. [Name] was way too tired to put up a discussion with her teacher so she just let him, helping him clean up the living room and while he cleaned the furniture, she did the dishes in the kitchen.

     »I’m done.« He came into the kitchen and removed the handkerchief from his hair. She still found it amusing that he only cleaned in that attire. »Seems like you’re finished as well. Now that this place isn’t a mess anymore, I can leave.«

     »W-Wait!« Something important suddenly flickered through her mind and she grabbed his sleeve to stop him from leaving. »There’s still something I want to give to you!«

     Levi blinked a few times but before he could ask something, she had already hurried upstairs, probably to her room. He shook his head and sat down, waiting for her to come back. She wore some make-up today, he had noted, the mascara made her eyes look livelier. Wait, why did he think about that? Was it that obvious that she was getting better day by day or did he just spend too much time worrying about her?

     When she came back, she held a long, thin packet in her hand. She stopped and held the packet out to him. »It’s a little bit late but merry Christmas. And happy birthday,« she hesitated a bit, »Levi.«

     He took the packet with a »Thank you« and looked at it. It was nicely wrapped in silver and blue and he was careful to open it. She knelt down in front of him, excitement written all over her face. When he opened the lid, his eyes widened in surprise. [Name] had bought him a necktie. It was a silky, dark-grey necktie.

     »Do you like it?« she asked, when he didn’t say anything and just kept staring at it. »I wasn’t too sure about the colour so I just picked one that would match with your eyes.«

     For the first time in his entire life, he was lost for words. »[Name], thank you,« he finally managed to say, »but, this must’ve been really expensive. You shouldn’t have-«

     »It’s a gift,« she interrupted him, still smiling, »don’t worry about how much money I’ve spent on it. I am just glad that you like it, I was really insecure.«

     Levi didn’t even think twice about his further actions; he set the gift aside and pulled [Name] to his chest for a brief hug. »I really like it,« he said.

     She just smiled and tried to hide her horrible blush. »W-Well, it’s getting really late and-«

     »Oh shit, I forgot I was still at Hanji’s,« he said, realizing how late it had got. »Good night then, [Name], I’ll see you later, I guess.« And with that, he left.

 

✿✿✿

 

     Mike and Nanaba came around eleven o’clock, Hanji still fast asleep. [Name] had skipped breakfast because she overslept and showered while her teacher and his partner made some food for Hanji when she would wake up. After [Name] had dried her hair, she went to her room and sat on her bed. Historia had given her her birthday present the night before, saying it would come in handy if she would go out eating with Mr. Smith. [Name] opened the present, slightly surprised to find a dress in it.

     Historia and [Name] shared roughly the same clothing size but it wasn’t a dress Historia would wear. It had long sleeves and a rather high neckline. It fit perfectly and [Name] looked at herself in the mirror – the dress was really beautiful in its simplicity. She put on a pair of tights and some mascara before she went downstairs.

     »Does this look good?« she asked hesitantly after entering the kitchen. It wouldn’t be that weird if her teacher wasn’t in the room. »I-I know that dresses don’t suit me very well but-«

     »You look absolutely stunning, [Name],« said Nanaba and smiled. They handed her a glass of water which [Name] took gladly and gulped it down. »And I think that dresses do suit you.« Mike said nothing, only nodding upon seeing his student in that attire – she was really cute, to be honest. And Nanaba didn’t lie, that’s why he loved them so much.

     [Name] sat down. »My shoes will ruin my entire appearance but I only have one pair of converse. Ah well, I don’t care,« she said aloud but more to herself. No one would pay attention to her shoes if she would be sitting the whole time.

     »Erwin’s here,« Mike said and pointed out of the window. »Do you have your keys, [Name]?«

     She nodded. »I’ll be going then. Thank you for everything, especially for taking care of Hanji. I will be back in the afternoon. Oh, and there’s some noodle salad left in the fridge if you’re hungry.«

     »Have a nice day, [Name].«

 

     »You look really pretty today, [Name].«

     »Uhm, thank you, Mr. Smith.«

     He chuckled and pulled into the street. »It’s fine if you just call me by my first name outside of school. I think, we already passed the point where it’s okay to do so. Besides, you shouldn’t think you’re eating with your teachers today. You are more like a daughter to me.«

     She smiled and exhaled. »Alright … Erwin. Thank you for everything. I really appreciate that.«

     »You don’t need to thank me. I like you a lot, [Name] and I want you to be happy. See this invitation as a birthday present. I would’ve made something by myself but I figured that you’re a much better cook than me, that way I don’t have to be ashamed.«

     »You’re cooking tastes great.« [Name] raised an eyebrow. Erwin had cooked for her a couple of times and she was surprised how good it was. »But, uhm, I don’t want to ruin the mood, but what if someone sees us? Wouldn't they think that-«

     »We’re not dating, [Name],« Erwin said softly, »and Levi will be with us, too. It is not prohibited to invite your students to lunch. And if you’re afraid of rumours, I’ve heard that you have really awesome friends.«

     [Name] blushed. Her friends were the most amazing ones in the world, that was true. After she had collapsed in November, there were a lot of rumours going around, saying that she was pregnant with a teacher’s child. Reiner and Annie had beaten a few of the people who believed that up and didn’t even say a word when they got a month’s worth of detention.

 

     When they arrived at the restaurant, Levi was already there, waiting for them. It was a rather fancy restaurant and a wave of guilt threatened [Name]; she’d never been to a restaurant this expensive but Erwin and Levi assured her that she didn’t need to think about any of the costs.

     Levi helped her out of her jacket, now noticing that she wore a dress instead of her usual sweaters, although Erwin had told her to wear something she was comfortable with. She was beautiful.

     »You’re wearing the tie,« she said delighted, after he had taken off his own jacket. »It suits you.«

     He wanted to tell her that she looked beautiful – but that would be so weird and _wrong_. What the hell was going on in his head? »The dress suits you as well,« he answered instead and he watched as a slight blush crept on her cheeks.

     The food was delicious. [Name] couldn’t remember when she had eaten something this good. After the first few minutes of awkwardness, she felt more comfortable with the situation and she had to hold back a laugh when she thought that they probably looked like a gay married couple with their daughter. Whereby, Levi looked so much younger than he was – according to Hanji, he had just turned twenty-six in December.

     They talked about a lot of things and [Name] couldn’t even remember all of them after they had eaten their desserts. [Name] felt uncomfortable, offering to at least pay for her own food but both, Erwin and Levi, refused, saying a gentleman would treat a lady to lunch on her birthday.

 

     But throughout the entire time, [Name] had found herself looking at Levi more than just a few times. And every time she had felt her heart pick its speed up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so excited because we're nearing the climax of the story and I bet you'll love what I have planned for the next chapters, at least I hope so!
> 
> Please, leave a Kudos or a comment if you like it :)
> 
> Thank you for your support and have a nice week ♥


	17. Future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's been something on my mind since last week and I wanted to share that with you: One of you has noticed that there is a concrete theme throughout all my stories and yes, I did struggle with self-harm and depression a few years ago. I am open about my past and ashamed of what I did to my body. I permanently damaged my body - not in a way that has an affect on my daily life but still, I have to live with what I have done to myself and every time I see those scars that will never completely fade, I am sorry that I hurt myself like that.
> 
> To cope with what I've been through, I started to work that theme into my stories. It makes me feel better to write about it and to tell people how awful it was to get through that and how awful you feel when you can finally stop. I know it's hard, I really do. And even if I still have a lot of bad days, it gets better, I promise.
> 
> Everyone should consider themselves lucky to be alive. Life can be wonderful and I think that every living creature needs to know that they are beautiful in their very own ways. That's all I wanted to say ♥
> 
> Please, enjoy the chapter ♥

     [Name] spent the last week of holidays with working and seeing her friends. She’d even worked out a plan to hook up Hanji and Mr. Berner together with Jean and Marco who were head over heels for that idea. So, they all started the last months of school on a cold day in January, [Name] sitting in the class with her jacket wrapped tightly around her shivering body. She could understand why the caretaker had turned off the heater over the holidays but he could’ve turned it back on over the weekend so the students wouldn’t freeze their asses off while trying to concentrate.

     Even Mr. Smith was seen shivering while he wrote something on the blackboard. At the end of the lesson, he announced something. »Please don’t forget the career counselling later. All your teachers are informed but I try to get over with it during the next period. Come to my classroom one after another and we’ll discuss your wishes for the future.« The bell rang. »That’s it, I will see you later.«

     »I had totally forgotten that it was today,« Jean groaned and packed his things to head to Mr. Zacharias’ literature class. »At least I know where I want to see myself in ten years. What about you, love?« He looked at Marco.

     »I still don’t know,« he sighed. »Maybe Mr. Smith will be able to help me a bit.«

     [Name] knew that Marco had been unsure about what he wanted to do after graduation. He was a good student, very intelligent and also kind, [Name] had always imagined him working with kids. He had a younger brother and was loved by every child in the neighbourhood. But he was good with animals, too and his mother actually wanted him to be a veterinarian.

     Jean wanted to get into art school alongside [Name] and everybody knew how awesome his pictures were. While [Name]’s specialty were landscapes and backgrounds, Jean was really good at drawing people. They both had a very similar style, with [Name] using more darker colours lately and Jean developing the habit to draw Marco at every opportunity.

 

     »Do you already know what you want to do?« [Name] looked at Sasha who was currently stuffing her mouth with what looked like some marshmallows. She giggled a bit – it was painfully obvious that Sasha was on her period. »And don’t drop the marshmallows.«

     »I have no idea,« she answered in between bites. »I just wanna graduate somehow. Ackerman gives me a really hard time, to be honest.«

     They left the classroom, only to hear Mr. Smith calling Sasha’s name. She groaned. »Why do I have to be the first one? I don’t want to! And I am hungry and frustrated and in _pain_!«

     »Huh, pain?« Connie blinked and stared at his girlfriend in confusion. »Where? Who hurt you?«

     [Name] chuckled. Connie could be so innocent and stupid sometimes. »Good luck!« And with that, she hurried after her classmates not to be late for Mr. Zacharias’ class.

 

✿✿✿

 

     [Name] was one of the last to be called to Mr. Smith’s classroom. He greeted her with a warm smile and made her sit down in front of him. There were more documents on his desk than usual and a lot of brochures from different universities. He seemed to be tired and a bit stressed.

     »Are you alright, Mr. Smith?« she asked cautiously. Usually, he would be the one being concerned about her well-being, but she actually worried about him.

     »Thank you for asking, [Name], you’re a kind girl. My weekend was just a bit stressful and I didn’t get a lot of sleep because of today, but you don’t have to worry about me, I promise.« He gave her another smile, this time to reassure her that he was fine. She nodded. »So, I think I already mentioned it, but Petra told me about your wishes for the future.«

     »I really want to try out for art school but they are really expensive.«

     »Yes, the situation isn’t that great but you have more than enough possibilities. Look,« he gave her about five brochures, »those are the schools Petra and I picked. They are near and all of them offer full scholarships for a few students.«

     [Name] flicked through the pages briefly. »All of these are renowned art schools … Oh, Mr. Smith, I won’t have a chance to get accepted let alone get a scholar ship!« She sighed heavily and slumped back into her chair. »I am not good enough. Well, there goes my dream …«

     »[Name],« her teacher said sternly, making his student look up at him, »don’t say things like that, your pictures are amazing. Look, you will never know if you never try. We are all there for you. And you can even try again next year if it doesn’t work right now.«

     »I get actually really anxious when I think about that,« she mumbled and a shiver ran down her spine. She didn’t know why she was always feeling sick when thinking about the future.

     »You don’t have to be, [Name], as I said, you have plenty of possibilities.« He looked at her for a moment. »Do you have a plan B?«

     She sighed. »Well, I don’t know. I was actually talking to Hanji about that and she mentioned a local university with a science major. But I don’t think science would be the right choice for me.«

     »Have you thought about literature? The essays you’ve written for my class were pretty good.«

     »I did, to be honest. I like literature and with that as my major, I could still apply for a lot of jobs.«

     Erwin looked for another brochure but couldn’t find it. »You can talk to Mike about that topic, he will be delighted. But,« he looked stern again, »I want you to try out for art school, [Name]. You’ll regret it your whole life if you don’t.«

     »I will, I promise.«

     »Good. Now, look, the deadlines are all at the beginning of March. You have to apply online for a scholarship and the other conditions are different from school to school. You can find all the information you need in the brochures and on the schools’ websites. I would advise you to talk to Petra about that, she will know a lot more than me.«

     »Thank you very much, Mr. Smith.« She stood up. »And please, take care of yourself.«

     »I will. And send Armin here, please.«

 

     When [Name] returned to the classroom, the bell rang. She packed her things and stopped by Mr. Zacharias’ desk to ask him for information about local universities with a literature major. She could see the proud sparkle in his eyes while he told her that most universities had a literature department and that they were quite easy to afford but still had very good education. He also gave her a brochure and she thanked him, having to hurry for art class afterwards.

     Jean was already sitting in his usual seat and [Name] took her place next to him, tying her apron around her waist. She had already finished her Mnemosyne and waited for Petra to turn on the music so she could have a word with her teacher in private.

     »Jean, your picture-,« her eyes went wide when she saw the nearly finished result on her friend’s canvas. »Oh my god.«

     Jean grinned upon seeing her facial expression. »As I promised, Marco is in my picture.«

     It wasn’t Marco that had grabbed her attention – and Jean damn well knew that. The image showed Jean and Marco, both of them were smiling – and they embraced [Name], smiling as well and Jean had caught her features so perfectly, it could’ve been a photograph. »You like it?«

     »It is beautiful,« she whispered, completely lost in that picture, »but why?«

     »Because you were the one to bring us together, silly!« Jean’s expression softened. »You’re important for me and so is Marco. We were supposed to draw something that makes us happy, right? Well, you do. And I am grateful for being your friend.«

     »Idiot, now you’ve made me cry,« she sobbed and wiped away the tears. »I love you.«

     »I love you, too.«

 

     The music started to play and [Name]’s classmates continued to work on their pictures while she approached her teacher to ask about the art schools. Petra excused them for a moment and they went outside the classroom to not disturb the others.

     »Give all of them a try, [Name],« Petra said after her student had showed her the brochures. »There are five of them and I am sure that at least one of them will accept you with a scholarship. But to apply for a regular university with a literature major would be good as well, just to be safe, of course.«

     »Mrs. Bozard, I really don’t think that my pictures are good enough.«

     Petra put a hand on her student’s shoulder. »Listen, I know that you are afraid and self-conscious about your work. But my honest opinion as your teacher is that your works are really beautiful. [Name], I’ve been teaching for a bit now and I rarely met any student who was as talented as you.«

     »But-«

     »Listen, I’ve never been as gifted as you or Jean. I tried really hard to get into art school but I was rejected every single time. I gave up at one point and decided to become a teacher. But I don’t want you to throw your potential away like that. Maybe, if I had tried harder, I would’ve made it. Have a little faith in yourself, [Name]. Let’s go back inside, shall we? Since you’ve already finished your Mnemosyne, I allow you to do whatever you like.«

 

✿✿✿

 

     [Name] went home that day, not really feeling relieved after talking to three of her teachers about her plans for the future. It was one of her biggest fears and she felt uncomfortable. Hanji would want her to try out for art school as well because she knew how important it was for her. And [Name] knew that she would be proud of her no matter what would happen.

     While walking home, she thought about her possibilities; her GPA was really good and most of the schools set their standards lower than that – so, that wouldn’t be really a problem. One of them demanded an essay and because literature was her best subject after art, that wouldn’t really be a problem, too. Her financial situation was also a criterion; she was a semi-orphan, she didn’t know her biological father and Hanji hadn’t adopted her but that would make her chances even higher. But the thing that really freaked her out was the demand to create an original, visual composition. She had to submit a picture to every school she wanted to get into. Five pictures in less than two months? That was impossible. She did have some pictures at home but were they even good enough?

     Sighing, she entered the house. »I am back,« she said and hung up her jacket. »Hanji?«

     After not receiving an answer, she put her bag down and went to the kitchen. It was kind of surprising to find Hanji standing by the window and looking outside, seemingly lost in thoughts. »Hanji?« she asked again, more quiet not to scare her.

     Hanji seemed to snap out of it and turned around. »Oh! I didn’t even hear you coming!« she said and laughed a bit awkwardly. »What do you want to eat? I went shopping while you were at school. How was the career counselling?«

     [Name] took out some vegetables from the fridge and began chopping them. »It was okay, I think. But let’s talk about that later. What were you doing by the window all alone?«

     Hanji sat down and sighed. »I was just thinking, dear, nothing too important, though.«

     »Tell me if there’s something bothering you, Hanji. It’s not good to keep those things to yourself for too long and I can see that you’re feeling unwell.« [Name] turned around and looked at Hanji with a loving smile. »I am a good listener.«

     »Oh, honey, you’re too kind. But – actually – there is something bothering me. And it’s been bothering me for a while now.« Hanji leaned back in her chair, her expression quite sad. »You know, after new year, I began thinking while Mike and Nanaba have been taking care of me. Those two have been together for ten years now and still love each other so deeply, I am jealous.«

     »Mr. Zacharias and Nanaba are a couple?« [Name] raised an eyebrow. She must’ve been really tired if she didn’t notice that. »And ten years are a really long time.«

     »I know, right? Nanaba is the same age as me and Mike is thirty-two. And they celebrate their ten years anniversary this August. And while I watched them on New Year’s Day, I – well – I felt lonely.«

     »Why didn’t you tell me before?« [Name] abandoned the cooking for the moment and sat down next to Hanji. »I would have-«

     »Not in that way, dear,« she interrupted her, »it’s been a while since I’ve had a date or something like that. My last relationship was with Shorty! But I think I wasn’t ready for a serious relationship at that time, that’s why we eventually broke up after a year. He seems to be fine on his own but I think I am ready to find someone I want to spend my life with.«

     »Hanji …« [Name] had never heard her talk like that. But she remembered something. »Is there probably someone on your mind when you talk about that?«

     Hanji blushed crimson red. »W-What do you mean?«

     »Don’t act like that, I am not blind, Hanji.«

     She sighed loudly. »Oh, you got me. I can’t hide a thing from you, can I? I really like Moblit. He’s, I don’t know. He’s able to put up with me without getting annoyed. I really appreciate his presence but I think I gave him the wrong impression, didn’t I?«

     [Name] smiled. »I don’t think you did. Just tell him and ask him out.«

     »I can’t!« Hanji shrieked. »What if he doesn’t want to? I mean, we’re talking about _me_.«

     »Please, Hanji, as if he would reject you after trying the same for nearly three months now.«

     »Oh my god, I had no idea … I was always so busy trying to calm myself down that I didn’t even notice.« She jumped up. »Sorry, [Nickname], I have to do something now. I will be back soon!« And with that, she ran out of the kitchen, leaving a slightly amused [Name] behind.

 

     She ate alone that day but she was distracted by what Hanji had said. Everyone in her age group had made their experiences with love and relationships and then there was she; she had had two tiny crushes and had been too afraid to tell them. But there was something else in the depths of her heart. It was confusing but a really strong and painful feeling. It couldn’t be, she thought, not him. It was wrong. It was _so_ wrong.

     The first tears fell down onto her abandoned plate. »No,« she cried, »I don’t want to fall in love.«

     But in that very moment, she had to admit that she had – indeed – fallen in love.

     With Levi Ackerman.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, finally! Reader-chan has finally realized that she is in love with Levi and yes, there is a little more drama coming next week. I mean, Levi still has to give in to his feelings, doesn't he?
> 
> Please leave a Kudos or a comment if you like it! ♥


	18. Human

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to thank you all for the encouraging words I recieved. You don't even know how happy you made me. God bless all of your beautiful souls, you all deserve the best ♥
> 
> And thank you so much for 200 Kudos! I've been blessed with the most awesome readers on earth, thank you qwq ♥
> 
> After a long, cruel week there finally is a new chapter and I really hope that you'll like it.  
> Please, enjoy yourself ♥
> 
> The song is Human by Christina Perri.

_But I'm only human_

_And I bleed when I fall down_

_I'm only human_

_And I crash and I break down_

_Your words in my head, knives in my heart_

_You build me up and then I fall apart_

_'Cause I'm only human_

_Love doesn’t have a law. It doesn’t know right or wrong. Love is. It just is._

 

 

     Hanji had returned that evening, proud to say that she had a date with Mr. Berner on Saturday. [Name] was utterly happy for them and texted Mr. Berner, saying that he must be the luckiest man on earth. He had replied with a smiley and a promise to make Hanji the happiest woman in the world. [Name] had gone to bed feeling happy and sad at the same time. She had fallen for one of her teachers. It was wrong. But she would just ignore it and wait for it to go by. She would graduate in June and probably never see him again when she would go to university.

     Throughout the week, she tried her best to ignore her pounding heart and the flutter in her stomach but failed every time she saw him in the hallway. The worst were his classes. [Name] couldn’t concentrate, especially when he made his way towards her, asking if she didn’t feel alright.

     Nothing was alright, her teacher made her heart skip several beats and that alone couldn’t be healthy anymore. It was even worse because Hanji thought that it was a good idea to invite him over for dinner on Wednesday. Whenever he stood behind or beside her, her hands started shaking and she cut her finger while desperately trying to keep calm. Of course, it was him who got some patches, saying that she should concentrate when she was cutting something with a sharp knife and she just hoped that he wouldn’t notice the horrible blush on her cheeks.

     Just a few days ago, she could think about him in a normal way and all of a sudden, her mind, heart and body betrayed her like that. _This wasn’t fair_.

 

     On Friday, she felt relieved that she had to work the whole weekend. No Levi, no Hanji, no one who would ask about relationships or something like that. Just herself, the customers and the smell of coffee and cake. She sighed happily when she entered the café and was greeted by her boss and some of her colleagues.

     »Is something the matter, dear?« she heard someone ask suddenly and she turned around to see her boss leaning against the doorframe, his arms crossed and a mild expression on his face. »You seem bothered, [Name].«

     »It’s nothing, I just had a pretty _eventful_ week, that’s all. I am happy that I can spend my weekend here, actually. School’s been giving me hell lately.« She tied a knot to fix her black apron and went over to the mirror to check her appearance. Her boss sat down in front of said mirror and looked at his employee.

     »Has it something to do with the upcoming graduation? I mean, we have January already and as far as I remember, the deadlines are in March, am I right?« He knew [Name] and that she was pretty afraid of the future – she didn’t even have to tell him, he could see that.

     »Yes,« she said and it wasn’t even a lie. The deadline was indeed bothering her quite a lot. »I have to submit five pictures to five different schools until the first week of March. I can take two from those I already did but three is still a lot and I only have less than two months. And I don’t even know what to draw!« [Name] huffed in frustration, sitting down on a chair.

     »Oh, dear,« her boss said, pulling her towards him into a hug. »I have faith in you. You’re so talented, I am sure you will be accepted. And for those pictures, if you need the weekends off, just tell me. I know that a picture won’t be made overnight.«

     »Thank you for that but I usually don’t draw on weekends anyway. And I really need the money right now.« [Name] sighed. »Too many birthdays,« she said, smiling.

     She stood up and got ready before they opened the café. It didn’t take long for the first customers to sit down and order something and [Name] was more than happy to have a distraction from everything that was bothering her.

     She had spent more nights crying than not the past week and with school and Hanji constantly reminding her of those things, she had hardly the chance to think of anything else. Especially when Levi was around her all the time.

 

     The time went by without [Name] really noticing. She was the youngest out of the employees of the café but she attracted a lot of customers, thanks to her innocent looks. Her boss would often stare some of the old perverted men down if they would not act to his liking and the female employees were often really thankful for that. It was a regular café after all and not some maid or cosplay café.

     When the boss’ boyfriend was here, the perverted men didn’t even dare to look at the young girls with hungry eyes – they knew he would probably throw them out. The boss’ partner was tall and very well built, with those muscles he could probably beat someone up really good.

     There were more ladies today and [Name] was very happy about that. She always felt better around women because sometimes the male customers were just downright rude and made a lot of sexual remarks behind her back. [Name] was currently bringing a young married couple and their daughter their order. »A skinny latte, a black coffee and I suppose the chocolate cake is for the young lady.« [Name] placed the cake in front of the girl with a smile. »Please enjoy.«

     She checked if there were any new customers still waiting to give her an order and after she had made sure that everyone was served, she went back to the kitchen. Her shift would end in half an hour; she would take the bus to go home, though it was still pretty early.

     »Have you seen that guy?« she heard one of her co-workers ask. [Name] turned around. Hitch was talking to Mina. »Like, he’s really hot!«

     »Who are you talking about, Hitch?« [Name] asked, casually taking the black tea and the number of the table it would go to. »Aren’t you dating someone?«

     »Yes, but he is a God! I swear, he looks so sexy.« Hitch was practically drooling and Mina sighed. Every time a good-looking male came to the café, she acted like that. »Oh, that’s his order!« Hitch pointed at the tea on [Name]’s dinner tray.

     »Good to know, now I can bring it to him and prevent you from making out with him.«

     »Not fair!« Hitch cried and Mina held her back.

 

     [Name] looked at the number of the table, approached it and set the tea down. »Here’s your order. Please enjoy it.«

     »[Name]?«

     She looked up to meet a pair of steel-grey eyes. »M-Mr. Ackerman!« She nearly fell backwards upon realizing it was her maths teacher and the actual reason she wanted to be here today.

     »I didn’t know you were working here,« he just said, taking a sip of his tea.

     »I’ve never seen you here before, to be honest.«

     »Well, I was bored at home so I thought I would just drive around and I landed here. The café looked nice so I went it. I didn’t think I would meet a familiar face today.« He set his cup back on the saucer. »When does your shift end?«

     »In twenty minutes,« [Name] answered, her face blushing a nice shade of red. That wasn’t what she had imagined for this day. It had been so nice until now, not having to think about him and being on the verge of tears all the time because of the feelings that currently tore her apart.

     »I’ll give you a ride home. It started snowing again.«

     »Y-You don’t have to, really. I-I can take the bus, it won’t-«

     »Tch, don’t be stupid,« he said, a bit harsher actually than he had intended to, »as if I would let you walk home in the cold. And I think I told you that you don’t have to act so formal around me when we’re not at school.«

     »S-Sorry …«

     »I’ll wait for you outside in my car.«

 

✿✿✿

 

     After [Name] had said goodbye to her co-workers and her boss, she went outside to find her teacher sitting in his car, waiting for her. She sat beside him on the passenger seat and fastened her seatbelt. After a little while, he began to speak. »Is Hanji at home right now?«

     »I don’t know if she’s home yet. She went on a date with Mr. Berner earlier and she didn’t say when she would be back. But I have a key so don’t worry.« [Name] avoided looking in his direction.

     »So, he finally had the guts to ask her out? He’s got heart eyes for Shitty Glasses for a couple of years now.« The snow slowly stopped falling when they pulled into the next street.

     [Name] smiled. »Well, actually, she was the one to ask him out.«

     Levi snorted. »I thought so. She was brave enough to ask me out, too, back then. You see, I was a rather complicated teenager and I am being nice when I say that. The girls were after me a lot but no one had the guts to ask me out. But Hanji just casually said that she wanted us to go on a date and I was so stunned that I said yes. Unbelievable that she turned into that much of a chicken when it comes to dating.«

     »That’s an awful lot of information,« [Name] said quietly. He would never be interested in a kid like her, she thought and the tears threatened to flow again, she was so much younger than him and he surely wanted someone his age. But the worst was still that he was her goddamn _teacher_. As long as she was in school, it was against the law. She had to bite back a sob.

     »Oi, are you okay?« he asked, a hint of concern in his voice.

     _Shit_. »Y-Yeah, I am just tired and really hungry.« Did her voice just crack a bit? She hoped that he didn’t notice. »D-Do you want to come in for a bit? It would be more fun to cook for two,« she found herself asking before she could even think about it. When she realized what she’d just said, she wanted to slap herself in the face.

     »Why not,« he said and pulled into the driveway. »Something special you want to eat?«

 

     They ended up preparing some light curry and vegetables but [Name] could hardly concentrate on what she was supposed to do. Forget fainting, if her heart would beat any faster she would die. And Levi seemed to be closer than ever. He watched over her shoulder while she chopped the vegetables and whenever they touched by accident, [Name] had to hide her killer blush.

     Levi watched her every movement out of the corner of his eye, not only concerned about her strange behaviour towards him the last few days. He had found himself thinking about [Name] since her birthday, her picture flickered through his mind nearly constantly and he had a hard time during classes when she sat on her chair by the window. She was distracting and his heart beat so fast that he feared she would hear it. She smelled really nice today, maybe it was the perfume Mike and Nanaba had given her for her birthday. She also looked different; she still wore her work attire, dark jeans and a white, long-sleeved blouse. [Name] looked so beautiful tonight, he thought and blushed lightly. He shouldn’t think about one of his students in a way like that.

     She had acted different around him lately, she started avoiding his gaze more often than usual, she would not talk to him anymore and when he had been at Hanji’s for dinner, she had gone to bed as fast as possible. Did she hate him? Had he done something to her? He couldn’t even remember what. Should her ask her if he made her feel uncomfortable?

     His heart felt heavy all of a sudden while thinking about the possibility that she just wanted to be nice to him because he was her teacher and that she feared he would be mad at her. He would never be mad at her, he thought, staring at her back while she made sure that their dinner wouldn’t scorch.

     They ate together in silence. It was uncomfortable and awkward and Levi really wanted to start a conversation but he didn’t know what to say. And if he wasn’t careful he might say something really stupid that scared or enraged her and he would rather keep this distance to her than pushing her even further away from him.

 

     [Name] on the other hand, fought with her feelings through dinner and was a bit relieved but unbearably sad when Hanji returned and Levi took his leave. She went upstairs and changed into her pyjamas, plugged in her earphones and listened to some piano music while the tears started flowing. She kept the noise to a minimum, not wanting Hanji to hear her cry.

     She didn’t want this. Not with a man she couldn’t be with. Not with a man who would never be interested in her. But would there ever be someone who would love her? Why did it even hurt so much?

 

✿✿✿

 

     Levi sat in his car, not able to get out and into his house. He laid his head on the steering wheel and closed his eyes. His heart had calmed down by now but just the thought of seeing [Name] again on Monday in the hallway made it flutter again.

     This was wrong, he thought. He couldn’t fall in love with one of his fucking students.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a Kudos or a comment if you like it ♥
> 
> And god, I've been doing homework for eleven hours straight now and I am still not finished. I want to go to bed but I can't, I hate morning classes.
> 
> Have a nice week, everyone ♥


	19. Pretty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My week has been horrible and I am so happy it ended at least ... Now, I have a bit more freedom to do what I want before finals will tear me apart, sigh ...
> 
> Please, enjoy this chapter to the fullest ♥

     As January went by, [Name]’s feelings for her maths teacher only became stronger. Her heart ached to be with him but her mind knew that she couldn’t. It got harder to avoid him, too; she found herself staring at him way too often and every time she saw him looking at her, she blushed horribly up to the point where Marco put a hand on her forehead to check if she had a fever.

     [Name] could hardly relax anymore and all of her friends noticed that – but they just thought that she was stressed about the upcoming deadline for the application. [Name] had indeed managed to submit three of her pictures to three different schools but she still had two more pictures to do – she had even started one of those but she had absolutely no idea what to choose for the last picture. Apparently, it was for the school she wanted to attend the most. It wasn’t too far away and was recommended by a lot of people. She wanted to submit a really good picture.

     They entered the first week of February and [Name] sat on Jean’s bed, a sketchbook on her lap and a lot of pencils and rubbers splayed out in front of her. Jean was seated on the floor, his sketchbook lying abandoned to his left while he texted Marco with a really silly smile on his face. [Name] and Jean had been doodling ideas since that morning and there was a lot of crumpled paper scattered on the floor and next to the trashcan.

     [Name] closed her eyes and laid back into the warmth of Jean’s bed, thinking. None of the ideas she’d had for her very last picture to submit seemed to be good enough and her head buzzed unpleasantly because of the lack of oxygen. It was still cold outside but the winter had said goodbye for sure and [Name] couldn’t be happier about that. She was sick of snow and thick jackets.

     »Jean,« she groaned, »I give up for today. I am done.«

     Jean put his phone aside and turned around. »Yeah, I am done, too. Do you want to eat or drink something? I could even make us something since my parents aren’t home.«

     »Do you still have some of that delicious tea you made me last time?« she asked and propped herself up on her elbows. »But I am not hungry at the moment, thank you for asking.«

     »Sure, I’ll be back in ten minutes.« Jean went downstairs while [Name] laid back and relaxed. A smile crossed her features when she closed her eyes and remembered how she had met Marco and Jean in Middle School.

 

     She was new in town and she didn’t know anyone except Hanji. On her first day of school, she felt so out of line and uncomfortable that she never wanted to go back there again. All of her classmates knew each other from Elementary School and she was the only one to sit alone during lunch and no one wanted to be paired up with her for group projects.

     It had been shortly before Christmas, when she went through the hallway. Right before her was a boy who apparently had the same way as her – she had wanted to go to the bathroom – and she remembered that they had to go downstairs for that. And that’s when it happened; the boy slipped and nearly fell down the stairs but [Name] grabbed his sleeve and pulled him towards her with all the strength she had. The landed on the floor, the boy on top of her.

     He apologized at least ten times – because she had hit her head – and introduced himself as Marco Bott. After that first encounter, Marco and [Name] became very good friends. Jean was a friend of Marco at that time and after [Name] discovered that Jean was a very talented artist, they became best friends nearly instantly.

     Marco and Jean were the first friends she had in this town and she was very grateful that she had the chance to meet them. She chuckled a bit when Jean returned with two mugs of tea.

     »Something funny you’re thinking about?« he asked and sat down on the edge of the mattress.

     [Name] sat up and took the mug. »I was just thinking about how I met you and Marco,« she said, still a nostalgic smile on her face, »you were my lifesavers. I thought I would stay alone forever.«

     »You were Marco’s lifesaver,« Jean raised an eyebrow, »he could’ve broken his neck if he had fallen down those damn stairs. He’d been very lucky and he’s still very grateful that you reacted that fast. And he’s sorry up to this day that you hit your head so hard that you passed out.«

     That was actually true, [Name] thought and blushed a bit. She had always been a lot smaller than others and she simply couldn’t hold Marco’s weight. She had been out for five minutes and Marco had brought her to the infirmary room.

     »But those are good memories,« Jean added after [Name] didn’t say anything. »Hey, do you have an idea what to draw for your last submission? I have an idea but you know, I overthink a lot. If I could just make my backgrounds and landscapes as awesome as yours I wouldn’t have to worry about that.« He sighed dramatically.

     [Name] sighed. »Jean, you’re exaggerating. My pictures aren’t that good. I just-«

     »Could you stop that, [Nickname]?« he interrupted her. »Like, seriously, why are you criticizing yourself so much? You are close to perfect, at least in my eyes.«

     »I am not, Jean. There is no such thing as perfection.« [Name] sighed again. »But … I don’t know. I guess I just don’t like myself that much?«

     He groaned. »You know what? We will go out now and buy you some new clothes. You’ve worn those sweaters for way too long, it is time to build some self-esteem, [Name].« Jean stood up and reached for his phone. »I’ll call some of the girls and boys and then we’ll get you all nice for whichever event comes next.«

 

✿✿✿

 

     [Name]’s protests went ignored. Jean threw her over his shoulder, grabbed her things and sat her into his car without even listening to whatever she said. She tried to talk him out of this idea on their way to the mall but Jean had enough of her self-loathing and pretended to not hear her.

     When they finally arrived at their destination, [Name] had given up. Jean could be so stubborn at times that it wasn’t even funny anymore. With her head hanging low, she let Jean take her by the hand and lead her inside the mall. He was looking for some of the people he had reached and when he saw Marco, he knew he had found them. To his surprise, Historia came without her girlfriend and she beamed when she saw [Name]. Mikasa was standing next to Marco and Armin next to Eren even if Jean had no idea why he had come.

     »I am so excited to pick some cute clothes for you!« Historia squealed. It had been a secret wish of hers to someday have the chance to get [Name] into some clothes she’d picked for her. »There’s a shop I buy my clothes at. They have super small sizes and the prizes are really okay, [Name].«

     [Name] sighed but said nothing and let Historia drag her into the shop while the others followed them a bit more slowly. Historia advised Mikasa to help [Name] change and make sure she didn’t run away while she would pick some clothes. The boys were seated outside the changing booth.

     The first thing Historia came back with was a white dress with no sleeves. [Name]’s eyes widened when she saw it. »Oh, Historia, this is cute but I don’t want to try it on. People will stare at me,« she said. The scars on her arms did fade a bit but the deepest ones were still clearly visible.

     »There are just me, Mikasa and the boys. We all know about your scars and we won’t judge you. Please, just give it a try. You never wear dresses and I would like to see you in one.«

     »I did wear a dress on my birthday,« [Name] pointed out while getting rid of her sweater. »The one I got from you, actually. I even sent you a picture!«

     Mikasa zipped the dress up and [Name] looked at the reflection in the mirror. The dress was slightly too big – or it was just the lack of breasts. But the only thing [Name] could stare at were her scars. They looked horrible and she regretted that she had ever done that to herself.

     Historia opened the curtain for the boys to see. »What do you think, guys?« she asked.

     »The dress is nice,« said Eren, »but isn’t it a bit, uhm, too big?«

     »And she seems really uncomfortable wearing it,« Marco added, frowning, »[Nickname] you don’t have to hide your scars like that. It’s just us.«

     »I think the dress suits you,« said Armin and blushed a bit, »but you won’t wear it, I know that.«

     [Name] smiled a bit. »Girls, can we please refrain from clothing with no sleeves? At least give me something to cover my arms with. I would really appreciate if I didn’t have to look at those scars.«

     Her blonde friend sighed dramatically. »Fine, I’ll consider it. Back into the booth!«

 

     The fitting went on for nearly two hours and [Name] was exhausted to the brink. Historia and Mikasa had brought her so many different clothes, she had actually lost count of how many outfits they had made her try on. Some of them were indeed quite cute, others made her just feel downright uncomfortable. Most of the dresses didn’t even fit because she didn’t have that much curves and Mikasa even suggested to try on a push-up bra but [Name] strictly refused to do so.

     In the end, they settled with a knife pleated skirt, a tight-fitting tank top and a cute cardigan. But the worst part was that they made her wear that outfit for the entire afternoon. After paying, Historia and Mikasa had dragged her into a nearby bathroom and had made her change into her new clothing. Historia even put her some mascara on, saying that she needed to highlight her eyes.

     [Name] felt odd walking around with those clothes on. She feared that the skirt revealed way too much though she wore tights and the fact that the top revealed a bit more of her cleavage than usual just freaked her out. She just hoped that no one would see her in that attire until she got home.

     But luck gave her the finger.

 

     »Oh, hello, Mr. Smith,« said Historia with a polite smile when she saw her teacher. He waved her hand in his direction. »I didn’t think we would meet you in a place like that.«

     He chuckled. »It is Saturday, sometimes I just have to leave my workspace and go out a bit. And I see that you were doing the same.«

     »We actually went shopping with [Name]!« She grabbed her friend’s sleeves and pulled her forward. »Even you have to admit that this suits her better than those old sweaters!«

     [Name] blushed a thousand shades of red at the same time and yanked her skirt down a bit. This was beyond embarrassing. »P-Please, don’t look at me …«

     »You really look pretty, [Name],« said Erwin with an encouraging smile on his face. He was just being honest, she looked really cute when she didn’t hide her body under those sweaters. But something inside of him wanted her to cover up in that sweater again because boys could stare at her cleavage or look under her skirt. When did he become so protective?

     »Hey, Erwin, are we going or not?«

     [Name]’s heart skipped a beat when she heard that voice. Her head shot up to look right into those steel-grey eyes that haunted her in her dreams. Levi stood there, hands in his pockets and looking mildly surprised to see his students on a Saturday afternoon in a shopping mall.

     »What are you doing here?« asked Mikasa with a dark expression on her face. There was no denying that those two were related.

     Levi clicked his tongue. »What, am I not allowed to spend my free-time the way I want to? Drop that act already, Mikasa, it’s annoying as hell.« His eyes fell on [Name] who still tried to hide the fact that she wore a skirt.

     »I-I suppose, we leave,« Armin stuttered and grabbed Mikasa’s jacket sleeve.

     »Oh, wait,« [Name] said when she felt her phone buzzing in her pocket, »just a moment, it’s Hanji. Hello?« She turned around to have a bit more privacy. »Wait, didn’t you say you’ll be home until nine o’clock? No, don’t leave, I don’t have my keys with me! I’ll be home as fast as possible.«

     She turned back around. »Sorry guys, I have to go home. Hanji is leaving and I forgot to grab the keys before heading out. Does anyone know where the next bus stop is?«

     »I’ll take you home,« said Levi nearly instantly. »Come on.«

 

✿✿✿

 

     She didn’t even know why she agreed. Now she was sitting beside him in his car, her heart pounding so fast that she feared she might die. Why did Hanji even have to leave the house earlier than she promised? No, Hanji was not the one to blame, she just had to refuse his offer and grab a taxi or ask Jean or even Erwin to give her a ride home. Her body betrayed her.

     »I know this is highly inappropriate,« he began without taking his eyes off the street, »but you look really pretty, [Name]. I wanted to tell you that on your birthday but, well, I didn’t have the guts to do so, I think.« She didn’t answer. »Sorry if I offended you.«

     »N-No, I am not offended,« she whispered, »it’s just, I am not used to being called pretty or to wear such clothing. Especially this skirt. I feel very uncomfortable, knowing that someone could just lift and look under it.«

     A sour feeling ran through his guts at those words. If someone ever dared to do that, he thought, he was going to skin them alive. No one would be allowed to touch her. When he realised what he just thought, his cheeks went red. He couldn’t allow his thoughts to go any further than that. She was his student for fuck’s sake. But the urge to be with her had become really strong over the past month. Every day he was looking forward to see her in his classroom, to sneak a peak at her whenever she crossed him in the hallway and to be near her when he was at Hanji’s.

     Levi had thought a lot about [Name] over the last few weeks. She wasn’t a minor anymore, she was an adult. If he wasn’t her teacher, it would be perfectly legal for them to date. He wasn’t even that much older than her – eight years. He’d seen married couples with age gaps of fifteen years without anyone finding it disgusting. Still, it was so very _wrong_. He would lose his job and his good reputation if someone would find out that he had fallen for one of his students.

     »You don’t have to hide yourself, [Name].« She looked as if she was about to cry and Levi wanted to punch himself in the face for saying that. He knew he had hit a nerve.

     »It’s just,« he could hear how hard she bit back the sobs, »the scars. I don’t like to see them. They remind me of what I did to myself and of other horrible things. I don’t want to look at them.«

     He could understand. It must be hard to live with the marks of the punishment she did to herself. »[Name],« he spoke, very softly, »would you mind if I take you out somewhere next Sunday?«

     She looked at him with wide eyes, some tears sparkling in the corners of them.

     »There’s a beautiful place I’ve visited a few times and I think you would like it, too. I know you love to paint landscapes, it would be a perfect motive. What do you say?« His heart beat in anticipation. He wanted her to say yes so badly it hurt.

     She sniffed a few times before giving him an answer. »Y-Yes. I would like that.«

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Historia will be a fashin designer one day if I continue like that xD  
> But this chapter is so cute and just wait for the next one, you will love that, I am sure ;)
> 
> Please leave a Kudos or a comment if you like it ♥


	20. Beautiful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear readers, it is happening, we've finally reached the climax of the story!
> 
> I really, really hope you'll enjoy every second of reading ♥♥
> 
> The song is ›You're beautiful‹ by James Blunt :)

_You're beautiful_

_You're beautiful_

_You're beautiful, it's true_

_I saw your face in a crowded place_

_And I don't know what to do_

_'Cause I'll never be with you_

_»I fell in love the way you fall asleep; slowly, and then all at once.« John Green_

 

 

     [Name] didn’t realise that Sunday was Valentine’s Day until she was getting ready alongside Hanji who had a date with Mr. Berner. Her cheeks turned a nice crimson and she wondered if Levi did it on purpose – but then, she shrugged it off, it must’ve been a coincidence. From judging him, he wasn’t a guy to give Valentine’s Day much thought.

     For her day with Levi, [Name] had actually chosen to wear the top and the cute cardigan she was forced to buy last week. But instead of the skirt she wore a simple pair of jeans since they went better with her shoes – and because she was really embarrassed to wear that damn skirt. Hanji had squealed at the sight of it in the laundry and [Name] almost regretted that she hadn’t hid it in her cupboard.

     The week had gone by way too slow. [Name] had been waiting in anticipation for Sunday and at the same time, she dreaded its arrival. It would be great to spend a few hours alone with Levi but at the same time it was absolutely horrifying. She had prepared herself for the most awkward situations she could’ve imagined, some of them even including the apocalypse. She had been beyond nervous all week but as Sunday drew nearer, she nearly panicked.

 

     [Name] and Hanji stood in front of the mirror, Hanji applying some lipstick while [Name] tried to cover up her cleavage a little bit. She knew that there wasn’t much to look at but she still didn’t really feel comfortable wearing such clothing.

     »You look so cute, [Name],« Hanji sighed, »too bad you’re not having a date. But I am sure that Shorty will show you a really nice place. And if he’s not nice to you, just tell me and I will beat his sorry ass.« Hanji cackled. »I will be back around evening so don’t forget your keys, just in case you’ll return earlier than me.«

     »Have a nice day, Hanji,« [Name] said when she heard the doorbell ring. »And don’t forget the protection!« she added, laughing at the sight of Hanji’s flaming cheeks.

     After Hanji left, [Name] decided to clean up a bit before Levi would pick her up. For one, it was actually a bit messy in the kitchen and the living room because she’d had a pillow fight with Hanji after pizza and movies last night and two, it distracted her from the fact that Levi wanted to take her out. It wasn’t a date or anything – God, he would lose his job and good reputation – but it still felt like one somehow and [Name] couldn’t help but be utterly nervous.

     When the doorbell rang the second time this morning, [Name] nearly jumped out of her skin. She had to take a few deep breaths to calm her racing heart down, before she went to open the door. »G-Good morning,« she said, a blush covering her cheeks. He looked so good today, she noted. He wore a black button-up and a light jacket. He stepped inside while she fumbled with the laces of her shoes.

     »I hope you didn’t have to cancel any plans. I just realized that it’s Valentine’s Day when I looked at my phone when I got up,« he said, taking the handbag he knew was hers while she put on a light coat. It was quite warm outside for Mid-February.

     »Oh, I didn’t have any plans in the first place. To be honest, I realized it was Valentine’s Day while Hanji and I got ready this morning. And I should warn you, she said if you’re not being nice, she will beat your, uhm, sorry ass.« [Name] chuckled a bit and Levi snorted.

     The girl locked the door behind her before sitting down next to Levi on the passenger seat in his car. She hadn’t quite noticed it the first time but his car was as clean as his house which didn’t really surprise her, actually.

     When they pulled into the street, [Name] suddenly started feeling uneasy. Levi noticed right away. »Is something the matter?« he asked. »Do you have some sort of morning sickness or something like that? Shall I get you some water?«

     [Name] shook her head. »No, no, I am fine. I just – well – what if someone sees us together? I mean, someone from school, another teacher, or worse, the principal! I don’t want you to lose your job because of me. And I don’t want the rumours to start again.« She buried her face in her hands. »Sorry, I didn’t want to ruin the mood or anything. I am just worried about you.«

     A rare smile crossed his lips, but for only a second. »Relax, [Name],« he said calmly, »we’re not doing something forbidden. We are not dating or something like that. It isn’t prohibited to see your students outside of school, believe me, I’ve checked. Besides, we’re heading out of town and I don’t think anyone we know will have the same idea. And if anyone does see us, we could always say that we met by chance if you’re more comfortable with that.« She seemed to relax a bit while he spoke. »Just lean back and listen to some music if you want. We’re going to drive for quite some time. If you want, you can connect your phone with the speakers in the car. I am really curious about the music you listen to.«

 

✿✿✿

 

     Levi was just mildly surprised that [Name] had a lot of soundtracks on her phone she got from Petra. He knew that his colleague let her students listen to some music during her classes and because [Name] and Petra were very similar, he could’ve imagined that they had the same taste in music. But there were also a lot of songs he didn’t know, all of them in Japanese and [Name] told him that she liked anime soundtracks even if she couldn’t understand the lyrics.

     After half an hour, [Name] fell asleep. Levi didn’t really mind that. To be honest, she distracted him a bit and it was better for both of them if he concentrated while driving a car. She had taken her coat off and he noticed that she wore the same top and cardigan she was seemingly forced to buy last weekend. He glanced at the part of her cleavage the fabric didn’t cover. It was not much but it looked smooth and he imagined how it would feel to kiss her tender skin.

     He wanted to put a necklace around her neck sometime in the future. A silver necklace with a stone that matched the colour of her eyes. She was the most beautiful human being in this world; and he desperately wanted to hold her hand while walking down the streets, telling everyone who wanted to know that he was the happiest man alive because she was with him. But there was no way he could. She deserved someone younger and better than him, someone she could be with without feeling stressed about his profession. Or what people would think.

     Levi didn’t care about himself. He didn’t care about losing his job or his good reputation. He had fallen in love with an adult, with her personality, with the way she laughed and the way her eyes sparkled when she thought about something that made her happy. He fell in love with all the little things he saw her doing. He didn’t fall in love with her because she was his student. Love was a cruel thing, he thought with a grim expression on his face. She would be disgusted when he told her about his feelings, she would think of him as a perverted teacher who was just after her because he wanted to get into her pants.

     That, Levi thought, was something he never wanted her to think. He knew the difference between love and lust. He was not after her body – he craved for her heart.

 

     [Name] yawned and stretched her arms shortly before they arrived at their destination. She had slept quite well and flashed Levi a sleepy smile which made his heart beat a little faster. They exited from the car and walked up a hill, side by side. The pebbles beneath their feet crunched while they walked in silence, [Name] admiring the beautiful landscape. Though it was only February, it seemed that spring had already started here and she wondered briefly where they exactly were.

     »Are they mad at each other?« she suddenly heard someone whisper behind her and she looked back. A young couple looked at her and Levi. »They’re not even holding hands!« the girl said and [Name]’s face went white.

     »Love, she heard you. It’s none of our business,« her boyfriend whispered back and flashed [Name] an apologetic smile.

     Only now [Name] noticed that there were only couples around here. All of them were holding hands or kissing and her face went from white to crimson red within seconds. Out of the corner of her eye, she looked up to see how Levi reacted but he showed no signs of caring.

     »Don’t you think her boyfriend is way too hot for a child like her?« she heard someone else whisper. A knot was forming in her throat.

     »I don’t know if they are a couple, they don’t even look at each other. Oh, if I could just muster up the courage and knew he was single, I’d totally ask him out!«

     [Name] gulped. She really wanted to run away right now but Levi still didn’t seem to give the whispers much thought so she just looked at her feet while walking alongside her teacher. [Name] glanced at his hands. There was an unbearable urge of holding one of his hands like the other couples but he would downright freak out and probably yell at her and never talk to her again.

     They reached a semi-circular, flat area delimited with a steel railing. It was a lookout. There were some benches and tables where couples and elderly people were sitting. It seemed to be their destination. It was a bit windy up here but [Name] paid no attention to it. Levi led her over to the railing.

     [Name]’s eyes went wide. The landscape she looked at was beautiful. There was no sign of winter left, trees and bushes in full bloom – how was that even possible? – and her eyes caught the sun so they shone more beautiful than any jewellery in the world.

     »This is absolutely beautiful,« she whispered.

     Levi knew that she would like the view. But he himself paid no attention to his surroundings. The only thing he could look at was [Name]. The wind brushed gently through her hair and her eyes couldn’t be more beautiful than in this very moment. His mind went blank. »Yeah,« he said, still looking at her beautiful form, »you’re beautiful.«

     She turned around. »W-What?« she stuttered, her cheeks dusted pink. Did he just-

     He came closer, a smile grazing his lips. »You’re absolutely beautiful, [Name].«

     And before either of them knew, they kissed.

 

     It was a very gentle kiss. Both of their lips were warm and smooth and [Name] closed her eyes, absolutely blocking out any reason left in her brain. _Her first kiss_. And it felt absolutely amazing. A bit hesitant, she put her arms around his neck, not wanting to be so far away from him, while his hands snaked around her waist to bring them closer together.

     There was no rush, no heat, no fiery passion – it was a warm and loving kiss, but both of them put all of their feelings into it, everything they were too afraid to say out loud. Levi gently moved his lips against hers, patiently waiting for a reaction. She tried to do the same a bit clumsily but he found it adorable and loving. He didn’t want this moment to end. He could feel her rapid heartbeat but he wasn’t entirely sure that it wasn’t his own. He rubbed his hands over the small of her back, feeling just how small she really was and thinking that he had to be careful to not break her.

     After a long moment, they eventually parted – but as soon as their eyes fluttered open, there was instant regret. »Oh God,« Levi released her, shocked about what he had just done, »I am so sorry, [Name]. I-I wasn’t thinking. I shouldn’t have … oh God.«

     »I-It wasn’t your fault,« she whispered quite sad, »it – it felt good … But, this is wrong, you’re my teacher! I … Levi …«

     He embraced her again. »Please, don’t cry,« he said, kissing her temple. He couldn’t stop. Not now. He had to say this. »I know this is wrong, God, it is so wrong, but I can’t help it. [Name], I have fallen in love with you. Shit,« he cursed, »just why do I have to be your fucking teacher?«

     [Name] actually forgot about crying when he confessed. It only took her seconds to tighten her grip on him and bury her face in the crook of his neck. »I … I love you,« she sobbed.

     When he heard the words he had longed to hear for a while now, he couldn’t help but kiss her again. She tasted a bit salty now, the tears still streaming down her face. »Just today,« he breathed, looking her in the eye, »let me take you on a real date today. I just – fuck – [Name] I just want to spend the time we’ve got with you. I want to hold your hand and make you smile, not cry. And after this day …« He couldn’t finish what he wanted to say.

     »I will wait until graduation,« she said, »then it will be perfectly legal for us to date or whatever. I don’t want to say farewell today!«

     »There will be better man for you, [Name],« he said though his heart screamed at him not to, »no matter if we wait until you graduate or even longer, people will judge us. They will talk behind our backs and I don’t want you to bear this burden.«

     »I don’t care,« she cried, »I’ve never felt like this before. I feel like my heart is tearing apart when I think about the next morning, knowing that there is no chance to be with you like that for four months.«

     »I am seriously no match for you, [Name],« he breathed, choking back a sob, »I love you.« And before she could respond, he kissed her again.

     The kiss was desperate and if [Name] had to describe it, she would say it was sad. Was love supposed to hurt so much? Maybe it was. Why did it feel so good to be held and kissed by her teacher when at the same time it was so obviously wrong?

     Wait, he wasn’t her teacher right now. He was just _Levi_. She had fallen in love with him because he made her feel safe, not because he was her teacher. She loved him for the way he spoke to her and how his voice would calm her down easily. She loved him for the way he acted while cleaning, him wearing an apron and a handkerchief in his hair. She loved the way he tenderly held her against him right now, how his lips moved against hers and how he wiped away her tears with his thumbs while not breaking the kiss.

 

     Levi didn’t break his promise. He took her cold hand into his, intertwining their fingers and leading her to a small restaurant he knew was nearby. They ate together and after they finished their desert, they just sat there for a little bit longer, holding hands and talking about everything which came to their minds.

     For the next few hours they spent together, they forgot about being student and teacher. They were two people sharing the same feelings for each other and no one even suspected a thing. Eight years weren’t that much, they had similar interests and Levi loved listening to her talking about her pictures.

     They wished they could stop the time.

     But sadly, they couldn’t.

 

✿✿✿

 

     It was late at night when they came home. There was no light inside the house, Hanji must be asleep or she was still out. [Name] waited before she exited the car. Levi took her hand and leaned in to kiss her. »Don’t waste your time waiting, [Name],« he whispered, »just know that I love you.«

     »I will wait,« she said, the tears threatening to overwhelm her once again, »I love you.«

     He took a deep breath. »If you still love me after you graduate, come to me. If you don’t, I hope that you will find someone who loves you as much as I do.«

     »Please, don’t say something like that. It hurts so much.«

     »Goodbye, [Name].« He kissed her one last time.

     »Goodbye,« she said when she pushed the door open, »Mr. Ackerman.«

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is so unbelievably beautiful and sad, I cried so much while writing it. This is my favourite chapter so far and they finally made a move, I am so happy right now, oh my god ♥  
> Please leave a Kudos or a comment if you like it, that would make me so happy ♥  
> Thank you again for your massive support, I love all of you and I love being on this site and read all your comments, it makes me feel like I am not alone and that I am actually good at something. You all are so nice and deserve so much love ♥


	21. Pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before we start, I wanted to thank you. I've recieved so many nice comments, I was drowning in an ocean of happy tears. And I am really sorry for making you cry. Though I can't promise that it won't happen again ._.
> 
> I hope this chapter will lighten your moods up a bit ♥

     »[Name]?«

     It was Friday again. It had been nearly a week since [Name] and Levi exchanged their goodbyes. And since then, nothing had been as before. It was so hard to see Levi and knowing that he was so close yet so far away, that she didn’t last an hour without having to excuse herself to the bathroom to cry. Did he know how hard it was for her to accept this? He must. The pained expression on his face was prove enough. Yet, they could do nothing about it.

     »Hey, [Name].«

     It hurt so much. Exactly this was the reason she didn’t want to fall in love in the first place. She was not weak to pain, she had cut her own skin deep enough to last wounds for a lifetime for over two months, but this pain was beyond unbearable.

     She hadn’t talked to anyone about it, though her friends, Hanji – nearly everyone had noticed that something was wrong with her. Her smiles had become rare, she had refused to see anyone during the week and now she was sitting again in Mr. Smith’s classroom, close to tears.

     »[Name].«

     »Huh? Wh-What?«

     She finally snapped out of her thoughts and met her teacher’s worried gaze. She blinked a few times, taking a few moments to realize where she was. »I-I’m sorry,« she said, a bit embarrassed, »I was just … thinking.«

      Mr. Smith looked at her for a bit before he said, »I know that the deadline for the application is in two weeks but I hardly believe that’s the only thing on your mind. We haven’t spoken like that in a while now but you seemed off the whole week. Did something happen, [Name]?«

     [Name] didn’t answer at first. She bit her lip and avoided his gaze but, eventually, she gave in. »Have you ever been in love, Mr. Smith?« she whispered, her head hung low so her teacher couldn’t see the pained and sad expression on her face. »Like, not those crushes you get and they go by without hurting you too much. I mean a really strong feeling you can’t quite describe, which makes your heart ache because it beats so fast and whenever that person touches you, you feel light-headed and giddy and you just want to be around them all the time because it feels so good to see them looking at you. Have you ever felt like that?«

     He was taken aback a bit and just looked at his student with wide eyes. »I have,« he answered a bit stunned. Was [Name] lovesick?

     »And do you know how horrible it feels to know that, for the time being, you will not be able to be close to that person?« He heard her voice crack. »And the horrible feeling and the fear that you will drift apart and when you’re finally able to intertwine your hands it will not feel the same anymore?«

     He couldn’t quite follow her words. »[Name], what do you want to tell me?« he asked desperately, »I can’t understand what you mean.«

     She looked up, the tears dripping down her chin and staining her jeans. »I’ve fallen in love, Mr. Smith,« she cried, »and it hurts so much.«

 

     For the first time in a while, Erwin felt like he could really understand a teenager’s mind. While he held [Name] close to his heart and whispering into her ear that everything would be alright, he remembered how he felt when he was her age. Oh, he perfectly knew how she felt.

     During his senior year in High School, he’d fallen in love with a girl a year younger than him. Sometimes, [Name] reminded him of her. She had been kind and caring and her smile had made his heart melt. Every time he had caught a glimpse of her sandy blonde hair in the hallway, he would stop dead in his tracks just to look at her. And her eyes were more beautiful than anything he had ever seen in his entire life. He clearly remembered that she had heterochromia, her left eye having the colour of spring leaves and her right eye having the colour of a beautiful, cloudless sky. While others found it rather odd, he absolutely loved it.

     Her name had been Aurora and he often wondered where she had gone. He never had the guts to ask her out and after he graduated, he slowly forgot about her. But now, he remembered every little detail he loved about that girl and maybe, just maybe, she was the reason he’d never had a long-term relationship.

     While he rubbed soothing circles on her back, [Name] couldn’t help but think that nothing would be alright. She couldn’t tell her teacher that she had fallen for one of his colleagues, that she had held hands with Mr. Ackerman and that she had even kissed him multiple times on Sunday. She couldn’t tell him that he felt the same way about her and she couldn’t tell him that he would most certainly not be interested in her after she had graduated. He was a full-grown adult after all and he would get over a stupid little girl like her easier than she would get over him.

     But she didn’t even want to get over him. This was just cruel. And painful. And [Name] felt more broken than ever before.

     It took her a while before she calmed down. [Name] was still sobbing silently when Mr. Smith led her to his car to bring her home. There was no way he would let her go home alone in that state. He feared that she might do something she would regret later and because he knew that Hanji was home already, he could make sure that she wasn’t alone until Hanji could take care of her.

 

     »I’ve been madly in love with someone when I was your age,« Erwin said while they drove, »but I never had the guts to ask her out. She seemed to be so out of my league and I was too afraid to get rejected. I feared that my heart would simply shatter into a million pieces if she turned me down.«

     »Have you never spoken to her about that?« she asked.

     »No, I can’t even remember if I ever exchanged a word with her. I was an idiot.«

     »Fear lets you do terrible things, Erwin,« she said quietly and looked out of the window, »and the fear of heartbreak is understandable. It hurts so much and you can do nothing about it. It tears every inch of your soul apart and you have to keep on living because that’s what people expect of you. Do you regret your fear?«

     »I do,« he said, sighing, »if she had rejected me back then, I would’ve had the chance to move on. You must know, I didn’t have any long-term relationships my entire life. The longest relationship I’ve been in lasted two months. I think I am not over her. But now it’s too late.«

     »It is never too late,« she said and looked at him. Her eyes were still red and puffy from crying. »If you really want to have a second chance, I would start looking out for her. Do you remember her name?«

     »Her name was Aurora,« he said after a few moments of silence, »but I can’t remember her last name. Maybe I’ll find it in a yearbook or something but who knows if she’s married now and has a husband and children. I don’t even think she will know who I am.«

     »Don’t give up hope,« [Name] smiled. »You will never know if you never try. You said that to me, too, right? Once you are sure she’s taken you can move on. And if she’s not, you might be able to have a chance with her. I can help you look for her if you want.« [Name] desperately wanted Erwin to be happy. Because she couldn’t be – at least not now.

     He hesitated a bit before agreeing but told her not to pressure herself into it because of everything that was going on at the moment. [Name] promised him.

 

✿✿✿

 

      »Dear? Are you not hungry?« Hanji asked over their dinner because [Name] just kept rolling her food from side to side with her fork. »Or are you sick? You do seem quite pale.«

     »No, no, I am fine, Hanji, [Name] assured her, »it’s just … can I talk to you about something?«

     Hanji straightened herself, ready to listen to whatever sorrow would be on [Name]’s mind. She rarely talked about her problems and she had sensed that there was something bothering her. She was quite glad that [Name] finally decided to tell her; eating away her feelings would only cause her more sorrow. »I am listening, honey.«

     After taking a deep breath, [Name] carefully explained to Hanji what she was currently going through. She didn’t dare to tell her that the boy she had fallen for was her maths teacher and so she just said that he lived far away and they had met over the internet. Hanji patiently listened while [Name] explained all those new feelings she was experiencing and the pain she was going through. Hanji clearly understood that all those things were just too much for [Name].

     When [Name] had ended, Hanji recollected herself a bit before she spoke. »I can pretty much understand what you feel right now, darling and I know that it hurts.« She pulled [Name] into a hug, stroking over her back and holding her tight to her chest. »Being in love feels so wrong sometimes, doesn’t it? But don’t let that break you, honey, it will get better. And you said that after your graduation you’ll be able to see him, didn’t you?«

     »But what if he doesn’t feel the same anymore when we meet again? Oh, Hanji, I am so scared!« She really didn’t want to cry again but she was so overwhelmed by all her feelings, she couldn’t hold it in. »What if he has already forgotten about the feelings we shared? I am not sure if my heart can take that!« It felt familiar to be held by Hanji and cry. It was different yet so oddly familiar and [Name] was confused but at the same time she felt so safe and warm, she didn’t want to leave that embrace.

     »Honey, have you told him about that? Does he know what you’re afraid of?« Hanji asked calmly.

     »I-I don’t think so,« she sobbed.

     »Why don’t you call him, love? I am sure he will understand and I bet he will feel the same about it. You know, long-distance things at such a young age can be really tough but I am sure that you will master this. You know, not speaking of your fears can tear you apart. When I was young, I was too scared about the reaction of my partner so I acted like it was nothing and that drove us apart. Give him a call after dinner, I am sure he will understand. Okay?«

     [Name] nodded weakly. Hanji was right. She had to tell Levi about what was bothering her or she would break right now. She wanted to treasure those feelings she had for him as long as she could and if it was meant to last for a lifetime, she would accept it. But what about him? He was twenty-six years old, did he also have fears like those? Or were they childish in his eyes?

 

     After dinner, [Name] went upstairs and closed the door to her room. With shaking hands and teary eyes, she sat on her bed. She didn’t have to search long for Levi’s phone number and she pressed the call button before she knew what she was doing.

     »[Name]?« she heard and she started to cry again. »What happened? Are you okay?«

     »N-No,« she sobbed and sunk down to the floor, »I am anything but.«

     »What happened? Are you hurt? Please, talk to me, [Name]!« He sounded really freaked out.

     »I am so scared. I am so scared about the future. I am so scared that once we’ll be able to be together you won’t feel the same anymore! I don’t want it to end like that, I-I love you so much it hurts. I feel like I am torn apart every day a bit more. I am so sorry!« She didn’t even know what she was saying. The words just spluttered out of her mouth and she kept on talking and sobbing while Levi was quietly listening on the other end of the line.

     He knew it would be too much for her. She was so young and afraid of this big feeling called love and he could certainly not blame her for that. He was scared, too. He was scared that she would find someone else and leave his heart bleeding. She was so beautiful and kind, he didn’t think he deserved her. But the way she told him about her fears made him a bit more relaxed. Everything he wanted to do was to hold her close and assure her that everything would be alright. He didn’t care anymore if it was wrong or right. It was already too late to question the whole thing. And since when were feelings and emotions something you could explain logically?

     »[Name],« he said after she had stopped talking, »I love you. I love you so much. I will never, not under any circumstances allow my heart to feel otherwise. I promise, [Name]. Do you understand? I swear to fucking God, I will love you as long as I can. Just please, promise me you’ll do the same.«

     »I,« she nearly choked on a sob and coughed, »I-I promise. I love you.«

 

✿✿✿

 

     [Name] felt a bit better after the weekend. The fear was still there but she also had his promise. After history class, [Name] headed to Mr. Zacharias’ classroom with Jean and Marco, smiling a bit when she crossed Levi in the hallway.

     »Look who’s smiling again!« Jean cheered. »Tough week?«

     [Name] just nodded. »Yeah, I had some things to deal with but I am fine now. The only thing left now is the last picture for the application. I already started to sketch it out and I will be finished in time.«

     »That sounds good,« Marco said and smiled. »So, I guess after the coming weekend you’ll be free again for some quality time with your fest friends?«

     »Of course. I missed you guys a lot, to be honest. The café is closed until Easter, so I will have a lot of time to spend with my two lovely friends.« They laughed.

     »[Last name],« she heard behind her and she turned around. Her heart stopped for a moment. It was Levi. »I need you for a moment, could you accompany me to my classroom? I already told Mike, it won’t take long.«

     »U-Uhm, of course, Mr. Ackerman,« she answered, »I am not in trouble, am I?«

     »No, I just need to talk some things over with you because of your last math exam. Now hurry, we don’t have all day.« He went ahead, [Name] following him as fast as she could. She didn’t fail her exam, did she?

     Once they reached his classroom, she already wanted to ask what was wrong but he cut her off by pressing his lips against hers. [Name]’s eyes widened in shock before she closed them. The kiss was short but sweet and passionate at the same time and when they parted, [Name] was left breathless.

     »I am sorry,« he whispered and embraced her, »I just felt the need to kiss you after seeing you smile at me in the hallway. Normally, I can control myself, I apologize.«

     »Don’t be sorry, I am not upset. But we’re in school, it shouldn’t happen again when we’re here. I will go back to literature class. I see you tomorrow.« She gave him a quick peck on the cheek and left his classroom.

     »[Name] [Last name], you will definitely be the death of me …«

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't resist to put a bit fluff at the end of the chapter qwq   
> And I've already said it in one of the comments but this story will get a sequel once we've reached the end. Originally, I planned for the story to end with an epilogue and a time skip but I had so many ideas for all the characters that I decided to write a sequel. The sequel will feature Levi and reader-chan as protagonists as well but I will focus on Erwin and the mess in his life, too.
> 
> Please leave a Kudos or a comment if you like the chapter ♥


	22. Panic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear readers, before we begin, I want to warn you. This chapter may be a trigger to you!  
> I want to say that the plot of this chapter is very personal. Some of you may know but I suffer from panic attacks and since I've just had one recently, I decided to put that in a chapter. This is my way of coping with that and I hope you can understand.
> 
> Panic attacks feel horrible. It is hard to describe but in the worst case, it just feels like you're dying. There's nothing good about them and they made my life a living hell but don't be worried, guys, I am doing fine right now.
> 
> Nevertheless, I hope you can enjoy the chapter even under the given circumstances ♥
> 
> The song I used this time is "I found myself" by Anna Clendening.

_I was broken, torn apart_

_Scars line my arms, on my sleeve I wore my heart_

_They remind me of what is real_

_No longer needing pain to feel_

_I found myself in a sea of busy places, in a world of blurry faces_

_I found myself, on the edge of insanity, I found, I found me_

_The American author Stephen King once said, »Monsters are real and ghosts are real, too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win.«_

 

 

     [Name] had been nervous for _days_ and she honestly didn’t know how to cope with this feeling anymore. The reason for it was the deadline for the application. She had driven her body to the point of sheer exhaustion the week before the final day just to submit the damn picture on time. But when the deadline was finally over, she couldn’t even relax. Her teachers had set a murderous exam plan for the week after the deadline. [Name] barely slept because of the amount of studying she had to do.

     Hanji had been really worried about her and wanted her to stay home for a day or two to catch up on sleep but after seeing [Name]’s timetable, she had to admit that it was downright impossible to just miss a single day. Since Hanji couldn’t be around her precious girl, she asked some of her other teachers to keep an eye on her to prevent her from collapsing again.

     When the final exam for a while was finally over, [Name] was close to passing out. She laid stretched out on a table in the cafeteria, only half conscious as her mind drifted off to sleep half of the time. Still, her nerves were at the verge of tearing apart.

     »[Name], are you alright?« Bertolt leaned down to check on her. Since Reiner and Annie were god knows where, he sat next to [Name], Marco and Jean across from them. None of them had enough sleep over the past few days but [Name] seemed to need it the most.

     »No … yes … I don’t know,« she mumbled drowsily, »I am just really tired somehow. How is that possible when I still feel so nervous about everything? I just want to take a nap … I could pass out right now and never wake up again …« She kept on babbling and Marco sighed.

     »Seriously, [Nickname], you need to take more care of yourself. How much sleep have you had the past week? And don’t lie to me, [Name].«

     She groaned. »I can’t tell you a concrete number but really not that much. I’ve been so stressed about all those exams I don’t think I slept more than two hours per night. How do you guys keep up with school work and sleep? I can hardly balance that.«

     Jean tapped her forehead. »Because we aren’t that obsessed with our grades, [Name].«

     »I get your point,« she murmured, lying her head back down, »two more days to go and then I will sleep the whole weekend. I won’t leave the bed until Monday morning, I swear.« [Name] was just really glad that her last class for the day would be math. It was not an easy subject but Levi would be there and the thought alone made her smile a bit.

 

✿✿✿

 

     Even if Levi was there and watched her out of the corner of his eye, [Name] began to feel really unwell towards the end of his class. She didn’t actually feel sick or like she would throw up but something just didn’t feel quite alright with her body. Or was it just her imagination? She really needed to take a good nap after school.

     When the bell finally rang, she sighed in relief. All the others were fast to leave the classroom as usual and since [Name] had always been the last to leave, no one suspected that she actually just wanted to have a word with Levi. She said goodbye to her friends and packed her things.

     But when she stood up, her heart suddenly picked up its speed and [Name] had to gasp for air. Her bag fell to the ground in the process and drew Levi’s attention towards her. Everyone had already left and he approached her with concern in his eyes. [Name] was clutching her chest and she was visibly shaking. »[Name], what’s wrong?«

     She was desperately trying to breathe it seemed and she was clutching her shirt really tight. Did she have a heart attack or something? No, she was way too young for that.

 

     [Name]’s world began to spin. There was something wrong with her but she couldn’t tell what. And that’s when it happened; hundreds of voices screamed in her head, anyone of them yelling at her. _Look at the calendar_ , one of them screamed, _it’s nearing, the date of mother’s car crash is nearing. Her death-day is nearing. She’s gone for one year now, she’s not here anymore, mom! Mom!_

_I’ll never be good enough for art school, I will get rejected, I will never be able to fulfil my dream, I don’t want to live a sad life just because I didn’t pour my heart into the works I’ve submitted! The letters will be sent soon, I don’t want to open them, I am so afraid, please, help me!_

_All of my friends will go to different schools and I might never see them again, you know what they say, university drives you apart and in five years from now we will be nothing but strangers! I don’t want that to happen, I love my friends, I don’t want to be lonely again!_

     _He will not love me anymore after I graduate, how could I ever think he had feelings for me? I am just a stupid kid he teaches and he has just some pity._

     She didn’t want that to be true. It wasn’t. He promised her.

_Who am I to think that someone could’ve fallen for me? Look at me, I am disgusting, look at all the scars, they make me look more unattractive than I already am, no one will be able to love me, I want to disappear!_

     She didn’t. She didn’t want to disappear.

     She couldn’t breathe. She felt so dizzy and her heart was feeling so heavy. She would die. She didn’t want to die. [Name] was hyperventilating and her eyes rolled back in her head. Levi was desperately trying to calm her down. He held her to his chest, fearing she would break if he let go of her. It was obvious that she was experiencing a full-blown panic attack. He didn’t want to know how awful she must be feeling. After hearing that she’d already had one before – even if it was just a minor one – he had done some research. And he had read that in the worst cases, a panic attack could feel like you were dying. »[Name], breathe, breathe with me,« he said as calmly as he could manage. Why didn’t anyone her them? He needed help! »I am here, [Name], you’re safe, you’re not alone, alright? We don’t have to stay here, [Name], just tell me if you want to go outside, I’ll take you anywhere you want.« He just recalled the list of things to say to a person experiencing a panic attack he’d found on the internet. He had to keep calm for her sake. »There is nothing to be afraid of, [Name], no one will harm you, I am here to help you. Breathe, please.« Did he just imagine it or were her lips turning blue from the lack of oxygen? »I will drive you home, okay? Does that sound good? Hanji will be there and I will make you some hot chocolate since she will just screw it up,« he didn’t know what to say anymore and just kept on babbling nonsense in between kisses to her hair and temple. It hurt so much to see the person you love endure something so horrible while you were completely helpless.

     »[Name], I love you. Breathe, you’re-« Her legs gave in and they sunk to the floor together.

 

 

     [Name]’s panic attack lasted for ten painful minutes. She was hanging limp in Levi’s arms, both of them still on the floor and Levi was really exhausted. Her body trembled really bad and he mumbled soothing words into her ear, placing soft kisses on every part of her skin he could reach. Her head rested on his shoulder and he held one of her hands tight in his own.

     Suddenly, the door opened. »Levi, have you forgotten the me-« Erwin’s eyes fell upon his colleague and the trembling bundle in his arms. It didn’t even take him three seconds to kneel beside Levi. »What happened? Oh God, she’s shaking really bad.«

     »It seems like she just had a really bad panic attack,« Levi explained, his voice sounding unusually tired, »she passed out on me because she started hyperventilating. Do you think we should call an ambulance?«

     Erwin moved her hair aside to have a proper look on her face. Her eyes were opened a bit and she actually tried to look at him. She was utterly spent and needed to rest. »She’s conscious, Levi but she doesn’t really seem to have come back to reality yet. This experience must’ve been traumatizing. But as far as I know, we won’t need an ambulance. I’ll give Hanji a call and then we’ll bring her home.«

     »Hanji’s … not home … yet,« [Name] mumbled, her consciousness slowly slipping away. She tried to explain that Hanji had some family business to deal with and wouldn’t be home before this evening. Erwin wanted to call her nonetheless since it was an emergency. He had a teacher’s meeting to attend, he would excuse Levi and explain the situation while the younger male would take [Name] with him to take care of her. And Levi would’ve rather died than leave her alone right now.

 

✿✿✿

 

     Levi was concerned that she weighted so little. He laid her on his bed and closed all the blinds to make the atmosphere as comfortable as possible for her. He thought for a moment after she curled up in his bed and laid down beside her. He had remembered something his mother used to do whenever he was stressed or sad.

     »[Name], come here for a moment,« he whispered and she opened her oh-so-tired eyes but did like she was asked to without questioning it. He enveloped her in his arms and made her lay her head on his stomach.

     »L-Levi, what?« she tried to ask but he just let his hands glide through the strands of her hair.

     »You know that the organs of the digestive system are in there, right? That’s why it’s warm. Plus, it is a vital point. And being close to someone’s vital points makes you feel safe.«

     At that point, [Name] was too tired to care about how strange it actually felt. She closed her eyes and mumbled something Levi couldn’t quite understand but before she drifted off to sleep, he swore he heard her mumble »I love you«.

     He stayed like that for a while longer, keeping his hand on [Name]’s head. He was tired himself but he knew that Erwin would drop by and he knew where the spare key was. It would be horrible if he would come upstairs to find his student in a position like that. Levi had felt so powerless earlier. All he could do was holding her. She had to endure this horrible panic attack for ten long minutes – though it had felt like several hours. He never wanted her to experience that again.

     Just when he was about to fall asleep, his phone on the nightstand vibrated. It was Erwin. Without moving her around too much, he laid her on the bed and pulled a blanket over her and gave her a kiss on the forehead before he went downstairs. Erwin pulled into the driveway when Levi reached the door.

 

     »Hanji won’t make it back tonight,« Erwin said after they had settled in the living room with a cup of tea. »She said that there was an accident on the street and it’s blocked until tomorrow morning. She is really worried about [Name]. She will drop by as soon as she can tomorrow to take her home.«

     »That’s fine, I don’t mind her spending the night here,« Levi said nonchalantly. Quite the opposite, he thought, but he couldn’t tell his friend. »She’s sleeping now and I’ll prepare something to eat once she wakes up.«

     »Thank you, Levi. I know that you’d rather be alone but I think it would be the best for [Name] to just let her stay here.« He sighed. »I know that a panic attack doesn’t actually need a trigger but I saw it coming, somehow. She’s been off lately. I am sure you noticed, too.«

     Levi just nodded. Of course, he noticed. He was the goddamn reason for it, after all.

     »Hanji said that she will call Dr. Jaeger.«

     »Wait, Eren’s father?« Levi’s eyes went wide with surprise and a bit of shock.

     »He will check on [Name] once he’s free. But don’t worry, she doesn’t need to be hospitalized as far as I’m concerned. Apparently, Eren told him about [Name]’s health condition, and he wants to help.« Erwin gulped his now cold tea down in one big sip. »I’ll take my leave. It’s getting pretty late and you should get some rest, too. I can’t even imagine how terrible this must’ve been for you, Levi. Make sure to sleep.«

 

     After Erwin left and Levi cleaned up, he went back to his bedroom as silently as possible, only to find [Name] snuggled into his cushions, awake. She greeted him with a tired smiled and he kneeled down in front of her, caressing her cheek and pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. »Sorry, did I wake you up?« he asked, quite apologetically.

     [Name] shook her head slightly. »No, I’ve been awake for a bit now. Is Erwin still here?«

     »No, he just went home. How are you feeling?«

     »Better,« she mumbled, closing her eyes under Levi’s touch, »but a bit strange. Weak. And my hands and legs are shaking really bad when I am moving. Is Hanji okay?«

     »There was an accident and the streets are blocked, so she won’t make it back tonight. She will pick you up tomorrow as soon as she returns. Do you want something to eat?«

     »I am not hungry.« There was something in her expression which made him worry. »I am sorry,« she whispered, »I’m just making all of you worry again … I am so sorry …«

     Levi sat on the mattress and brought her to his chest. »Listen, [Name], and listen well. There is nothing to apologize for. A panic attack can occur to anyone at any time and it must’ve been traumatizing for you. Whenever this happens again, call me. Ask if I am around when you’re at school, okay? I will be there for you. Never hesitate to call me if you’re not feeling alright. I don’t care what others might think. I love you.«

 

     That night, they slept in a tight embrace, [Name] listening to the steady beat of Levi’s heart while he had both arms wrapped around her fragile form, kissing the top of her head and whispering sweet nothings into her ear until they both slipped into a peaceful sleep, enjoying each other’s company and wishing that morning would never come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was very horrible to write and I thoughroughly apologize to all of you.  
> I hope you could enjoy yourselfs just a little and I promise to do better in the next chapter.
> 
> Please, leave a Kudos or a comment if you like it ♥


	23. Sweater

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am done with all my finals, now I am free! ... Well, at least until Sunday when I start working the whole summer. Why can't I ever get a break?
> 
> Thank you all for your massive support ♥ And I am so sorry for all of those who have suffered/still suffer from panic attacks. I know how horrible they can feel and how they affect your daily life and I want you to feel hugged and loved ♥
> 
> I actually really enjoyed writing this chapter. I've written it during my breaks from studying and it was very relaxing. I hopu you can enjoy yourselfs ♥

     They were rudely awoken by Hanji the next morning. Levi nearly yelled at her for ringing the doorbell like a maniac but when he saw her tearstained face, he just sighed and carried [Name] to her car since she was still sleeping peacefully. Levi returned to his bedroom after Hanji’s car could not be seen anymore, lying face down on his mattress and trying to remember the warmth of [Name]’s body against his, falling into a light, dreamless slumber.

     [Name] slept until Hanji came into her room to call her for lunch. She was really confused when she found herself alone in her room instead of Levi’s warm embrace and needed a moment to recall everything that had happened in the past twenty-four hours. Her mind was a complete mess. Had this all been a dream or something?

     But as soon as she sat down in the kitchen and realized it was actually Friday, she knew it wasn’t. Hanji was uncomfortably nice and caring towards her. [Name] could see that she had worried herself _sick_ after hearing about her panic attack. Hanji was pale and there were dark circles under her eyes. Her hair was even messier than usual and she seemed to be giddy – she must’ve been surviving on coffee for the last two days. [Name] felt the urge to apologize but refused to do so, even if she felt guilty for worrying Hanji so much.

     »Sweetheart, don’t get mad at me, but Dr. Jaeger will come by tomorrow to check on you,« Hanji said after they had eaten their lunch in silence and were now doing the dishes. »And I want you to take it easy for the day. Levi said you were utterly spent after having a panic attack. You don’t have to stay all by yourself in your room, we can play something in the living room if you want!« She gave [Name] a tired smile.

     »Hanji, don’t you think you should get some sleep? I’ll be fine on my own but you look like you’re about to pass out. A-And I am not mad at you, I could never be mad at you, Hanji. I-I am fine with that.« [Name] wanted nothing more than to lean back and think about absolutely nothing.

     Hanji turned around and grabbed [Name] by her shoulders. »Dear, I will not leave you alone right now. I am so glad that Levi was with you when you started panicking. God, I don’t want to imagine what would’ve happened if you were on your own. I freaked out after Erwin had told me and I am so sorry that I couldn’t get home fast enough to be there for you.« She pulled her into a hug. »Sweetie, I am so, so sorry. I left you alone, thinking everything would be alright, and then you suffer from something so horrible!«

     »Hanji, I need to breathe!« [Name] gasped. »Please, don’t cry. I don’t think you could’ve done anything to prevent me from having that panic attack. A-And Mr. Ackerman took good care of me, so don’t think about that anymore. Hanji, I am fine. Could we just not talk about it anymore? I feel really stressed about that.«

     Hanji immediately stepped back, nearly choking on a sob. »Sorry, sorry, forgive me … I just want you to rely on me. I feel responsible for you, [Name]. You’re my family, I care for you! I would never forgive myself if you were heavily injured or scared to death or whatever. I love you so much.«

     [Name] was quite taken aback by that statement. »Oh, Hanji,« she said, her eyes filling with tears of joy, »I love you, too. You’re the best.« Then, she flung her arms around her neck, never wanting to let Hanji go.

 

     In the afternoon, Jean and Marco dropped by after school to see how [Name] was doing. Apparently, Levi had called them after they had tried to reach her for over an hour. He had told them what exactly had happened and that she was asleep. [Name] assured them that she was doing fine and to please drop the topic because she didn’t really want to think about it anymore.

     Hanji urged them to play Monopoly together and they spent three hours playing two rounds – which [Name] surprisingly won. Mr. Berner visited them in the evening, shortly before Jean and Marco left. They refused Hanji’s invitation for dinner because they had planned to spend some quality time as a couple. Hanji gave them a knowing look and [Name] blushed horribly at the thought of it.

     »Once you’re in a relationship, you will get used to it,« Marco said and ruffled through her hair when they stood in the doorway.

     »But better get used to it now, I don’t know if our teachers can keep their voices down at night as to not disturb you.« Jean laughed and Marco slapped his arm playfully, while [Name] wanted to melt into a puddle of shame and embarrassment on the floor. But at the same time, she couldn’t help but think about how it would be when she was with Levi. Kissing him was no problem – but she was still too shy to let him kiss her with his tongue. Would they have sex when their relationship was legal?

     To be honest, [Name] was afraid of any intimate actions. She was prude, simply because she wasn’t that aware of her own body. Just the thought of touching herself was a bit frightening and so far, she never felt the urge to do so. Would she feel different when she’d be in a relationship with the person she loved and trusted?

 

✿✿✿

 

     As promised, Dr. Jaeger dropped by the next morning. To [Name]’s surprise, he had brought Eren with him. »Hey, [Name],« he said, hugging her gently after she had opened the door.

     »Eren, what are you doing here?« she asked. She was happy to see him but why did he want to accompany his father to one of his teacher’s houses?

     »You know, I am really worried. And Mikasa and Armin are, too. Horseface told us what happened and after I heard that my dad wanted to check on you, I asked if I could come with him. I hope, you’re okay with it.« [Name] led them to the living room where Hanji was already waiting. Eren’s father wanted to have a word with her first before checking on his son’s friend.

     [Name] and Eren sat down on the sofa. »No, no, I don’t mind. I am actually happy to see you. I figured that company makes me feel calm and safe the most.«

     Eren grinned. »That’s great! Oh, I have-«

     »[Name],« Dr. Jaeger interrupted the conversation, »you can continue chatting afterwards if Ms. Zoe allows so but I would like us to have a bit more privacy if that’s okay for you.«

     She just nodded and led him to her room upstairs. He made her sit down on her bed and questioned her for a few minutes before he started with some standard check-ups. After he was done, he wanted her to do some blood tests in the next few days to check if she didn’t lack any vitamins or minerals.

     »I already heard about your therapy sessions with Mr. Smith,« Dr. Jaeger said and sat beside her on the mattress, »and to prevent you from awfully high costs, I would suggest you to continue talking to him. A friend of mine is a psychologist and he will talk to your teacher about how to help you.« He paused for a moment. »Now, if that happens again, I want you to know what to do. Who was with you when the attack kicked in?«

     »L-, uhm, Mr. Ackerman,« she corrected herself in the last moment, blushing a little. She couldn’t address her teacher with his first name in front of anyone else.

     »That’s good. [Name], if it should happen again, look for someone you’re comfortable with. I know it can happen anytime – but I beg for you to not experience something like this again,« [Name] had to explain every detail of the attack she could remember, »you should call someone or wait until the attack is over and then find someone you trust. Should it happen during school again, reach out for a teacher, most likely Mr. Ackerman. Even if it happens in the middle of the night, call for Hanji. Just make sure you’re not alone, [Name].«

     »Thank you for the advice, Dr. Jaeger. And thank you for worrying about me, I really appreciate that. Though I feel really uncomfortable with all that attention I’m getting.« [Name] sighed heavily and stood up. For the first time this day, Dr. Jaeger realised just how small and fragile she was for her age. »We should go back down.«

 

     The moment [Name] and Dr. Jaeger came back to the living room, Eren made her sit down next to him and showed her a bag with the biggest grin he could muster. The rather large plastic bag looked like it would burst any moment and [Name] took it curiously. She opened it. »Eren, why are a bunch of sweaters in there?« she asked, both happy and confused.

     »Well, you see, I overheard my dad talking to Ms. Zoe on the phone and asked him what happened. After I heard that you had a panic attack, I called Armin to ask him what we could do to tell you that we all care about you and while I was still talking to him in the late afternoon, Marco and horseface-«

     »Could you please not call Jean that?«

     »Yeah, yeah, whatever, so, they came by, saying that they wanted to give you some sweaters because you love them so much, especially if they’re not yours. And since I would accompany dad to see you, I took them with me to give them to you,« Eren finished explaining.

     »Oh my God, I love you all so much!« [Name] threw her arms around Eren’s neck to hug him and he was happy to hug her back. »Thank you,« she whispered into his ear.

     »Shall we have a look at them?« he asked happily, glad that she liked the idea. »The one on top is actually mine but it’s too small for me. Mom wanted me to throw it away anyway so you can keep that one if you want to.« Eren’s sweater was green, the colour already beginning to fade. The next one was dark red and [Name] knew who it belonged to before she even asked.

     »This one’s from Mikasa,« he said and [Name] chuckled, »she said that it is extra fluffy and will keep you warm or something like that, I don’t exactly remember what she said. Oh, and I am sure you will know who this belongs to!«

     It was most likely the biggest sweater in the bag and [Name] smiled when she recognized the smell of it. It was one of Bertolt’s sweaters. »I know what I will sleep with tonight.«

     Eren laughed and pointed at a navy-blue sweater. »This one’s from Armin and I should tell you that he’ll call you later on. He was really worried after hearing what happened.«

     [Name]’s stomach dropped. »I am sorry that I called none of you,« she suddenly felt really guilty, »I just completely forgot it …«

     »Nah, don’t worry, [Nickname], the only thing that is important now, is that you’re okay.« He put a hand on her shoulder. »You shouldn’t feel guilty about that, none of us is mad, we understand. The next two are from Annie and Historia, though I can’t remember which one belongs to whom.«

     [Name] held two sweaters in her hands; one was pink and the other one was beige. She could imagine that the pink one was from Historia but she said nothing and just smiled. They wouldn’t be that big since Annie, Historia and herself shared nearly the same height but she was happy nonetheless. She had most likely the most awesome friends in the whole world.

     The next two sweaters were pretty familiar to [Name]. »Those are from Jean and Marco,« she said and grazed the fabric with her fingertips, »I can’t remember how often I already wore them.«

     Eren grinned. »These two are from Connie and Sasha. You should check if they’re clean, though. And this one should be from Ymir. I am surprised that she was even willing to give you one of her sweaters. Though I suppose she added a lot of her usual comments when Marco came to her house.«

     »She sure will never change,« [Name] sighed, putting Ymir’s grey sweater next to the others. »But I know that she cares about us. She’s not evil or something. She’s just … Ymir.«

     »Yep, you’re right. This must be Reiner’s, can’t imagine someone else this thing would fit. But I honestly don’t know who the last one belongs to.« Eren pointed at the last sweater in the bag. It was a black sweater and unlike some of the others, it was neatly folded. [Name] took it and immediately noticed that it must’ve been freshly washed. The fabric was wonderfully soft to the touch and smelled nice and clean.

     »Somehow, it smells familiar but I can’t quite tell, why,« she murmured and unfolded the garment.

     »Hm,« Eren put one of his fingers on his chin, »judging from the size, it could either be Armin’s or  Connie’s …«

     »We’re taking our leave, Eren.« Eren’s father came into the living room. He must’ve talked to Hanji in the kitchen. Eren hugged [Name] before they left and Hanji helped her to bring all those sweaters to her room. She immediately changed into one of them, taking the black sweater she didn’t know who it belonged to. It was a bit big but not that much and it smelled so nice it was almost frightening. But she honestly couldn’t care less.

     Erwin dropped by at lunchtime and cooked a meal for the three of them and then spent the afternoon playing board and card games with [Name] and Hanji. [Name] occasionally got texts and calls from her friends and she had to assure anyone that she was doing fine.

     It was already late in the evening, when Marco finally answered her texts. She was already lying in bed, still wearing the comfy sweater.

 

     _Marco: › Sorry, I forgot my phone at home! I am so glad that you liked our little surprise. How are you doing? ‹_

_Me: › I loved it, Marco. And I am fine, just please, drop the subject. I had to talk about it more than I wanted to. But thank you for your concern, I love you_ _♥_ _‹_

_Marco: › Anything for you_ _♥_ _Actually, the whole thing was Mr. Ackerman’s idea. When he called to tell me what happened, he suggested to bring you some sweaters because you loved them so much. ‹_

 

     [Name] needed a moment to process the words she was reading before a loving smile found its way onto her lips. Now she knew why the scent of the sweater was so familiar.

 

     _Me: › I need to thank him. Sleep well, Marco_ _♥_ _‹_

_Marco: › You too, [Nickname]_ _♥_ _‹_

 

     Although it was really late, she decided to let Levi know how much she appreciated his wonderful idea and the sweater he gave her. She texted him and put her phone aside, before falling asleep.

 

_Me: › Thank you so much for the sweater, I will wash it and give it back to you, I promise. And thank you for everything you have done for me. Thank you for being there for me when I needed you the most. I am sorry for not texting you earlier, I was really out of it, somehow. I don’t know what I would do without you. Forgive me if I delete the texts I am sending you but I cannot risk this. I love you too much to lose you. Sleep well_ _♥_ _‹_

 

_Levi: › You can keep the sweater, it’s a gift. And I love you more than you can ever imagine, [Name]. Sleep well. ‹_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who guessed right? ;)  
> I am really, really looking forward to the next chapter since I wanted to write it ever since I started planning the story. Sorry for Levi not playing a main part but don't worry, he will come back to the main stage soon :)
> 
> Please leave a Kudos or a comment if you like it ♥ Have a great week! ♥


	24. Dad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 300 KUDOS! ♥♥♥   
> You guys can't believe how happy I am. Thank you all so, so much for your massive support, for all your comments and all your kind words. But mostly I want to thank all of you for being yourselves. We never met and we probably never will but I feel closer to you than most of the people around me. You guys are amazing and you deserve the best this cruel world has to offer.
> 
> I hope you can enjoy this chapter, I really love it ♥
> 
> The song is "Dad" from Neele Ternes.

_There goes a day, there goes a week_

_So many goals I had to reach_

_The more I did, the less I cared_

_The more I miss the love you shared_

_If life is a song, somehow it`s sad_

_I don`t know the words without you dad_

_You`ve been on my mind all the time_

_And I'm missing you_

_Home used to be just some walls that I knew_

_But the truth is that home means nothing without you_

_I once read, »Not being biologically related to a child doesn't make you any less of a parent. Being a real parent isn't in the DNA, it's in the heart.« And I couldn’t think of something else that was so true._

 

 

     [Name] would’ve done everything to spend Sunday with Levi but that would be way too obvious even for someone like Hanji. After waking up, she checked her phone and immediately texted Levi back. They texted each other for quite a while before [Name] finally decided to get up and dress. It was only then she realized that it was already around lunchtime and she wondered why Hanji hadn’t come to her room to wake her yet.

     When she went downstairs she immediately understood why Hanji hadn’t come to her room yet. She smiled a bit to herself when she heard her giggle in the kitchen. She peered through the door, seeing her standing near the stove with Moblit attached to her back, his arms wrapped around her waist. He was most likely kissing her neck and [Name] blushed at the thought before she entered the kitchen silently.

     »Oh, good morning, dear!« Hanji cheered, still giggling. »I thought I would let you sleep in and wake you before lunch was ready. But you have come just in time, sit down!« Hanji wiggled herself free from her boyfriend’s grasp, ushering [Name] to a chair so she didn’t attempt to help her or something. Hanji really appreciated [Name]’s help in the household and with the cooking but for once, she just wanted to pamper her as much as possible.

     Moblit placed the plate in front of her with a smile on his face before the two sat down as well. »You missed an incredible experiment on Friday, [Name],« he said shortly after they had started eating, »you would’ve enjoyed it. It was about pyrotechnics.«

     »That means you actually did fireworks during class and I was stuck at home? Now I’m jealous,« [Name] pouted. She had looked forward to that lesson ever since Hanji had announced it at the beginning of the year and then she had to stay home and rest. »I miss out on everything important.«

     Moblit and Hanji chuckled. »Don’t worry, we can do it again next lesson. Your classmates wouldn’t mind, I think. They enjoyed the experiment quite a lot.«

     »Yahoo, so I get a chance to do it myself, that is gonna be so fun!« Hanji cheered. Since she’d stayed home on Friday to look after [Name], Moblit had held her lessons alone. »So, what are we up to this afternoon? Do you want to go on a walk, [Name]?«

     »Hanji, you don’t have to stick along just because of me, I am pretty sure you had already planned something. I don’t want to ruin your couple-time. Don’t worry about me, I am sure that I’ll be fine on my own for a few hours.« [Name] tried it with a smile but Hanji’s gaze was unusually stern.

     »Dear, you know that I trust you and I am well aware that you are an adult of eighteen years. But what happened to you on Thursday while I was away is something I will never be able to forgive myself. I know that someday I’ll have to let you go but that day is definitely not today. Dr. Jaeger talked to me about the risks of having a panic attack. You could develop a generalized anxiety disorder and that will only lead to more panic attacks. I just don’t want to leave you on your own.«

     »And you don’t ruin our couple-time,« Moblit spoke after [Name] just kept staring on her plate, »maybe it’s inappropriate to say that but I really like you, [Name]. And I am just as worried about you as everyone else. I know that you don’t like to hear that but it’s the truth. We care, [Name].«

     A sigh escaped her lips. »I hate it when you all worry about me,« she whispered, »I just want to be normal. And you all have done so much for me that I just want you two to be happy without me sticking along all the time.«

     Before Hanji could answer, she heard her phone ring. She went out of the room.

     »I can understand you, [Name], really. But without you, Hanji and I would probably not be together now. You’re the one who has done a lot for me and I will do everything possible to repay you.« He hesitated before he went on. »You know, when I was your age – probably a bit younger – I had panic attacks, too. And I can tell you, they were horrible. I was in therapy for a while and I was even put on medication because it was so bad. I don’t want you to go through that, [Name]. Because that can ruin you forever. Fortunately, I hadn’t had an attack in nearly nine years now and I am quite happy, as you can see.« He grinned at Hanji who was talking to whoever was on the phone in the living room.

     [Name] stared at him with wide eyes. She certainly didn’t know that. She felt pathetic. »I’m sorry,« she whispered but Moblit just offered her a warm smile.

     »I believe a lot of people have already told you but there’s nothing to feel sorry about, [Name].«

     Hanji came back to the kitchen and smiled when she sat back down to continue her now cold lunch. »It was Erwin,« she said, »he wanted to know if we wanted to drop by this afternoon. He wants to see you, dear.«

     »What did you tell him?« [Name] looked up. »I mean, I would love to see him, too.«

     »Since I am well aware of the fact that you want me to enjoy myself a bit, I said that I will bring you to his place. I think you two have quite some things to talk about which require a bit more privacy and you don’t have to feel guilty anymore.«

     »Hanji, you’re seriously the best.«

     She giggled. »I know.«

 

✿✿✿

 

     »[Name], I am so happy to see you,« Erwin said with a big grin on his face and nearly crushed the small girl in his bone-breaking hug. [Name] gasped for air which didn’t go unnoticed by Erwin and he let go of her, apologizing for not controlling himself. He led her inside his flat, offering her something to drink. [Name] sat down on the sofa in the living room and she smiled a bit to herself when she realized that she could look at the attached garden Erwin seemed to take good care of.

     »How have you been, [Name]?« he asked when he came back from the kitchen with two glasses of juice. »A friend of Dr. Jaeger called me yesterday but I know that you probably don’t want to talk about it right now. How was your weekend? I heard that you beat Hanji at Monopoly.«

     [Name] giggled. »Yes, I did. She was really frustrated after she lost two rounds in one afternoon.«

     »That’s why none of us plays that game with her anymore. She’s usually not a sore loser but Monopoly makes her – scary.« Erwin took a sip from his glass. »Anyway, there’s something I wanted to ask you. You mentioned a boy a few weeks before. I know, it’s a personal matter and if you don’t want to tell me I am totally fine with it. But are you on good terms with him? Are you less scared now?«

     A melancholic smile grazed her features. »You know, ever since the very first memory I have, I was always afraid of what might come. But yes, I am not that scared anymore. No one can be sure of the day we can finally be together but I just wish for us to be happy.«

     He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her into a hug. »That’s good to hear, [Name]. I was actually quite concerned about that topic. I know too well how it is to be young and in love.«

     »That’s the first time I ever had so strong feelings for someone since my mother passed away.«

     »[Name], you don’t have to talk about that right now.«

     »But I want to,« she said, nuzzling into the hug and hiding her face in his chest, »I want to talk about it. I have to talk about it. It’s eating me away and I feel ungrateful if I just never speak about my mom. And you are the closest thing to a father I have ever had in my entire life. You don’t have to say anything, I just want you to listen.«

     Every time [Name] mentioned that he’s like a father figure for her, his chest swelled with immense pride. Oh, he would’ve loved to have children. He would have loved to call his daughter his princess and to pamper her and he would’ve loved to teach her everything he knew. And if he would’ve had a boy he would’ve done the same. But he was thirty now and he was still intrigued by his very first crush – there was no way he would ever be a father. Having [Name] in his arms and being able to be so close to her, was most likely the best feeling ever. It felt like family.

     »My mother was a great woman. You may know that she had me when she was only sixteen. She was thrown out by my grandparents but my mother decided that she didn’t need their help because she wanted to keep me. She never really told me what happened while she was pregnant but I think that my father’s parents helped her after he had cheated on her. She worked as a waitress and when she got married, we moved to this town. My mother went back to school – that’s where she met Hanji. My stepfather wasn’t a really nice man. He was nice to my mother but he didn’t really like me. They got a divorce because of that, I think but I never really asked. I didn’t like him and was happy that he wasn’t around anymore. My mother was an artist but she never got a chance to apply for art school. And she always wanted me to follow my dreams no matter how small or big they might be. She taught me to appreciate the little things in life and to see beauty in everyone and everything. She taught me how to love. And I miss her.«

     »It is natural to miss someone you love, [Name]. That’s human.« Erwin didn’t know what else to say. [Name] didn’t cry, she just sat there, her face still buried in his shirt.

 

     [Name] changed the topic after about ten minutes and Erwin was happy that the tense silence was gone. They kept on chatting about God knows what and didn’t realize how late it was getting. They were only interrupted when [Name]’s phone began ringing. She looked at the display and her eyes widened; it was Levi.

     »U-Uhm, excuse me, please, I have to answer that call,« she said awkwardly and excused herself to the kitchen, making sure Erwin couldn’t hear her – or at least wouldn’t figure out to whom she was talking. »Levi,« she whispered, »your timing is horrible.«

     »Sorry,« he said, »where are you?«

     »I am at Erwin’s. But I don’t think he can hear me. Did something happen? Are you alright?« There was concern in her voice – Levi never called her.

     »No, no, I am good, don’t worry. I just wanted to – to hear your voice, that’s all. I missed you, somehow. Funny, I used to sleep alone for the last six years and then I have the privilege of holding you for one night and all I want to do is having you by my side every night.«

     [Name] chuckled in embarrassment. »I didn’t know you could be so sweet. But I – I miss you, too. It was pretty lonely at night, I admit that. I didn’t think you could get attached to something like that so quickly.«

     »Believe me, that’s easy. Anyway, I’ll … call you later. When you’re home. But only if you want to, I mean.«

     »I-I would love that, really,« she said. »I can call you once I’m home, if that’s alright.«

     She heard a silent chuckle. »I already told you that you can call me whenever you want. I’ll hear from you later, then. I love you, [Name].«

     »I love you, too.«

 

     [Name] went back to the living room with a shy smile on her face and sat back down on the sofa. »Thank you for listening earlier,« she simply said. »If you should have children one day, they’ll have the best father ever. I really wish you were my dad.«

     »Family is not always blood-related, [Name]. As for me, it feels like having a daughter when I am with you. Sorry if that sounds weird.« She was already eighteen, Erwin thought. There were twelve years between them, he couldn’t even adopt her if he wanted.

     »I always wanted a father in my life,« she said quietly, »thanks for allowing me to be a part of your life, Erwin.«

 

✿✿✿

 

     It was very late in the afternoon when Hanji and Moblit picked [Name] up and drove home. She was beyond tired but she still wanted to talk to Levi. [Name] excused herself to her room, saying that she wasn’t hungry. But the moment she looked at her phone to dial Levi’s number, she saw a message on her display.

 

_Armin: › I need to talk to you, [Name]. Could we meet this week? It’s important. ‹_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a Kudos or a comment if you like it ♥
> 
> And guys, there's something I need to tell you ... During the last few weeks of writing this story, studying for exams and other stuff, I didn't really notice it but I fell in love with a professor of mine. Well, at least he was until a week ago, he is now at a different university. So, I am basically in the position of the reader only that I probably will never have the guts to tell him ...
> 
> Anyway, have a nice week ♥


	25. Tender

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new week, a new chapter! Thank you for all your kind words. It makes me so happy that you approve of papa Erwin, he is our sweetheart ♥ I actually have planned his own story through for the sequel that will follow, I hope you want to read on!
> 
> Please, enjoy the chapter. It turned out to be a bit of a filler but I think you'll quite like the end of it ;)

     Was it really Friday again? [Name] sighed when the bell finally rang. Hanji finished her wild explanations and told them to read the next chapter until next week before hurrying off to wash her sooty face.

     »Weekend!« she heard Reiner cheer and smiled a bit to herself. The week hadn’t been bad. She had planned Jean’s birthday party together with some others for this Sunday and had a great time with the girls. The only thing she didn’t have time for was talking to Armin. He didn’t want to discuss the matter on the phone and since both of them had been too busy for meeting one another, she still didn’t know what he wanted to talk about.

     »I’ll pick you up at seven tomorrow, then,« Jean grinned, »that will be the best birthday ever, I swear!« He hugged [Name] before reaching for Marco’s hand.

     »Oh, it definitely will,« [Name] smirked and waved them goodbye before picking up her bag. She stepped through the door when someone grabbed her upper arm. [Name] flinched, quickly turning around, only to exhale in relief when she saw Armin with an apologetic look on his face.

     »Sorry, sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,« he said awkwardly, visibly embarrassed by his bold action, »I just wanted to know if you’re free now.«

     »I am seeing Mr. Smith now but after that I am free,« she said and smiled.

     »Would you like to grab something to drink then talk?« he asked. »I didn’t forget but we were both busy the whole week so I didn’t want to bother you. Meet me in front of the library after you’ve finished your talk with Mr. Smith?«

     [Name] nodded. »We’ll be done in an hour, I think. See you later!« And then, she hurried off to Mr. Smith’s classroom.

 

✿✿✿

 

     The hour went by slower than [Name] thought. Dr. Jaeger didn’t lie when he said that one of his friends would talk to Mr. Smith about some treatment methods. After half an hour of processing a long list of questions, both Erwin and [Name] were too exhausted to continue. Instead, they just sat there and listened to some music, before [Name] bid him goodbye and went downstairs to the library where Armin was already waiting for her. They left the school grounds and went to a lovely café near the park. They ordered after they sat down.

     »So,« [Name] began, taking a sip from her beverage, »what did you want to ask me? I see that it is bothering you and judging from your text last Sunday, it must be important for you.«

     Armin laughed awkwardly and rubbed his neck in embarrassment. »Ah, well, you know,« he stuttered, »I wanted to know … I mean, I wanted to ask …« He sighed. [Name] patiently waited for him to re-collect himself.

     Armin took a deep breath. »[Name], you know that prom is in two months and I wanted to know if you – perhaps – want to go with me. N-Not as a date, I mean as friends. I just – I don’t know where that courage came from, I apologize for the most indecent prom invitation ever.« He was flustered and embarrassed but the sight was actually very cute.

     But her smile was quite sad. »That’s really sweet of you, Armin, but … I didn’t intend to go in the first place. I should be the one apologizing.«

     Armin’s eyes went wide. »But why?« he blurted out. »You only have one prom night in your entire life, you know.«

     »I know that,« she sighed, »but I can’t afford a dress at the moment. And I really don’t want to be the girl who’s made fun of because she attends prom with some jeans and a sweater.«

     Armin reached out for her hands and took them into his. [Name] looked at his stern expression with surprise. »There has to be a way to avoid that, [Name]. There are shops which sell cheaper dresses but they’re still very beautiful. Besides, you would look good in anything.«

     She blushed at his words. »Armin,« she said with a melancholic expression grazing her features, »I am the last person who would look good in a dress.«

     »What are you even talking about?« He sounded quite irritated. »You are beautiful.«

     »I am not. But thank you.« It was always the same. Whenever someone would tell her that she looked pretty or beautiful, she would feel sad because she knew she wasn’t. Even Levi couldn’t get through that cold act and she always said the same whenever he would tell her how beautiful she was. [Name] didn’t like the reflection the mirror was showing her. She didn’t feel too fat or anything but she just didn’t see herself as beautiful.

     Armin sighed again. »Listen, [Name], you’re important for me so please, don’t just say you won’t go. You don’t have to go with me but don’t just stay at home. We all would miss you a lot.«

     Seeing Armin so serious about that made her heart clench. She really didn’t plan to go to prom but she didn’t want to turn him down right now. »This has nothing to do with you, Armin, I am happy that you considered asking me, to be honest.« She sighed. »It’s just, I don’t like those events, there’ll be too many people and the music will be way too loud and I would rather stay in bed than put some stupid make-up on and make a fool out of myself because I can’t dance. But I’ll do it for you if you still want to go with me.«

     Armin’s eyes lit up. »Is that a yes then?«

     [Name] hesitated for a moment. »Yes, it is.«

 

     Armin was so delighted to hear her say yes that he missed the pained expression on [Name]’s face. She didn’t even really know why she had such a problem to attend her own prom, she just knew that she had one. Or a few. First of all, the dress. It was true that there were enough stores which sold dresses she could easily afford and Hanji probably already had some of them in mind but she was so uncomfortable wearing dresses. Especially since all of the prom dresses she had seen were sleeveless.

     Second, she could not dance. Especially not if she was forced to wear heels and _God_ , the last thing she wanted to wear were shoes she could not move in. Did she overthink the whole thing?

     She watched Armin while he slowly emptied his juice, his eyes shining brighter than the sun because she would go to prom with him. She smiled a bit to herself as those thoughts crossed her mind. Maybe it wouldn’t be that bad. And as soon as prom was over, she would graduate. _Then she could be with Levi_.

     Her heart picked up its speed and she blushed. In two months, everything would be over – she would not be his student anymore and it would be legal for them to date. And she honestly couldn’t wait for that day. She was so in love with him it really hurt.

 

✿✿✿

 

     After [Name] and Armin exchanged their goodbyes, she decided to take a walk through the park before going home. It was still early and the weather was nice and warm. The trees had begun blossoming lately and it was a really beautiful sight. The city slowly came back to life after the long winter and [Name] let the warm sun shine on her face after she sat down on one of the park benches under a couple of blooming cherry trees.

     She closed her eyes and let the wind blow through her hair. The breeze was nice and she could’ve sat like that for hours.

     »[Name]?«

     She opened her eyes and had to blink a few times before she recognized the person right in front her. »Oh, Bertolt. What are you doing here?«

 

     Bertolt and [Name] sat next to each other in silence after Bertl had told her that he tried to ask Annie to prom but she had turned him down. [Name] felt bad for him – he was crushing on Annie really hard and she didn’t even acknowledge his efforts and his sweetness. But turning him down when he asked if she wanted to come to prom with him was just downright rude. As far as [Name] was concerned, Annie wasn’t seeing anyone and even if, Reiner would’ve found out and at least told Bertolt about that.

     »Armin asked me to go to prom with him earlier,« she finally said absentmindedly.

     »Really? That’s so wonderful to hear, [Name].« Bertolt’s smile faltered when he looked at her. »You seem sad about it. Do you have any reason? Did something happen?«

     [Name] shook her head. »No, that’s not it. I didn’t really want to go in the first place.«

     Bertolt put a hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him to see him smile. »Believe me, I can relate to that very well. We’re both not the type to enjoy events like those. But prom is magical, they say. You’ll make memories you won’t ever forget. And I would love to see you in a dress, [Name]. I am sure that you would look stunning.«

     [Name] just groaned and buried her face in her hands. »Why does everyone keep saying that?«

     Bertolt chuckled. »Because it’s the truth. I know that you don’t see yourself as beautiful when you look in the mirror. It’s the same for me, I don’t really like who I am.«

      She looked at him with wide eyes. Bertolt was a bit shy, that much was true, but she never thought of him like someone having the same issues with his self-esteem as her. Someone his height must be self-confident, right? But she was wrong. Everyone had flaws. But she was overly aware of them, much more than others and she didn’t even know when she started hating herself so much. Her eyes began to burn.

     »You hate yourself too much, you know that, right?« he spoke softly, patting her back while she held in her sobs. »You are amazingly adorable, [Name]. And I say that as someone who sees you as a good friend and nothing more. Just if you think that it needs more feelings for me to see you like that. Listen, [Name], if you could see yourself through someone else’s eyes, you would think differently. And for prom, just wear something you’re absolutely comfortable with and enjoy the evening with your friends. Finals and graduation will kill us soon enough, you’ll see.«

     This made [Name] laugh. »Thank you, Bertl. I appreciate your effort but I think I need time.«

     »Of course. I just wanted to let you know what I think.«

     She stood up. »Don’t give up on Annie, yet. You’re so sweet, I don’t even know why she turned you down. I don’t think she’ll beat you up like Reiner.« [Name] gave him a kiss on the cheek. »I have to go now. See you on Monday!«

 

✿✿✿

 

     Levi sneezed. Damn, he couldn’t distinguish if it was hay fever or a cold. He didn’t feel alright for the past few days but now his head was buzzing awfully, his eyes were watering and his nose was blocked. Luckily it was Friday and he had two whole days to just sleep and get better.

     Well, at least that’s what he thought. When the doorbell rang, he groaned in annoyance. Who the fuck would want something from him on a Friday evening? He was about to yell at whoever disturbed his evening when he saw [Name] standing on the doorstep. He blinked a few times. »W-What are you doing here?« he asked, completely puzzled, before he stepped aside to let her in.

     »I-I hope I am not bothering you or anything but I wanted to see you,« she said sheepishly and took her shoes off. Levi handed her a pair of slippers and led her into the living room. »The day has been pretty eventful and I sort of wanted to talk to you about it.«

     »You could’ve called me, you know,« he said and raised one of his brows. [Name] was kneading her hands in her lap, her gaze glued to the carpet under her feet. »Not like I’m not happy to have you here, [Name].« He kissed her cheek, not wanting to get her sick just in case he did catch a cold.

     She smiled a bit. »Armin asked me to prom earlier and I said yes. But we’re only going as friends, I promise.«

     »Were you bothered that I could be mad at you?« He sighed and pulled her into his lap, his buzzing head resting on her shoulder. »We’re not even dating though I really love you, [Name]. You can do whatever you want, remember? But judging from the look on your face there is something else bothering you. Tell me.«

     [Name] sighed and told him about how insecure she felt, how she saw herself in the mirror and how anxious she was. Levi listened silently while she explained what was going through her head, trying to understand how she was feeling. It was a bit hard with his head hurting that much. When she ended, he didn’t say anything. He just hugged her tight to his chest, placing a light kiss on the skin of her neck.

     »I am telling you this as a man, [Name]. Not as your teacher, not as your lover, not as your friend – you are beautiful, [Name] [Last Name], amazing, intelligent, and special. You are so beautiful and I am not only talking about your looks. You have a beautiful personality and a beautiful heart. And that makes you so special.« He nuzzled his nose into her cheek. »And I am honoured that I am loved by you. I am glad that a man like me has the privilege of holding someone so precious dear to me.«

     »I love you, Levi,« she said and turned so she could look at him. »You mean so much to me.«

 

     They sat on the sofa a little bit longer, Levi occasionally dozing off before [Name] had to go home for dinner. She gave him a quick peck at the doorstep and waved him goodbye before hurrying off. Levi closed the door behind him, lying down on his bed, glad that she had come by to visit him.

     He loved her. More than anything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately, we're slowly reachng the end of this story. But as I said, I want to write a sequel and I have so many ideas already, hopefully I can start working on the sequel as soon as this story will reach its end.
> 
> Please, leave a Kudos or a comment fi you like it! I am always so happy to read your comments, thank you all so much ♥


	26. Caring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's something I wanted to say at the beginning of this chapter but I forgot it ... Well, a thank you never hurt anybody, so thank you all! Dear readers, you make me so incredibly happy. Being able to write this story for you is the greatest gift in my life. Thank you for your support and for not abandoning me. I love you all so much and I really wished I could meet you in person one day to thank each of you with a hug for simply existing. You all are awesome. ♥
> 
> Please enjoy this fluffy chapter to the fullest.
> 
> The song I used this time is 'Never Gonna Be Alone' by Nickelback. (One of my favourite bands.)

_You're never gonna be alone!_

_From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go,_

_I won't let you fall,_

_You're never gonna be alone!_

_I'll hold you 'till the hurt is gone._

_Nick Cannon once said, »Nobody can predict the future. You just have to give your all to the relationship you're in and do your best to take care of your partner, communicate and give them every last drop of love you have. I think one of the most important things in a relationship is caring for your significant other through good times and bad.«_

 

 

     After a very funny but tiring weekend, [Name] sat on her chair in Mr. Smith’s class half asleep but she wasn’t the only one. Jean’s birthday party had been great but they were out too long for a Sunday night and neither of them had slept enough. [Name] put her head on her desk and closed her eyes for just a bit while Mr. Smith wrote something on the blackboard. She dozed off within seconds.

     She was asleep for a good ten minutes before someone poked her arm with a pencil. »[Name], wake up!« someone hissed and she shot up straight, nearly falling onto the floor if Mr. Smith didn’t catch her. Eren next to her sighed and shook his head while the others in the room where laughing.

     »I-I’m sorry, Mr. Smith,« she stuttered, cheeks flushed red. She didn’t intend to fall asleep in his class but she was so tired. »I didn’t do it on purpose.«

     Mr. Smith chuckled and sat her upright. »I know you didn’t. I am not even mad and since half of the class seems to be asleep, I suppose that my class is really boring.«

     »Ah, that’s not quite true,« said Jean, his ears were tinted pink, »it’s my fault we’re all so tired, we celebrated my birthday yesterday and we were out for too long.«

     »I appreciate your honesty, Jean,« said Mr. Smith and smiled, »I am glad that my class isn’t just downright boring. Now that everyone is awake, we can continue.«

     After the class had ended, [Name] felt a bit more refreshed and hoped that she wouldn’t fall asleep in Mr. Zacharias’ class again.

     The day went by without her noticing, that she hadn’t met Levi in the hallway as usual. [Name] went home and straight to bed and since she didn’t have any homework to do, she could sleep in peace.

 

     It was on Tuesday morning when she realized that something wasn’t exactly right. Her assumptions were right when she saw Mr. Bozard sitting in Mr. Ackerman’s classroom and her thoughts were instantly running wild. Did something happen to Levi? She didn’t write him yesterday because she was so tired but she regretted doing so and sat down with an aching stomach.

     To her relief, Armin asked where their teacher was. »He called in sick yesterday morning,« Mr. Bozard explained. »I’ll be his substitute until he ret-« He bit his tongue and the whole class sighed. That happened a lot and for no reason.

     [Name] leaned back in her chair and looked out of the window while Marco and Historia tried to stop their teacher from choking on his own blood. She didn’t really pay attention to Levi’s condition on Friday but he did seem a bit out of it. She cursed in her thoughts. If she had paid better attention to him she would’ve noticed. She could’ve returned the favour for taking care of her when she wasn’t feeling alright!

     She groaned and let her head fall on her desk. What would he think of her for not writing him? Maybe he thought that she lost interest. Oh God, now she felt sick.

     »Hey, don’t bruise that pretty head of yours,« Reiner said and patted her shoulder, »shouldn’t you be relieved that Ackerman isn’t here today? You always seemed off when you saw him. But I suppose Bozard isn’t the better choice, his teaching is quite shitty.«

     [Name] looked at him with a tired smile. »Ah, yeah, I would prefer Mr. Ackerman over Mr. Bozard. I, uh, don’t like his teaching methods as well, even if Mr. Ackerman makes everything seem more complicated than it is.« She just hoped that he would buy it.

     Reiner grinned. »That’s my [Name]. Always taking a challenge when facing it.«

     The class seemed to go on for all eternity and when there were just ten more minutes left, [Name] was lying face down on her table, not even bothering to listen to Mr. Bozard’s words anymore. He apparently had no idea what he was supposed to do and let them just do some exercises which [Name] finished quite quickly. The world was spinning. She felt so guilty and sick for not calling Levi or writing, she felt guilty because she didn’t notice him not feeling well on Friday. She didn’t deserve him. He was way too good for her and she was so selfish. [Name] nearly started crying.

     When the bell rang, [Name] snapped out of her thoughts and gathered her things. Usually, she was the last to leave the classroom, today she was one of the first. She hurried to the nearest bathroom and locked herself in a cubicle. She pressed on Levi’s name on her phone, holding it to her ear and trying to calm down. She had to speak to him or she would go insane.

     »This is Levi,« she heard that monotonous voice she knew so well and her heart skipped a beat.

     »Le-,« she started but was interrupted.

     »Apparently, I cannot answer your shitty call so say what you have to say and hope that I call you back. Or wait, no, I won’t call back.« _Mailbox_. [Name] lowered her phone, suddenly feeling the urge to throw up because of how sick she felt. She kneeled down and pressed a hand to her mouth, closing her eyes and taking a few deep breaths. He was okay, she forced herself to think, maybe he was just sleeping.

     Still not feeling alright, she left the girls’ bathroom and went to her next class, hoping to find a distraction there.

 

✿✿✿

 

     The day went by painfully slow and to [Name]’s frustration, she couldn’t find a good distraction. During Hanji’s lesson she messed up the experiment, causing the liquids to explode and Hanji sent both, her and Armin, to the school nurse because they burned their hands. Armin wanted to know if she was alright and [Name] thoroughly apologized for not paying attention and hurting him.

    Armin felt that something was bothering her but he did not want to put more pressure on her and just assured her that he was alright and that it wasn’t her fault alone.

     When [Name] finally sat beside Hanji in her car, she leaned back and closed her eyes. She needed to calm down immediately, if her heart would beat any faster, she would die. »Hanji,« she began slowly and carefully selecting her words, »did you know that Levi called in sick yesterday morning? Mr. Bozard held his class today.«

     Hanji’s eyes went wide. »No, I didn’t know,« she said in disbelief, »I usually don’t see him during my regular hours so I didn’t even notice. Oh my God, I am worried now. Shorty never gets sick.«

     That certainly didn’t help [Name] to calm down. If anything, she just felt more nervous and sick than before. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat while her thoughts were running wild. He didn’t respond to her numerous texts and he didn’t call her back, what if he had been hospitalized? Oh my God, did he have a serious disease he didn’t tell her about? No, no, that couldn’t be, Hanji would know that, wouldn’t she? [Name] felt like throwing up.

     »I might give him a visit later. Since he’s never sick, he’ll probably need help or something. He wouldn’t call in sick if it wasn’t really serious. Oh God, sweetheart, are you alright?«

     [Name] was shockingly pale by now and she pressed a hand to her mouth and the other to her stomach to prevent actually throwing up. They came home a few moments later and [Name] hurried towards the bathroom. To her relief, the contents of her stomach stayed where they belonged.

     »Are you alright? Was it because of my driving?« Hanji asked concerned.

     [Name] shook her head. »No, no, I might have eaten something wrong earlier, I am fine now. Do you still want to visit Levi in the afternoon?«

     Hanji made her sit down and handed her a glass of water. »Yes, I feel that I have to. Normally, he can take very good care of himself but since he never gets sick, I think he’s lying in bed and dying or something.« [Name] choked on that comment. »Seriously, darling, don’t you want to lie down a bit?«

     »No, I am fine, I just choked on a sip of water. Uhm, Hanji, when you’re visiting him in the afternoon, may I accompany you? I feel the need to help since he’s taken good care of me when I collapsed,« she casually offered, hoping not to sound too obvious.

     But Hanji just smiled. »Oh, you’re so kind, [Name], how can I even say no to a face like that? Let’s eat something and then go check on Levi. Should we prepare chicken soup or something?«

 

     An hour later, Hanji and [Name] arrived at Levi’s house. After standing outside for five minutes and receiving no answer, Hanji grabbed the spare key Levi left under a flowerpot and let them in. Levi was nowhere to be found but Hanji immediately noticed that it was messy inside – at least for Levi’s standards. While she started to clean up, she told [Name] to look for Levi upstairs since he would most likely get less mad if it was her and not Hanji barging into his room.

     [Name] surely was uncomfortable to freely move around but she was so worried that she didn’t think twice about taking the stairs and heading to Levi’s bedroom. But when she found herself just outside said bedroom, she got anxious again. Was he even here? What if he was in the hospital? She gulped and slowly opened the door.

     Levi was lying in bed, breathing heavily through his mouth. His eyes were closed and his brows furrowed, raven locks soaked and plastered to his fevered face as he slept. She was as silent as a human being could possibly be while she made her way to Levi’s bed. His breath was heavy and unsteady and even in the dark of his room, [Name] could see his unhealthy red cheeks. She slowly ran a hand through his hair and immediately noticed that he was _burning_. Although she was a bit relieved that it _just_ seemed to be a really bad cold, she still was worried.

     [Name] left his room as silent as she entered it and went downstairs to get a bowl with cold water and a rag to cool him down a little. Hanji was still in the living room, picking up several used tissues, muttering to herself. She didn’t even notice [Name] as she went back upstairs.

 

     Back in his room, [Name] kneeled down beside the bed, not wanting to wake Levi up. But when she began to tap the cold rag along his features, his eyes slowly cracked open.

     »Sorry, did I wake you up?« she whispered with an apologetic smile on her face. She continued to drag the rag along his feverishly hot skin.

     He blinked a few times, confusion written all over his face. »What’re you doing here?« came his slurred reply. He tried to get up but realized he had absolutely no strength.

     »I am here with Hanji,« she said and sat on the mattress since her knees had started to hurt, »she got worried after I told her that you had called in sick yesterday and she decided to look after you.«

     »Is she downstairs?« he asked and his voice was so raspy, that [Name] thought about how much it must hurt him to speak.

     She nodded. »Yes. But why didn’t you text me? I was pretty shocked that Mr. Bozard held your class today. And when he told us that you’re sick, I nearly had a heart attack. I thought you were hospitalized or something.« She felt herself tearing up.

     Levi noticed and reached out to touch her cheek, his arm shaking violently. »I am so sorry …«

     [Name] sobbed and shook her head. »I am just glad it is nothing serious. Though your fever seems to be really bad. Are you hungry? Or thirsty?«

     »Could you bring me some tea, please?«

     [Name] smiled and nodded before she placed a kiss on his burning cheek. She went downstairs again, this time finding Hanji in the kitchen where she had already turned the kettle on. »Oh, sweetheart, there you are. How’s Shorty?«

     »He has a really bad fever. Do you know if he keeps any meds here? I doubt he’ll ever get better without any of them.« [Name] took a cup and a teabag. She placed the cup on the counter before adding the teabag and the hot water.

     »He was never really fond of them,« Hanji sighed, »so I don’t think that he has any meds here. Can you stay here while I get something from the chemist’s? There’s one nearby. I’ll be back in fifteen minutes, I promise.«

     »Don’t worry, Hanji, we’ll be fine.«

 

✿✿✿

 

     After [Name] went back upstairs she noticed that Levi had fallen sound asleep. She placed the cup on his nightstand with a small smile grazing her features. She dipped the rag back into the bowl and wrung it out before placing it on Levi’s forehead. He groaned in his sleep, his breathing still heavy. [Name] felt sorry for him. She knew how unpleasant it felt to be so sick that one couldn’t even move and it must’ve been even worse for Levi since he had such a strong and independent personality.

     She ran her hand through his still-soaked locks absentmindedly, patiently waiting for Hanji to come back with something that would help him recover quickly. When she heard the front door open, she stood up, not wanting Hanji to find her caressing her sleeping teacher’s features. She came into the room as quiet as possible and placed the meds next to the cup on the nightstand before they went back home.

 

     Levi’s sleep didn’t last long. Half an hour after [Name] and Hanji left, he was rudely awoken by a violent coughing fit which left him gasping for air. He found the meds and took one of the pills with a disgusted look on his face. His head was spinning awfully but since he couldn’t sleep anymore, he checked his phone. And his eyes widened.

 

_[Name]: Levi, the results are out._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was actually so relaxing and nice to write this chapter and let Levi be the one recieving for once. I really hope you enjoyed reading! (Especially my dear friend Sofia I dedicate this lovely chapter to ♥)
> 
> See you all next week! ♥


	27. Sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is so late here and I am so tired ... And I nearly forgot to upload, I am so sorry.  
> Anyway, so what happened in this chapter basically happened to a friend of mine and he allowed me to use it for the story, all the love to him! ♥ I am actually sad that this story is reaching its end ... There will be a total of 30 chapters, then we move on to the sequel.  
> Thank you for staying with me and for your patience and your support, I love all of you ♥♥
> 
> Please, enjoy reading the chapter!
> 
> The song I used is "To my parents" from Anna Clendening.

_I'm sorry mom and dad_

_I know I've messed up bad_

_I should've, should've done, should've done better_

_I'm sorry mom and dad_

_For all the time I had_

_To get my life, to get my life together_

_But I didn't_

_»How do I say the words, ‘I’m sorry’ when I know that words are not enough? And how can I ask you to forgive me when I know I can’t forgive myself?« Unknown_

 

 

     Hanji and [Name] sat at the kitchen table, both of them staring at the five crispy white envelopes lying there. If [Name] thought she felt sick before, she had been so wrong. Because her stomach was revolting and she wasn’t sure if she was about to faint or just throw up – though she really preferred it to be the first one since she absolutely hated throwing up.

     Hanji looked from the envelopes back at [Name]’s pale face without saying a word. After they had come home, Hanji had taken the post inside after she had forgotten it before lunch. And now there they were – [Name] hadn’t moved an inch since Hanji said that the results from the art schools were out and she was actually really worried that the girl would just fall off her chair.

     »Sweetheart,« she finally said, breaking the uncomfortable silence, »don’t you want to open them? Or should I open them for you?«

     If possible, [Name]’s face just grew whiter. »N-No,« she choked out, suddenly feeling a gigantic wave of nausea washing over her. She didn’t want to. She didn’t want her worst nightmares to come true. As long as she didn’t open the envelops, there was still hope left for her to be accepted into art school. Her thoughts were running wild and Hanji – God bless her beautiful soul – wasn’t helping her at all. Her hands started shaking and she suddenly felt really hot and cold at the same time. Hanji immediately noticed the chances in [Name]’s behaviour but as she got up to help her, something snapped inside [Name].

     Her eyes went wide and she jumped up, her whole body shaking by now. She couldn’t take it anymore, she had to get out of here immediately. And so, she ran. [Name] wasn’t even thinking about what she was doing. She ran out of the kitchen and out of the house. She didn’t even hear Hanji screaming after her. [Name] ran down the street, not really knowing where she even went.

     Her mind went blank. The fear, the nervousness, the sickness, everything seemed gone as long as she was able to move her legs and get far away from everything. She was so scared. Her thoughts were a mess. She wanted to disappear.

 

     After about fifteen minutes, she was spent. She was coughing and gasping for air as her legs finally gave out. She fell to the ground, supporting herself on her shaking arms while trying to normalize her breathing. But as soon as she had calmed down a bit, the tears began flowing down her cheeks. She was lost. Completely and entirely lost. She didn’t know how far she was away from home and the sun was already setting. And to make everything even more worse, she didn’t even take her phone with her.

     Now she was sitting there on the dirty ground, her knees and hands scraped and crying for all she was worth. What had even gotten into her? Why did she run away from Hanji who was just trying to be there for her? Why couldn’t she do anything _right_? Why was her body doing things she didn’t want it to do? [Name] felt pathetic.

     Her crying attracted a lot of attention but she honestly didn’t care anymore. It was a dangerous thing, indifference. Someone could take her away without anyone being concerned about it. But luck was on [Name]’s side this time.

     Nanaba was about to close their shop for the day when they heard noises outside. As soon as they opened the door, they were sure someone was crying. Without even thinking twice about it, they headed towards the noise, not even getting rid of their stained apron. It didn’t take them long to find the source of the crying and Nanaba nearly sprinted towards [Name] when they recognized her features.

     »[Name]!« they gasped out and kneeled down beside her. »What in the world happened?«

     [Name] nearly choked on a sob as Nanaba put a protective arm over her shoulder. She sniffed and tried to speak without sobbing but she failed. Nanaba made her stand up and gripped her tightly so she wouldn’t fall and brought her to the flower shop they owned.

 

     »Sit down and take a deep breath, [Name],« they advised after closing the door behind them. [Name] sat on a stool near the counter, still trying to stop the tears and sobs escaping her throat. Nanaba hurried to get the girl a glass of water, sitting down next to her after she had calmed down. They let their fingers run through the girl’s locks with a concerned look on their face.

     »I am so sorry for the inconveniences I’ve caused,« she sniffed, her voice hoarse from crying, »I-I lost my cool.«

     »Oh, please, you don’t have to worry about that. I am just glad that you’re not hurt or anything, [Name]. What happened anyway? Did you get in a fight with Hanji?«

     »No, no, we didn’t fight. The letters from the universities I applied to arrived today and I just downright freaked out. I panicked because of what could be written there and I-I ran away.«

     »Oh, dear,« Nanaba sighed and kept comforting the girl by running their fingers through her hair. »Hanji must be looking for you. Wait here for a moment, I’ll give her a quick call so she knows where you are and that you’re alright. Try to relax, okay?«

     Nanaba got up and grabbed their phone to call Hanji while [Name] took a few deep breaths. It was easier to relax between all those beautiful and nice-smelling flowers.

     Just when she managed to calm down completely, she heard some footsteps on the stairs, most likely leading to Nanaba’s apartment. »Nanaba, dinner’s-,« Mike blinked upon seeing one of his students sitting in the midst of all those flowers, »[Name], what are you doing here?«

     [Name] had completely forgotten that Nanaba and her literature teacher were a couple. »M-Mr. Zacharias, I was, I mean … you know,« she stuttered, suddenly very ashamed of herself.

     Nanaba came back that very moment, explaining the whole story to Mike who seemed very understanding, making [Name] feel less embarrassed. »You know, I had outbursts like that, too,« he said, leaning on the counter while they were waiting for Hanji to pick [Name] up, »I used to be really scared of what the future was holding.«

     »What changed that?« That question slipped out of her mouth before she could even think twice about it. She looked up at her teacher with wonderous eyes.

     Mike smiled a bit and looked at Nanaba. They were watering some flowers. »I met Nanaba. They gave me something I desperately needed in my life.« Mike paused to glimpse back at his student who was still looking at him. »Love.«

 

✿✿✿

 

     »[Name]!« Hanji arrived just five minutes later, completely out of breath and tears and snot streaming down her cheeks and upper lip. »I was so worried about you!«

     Without thinking, [Name] jumped up, knocking down the chair she’d been sitting on in the process, and nearly flung herself at Hanji, throwing her arms around her neck. Hanji immediately caught on to it, wrapping her own arms so tightly around [Name] that Nanaba feared that she would crush the tiny girl.

     »I am so sorry for running away,« [Name] sobbed, »I don’t even know what I was thinking.«

     Hanji cried just as hard. »I am just so grateful that you’re okay. I would never forgive myself if something would happen to you!«

     Mike and Nanaba just stood aside and smiled at each other. It was wonderful how much [Name] and Hanji loved and cared for each other. Nanaba let their hand slide into Mike’s who squeezed it lightly. Love, Mike thought, was something everyone desperately needed in their lives.

 

     Ten minutes later, Hanji and [Name] were back home. Both of their faces were red and their eyes puffy and quite swollen from crying. Moblit approached them as fast as he could and pulled [Name] into a hug as soon as she exited from the car.

     The three of them went back inside. »I am so sorry,« [Name] apologized for the hundredth time that day, »I will never do that again, I promise. I don’t know what has gotten into me.« She felt really bad. Hanji was unusually pale and seemed so tired that both, [Name] and Moblit, feared that she would pass out any moment.

     »Oh, honey, just don’t get me that worried again. I don’t think my heart could take that,« Hanji said with a tired smile and pressed a kiss to [Name]’s temple. »I brought the envelopes to your room. Take your time, sweetheart, okay? Just tell us if you need company or something, we’ll be here in the living room.«

 

✿✿✿

 

     As soon as she was in her room, she turned some music on and sat on her bed where the envelops were. She looked at them and closed her eyes. There was nothing to fear, right?

     Her phone buzzed. [Name] opened her eyes and looked around for it, finding it on her desk. Her stomach dropped.

 

_Levi: [Name], I’m awake. Have you opened the envelops yet?_

_Levi: Please, answer me, everything will be alright._

_Three missed calls_

_Levi: Shit, [Name], answer your phone! Is Hanji at home? What happened, please, tell me, you’re really scaring the shit out of me!_

_Levi: [Name] [Last name], I fucking swear, if you do something to yourself I will be really pissed!_

_Levi: [Name], where the fuck have you run off to?! Hanji told me that you freaked out and ran away! God, please!_

_Levi: WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!_

_Five missed calls_

 

     She immediately called him back. Hanji had called him, she thought. He must be so angry with her, she was really scared. Would he shout at her? Would he call her stupid and leave her life for good? Would he-

     »Where the fuck have you been?!« he yelled and [Name] flinched. »God, do you know how fucking worried I was? You didn’t respond to my texts, you didn’t answer my calls and then I get a call from a crying Hanji, saying something about you having run away! I don’t even want to think about what could’ve happened to you! God, [Name], how could you do something so stupid?!« His voice cracked, his throat must hurt like hell, she thought and she felt so guilty her stomach actually began hurting really bad. Levi took a few deep breaths. »[Name], I was so worried about you. Don’t ever do that again, do you understand? Shit, I am dizzy.« She heard him flopping down.

     She honestly didn’t know what to say. She felt so pathetic that she couldn’t even apologize anymore. Both of them were silent. »I am sorry,« [Name] finally whispered. »I don’t even know how to defend myself because I don’t really know why I did that. I am so sorry, Levi.«

     »I am mad at you and I want you to know that,« he said, »but I love you. And damn, [Name], don’t ever scare me like that again. I thought you would do something you’ll regret. Or worse, someone else could’ve laid his dirty hands on you and-,« he was interrupted by a violent coughing fit.

     »Please, lay back down, you need to rest,« she said. She was the reason he got out of bed with a terrible fever instead of resting to get better. She was a horrible person.

     »Don’t. Don’t think about something like that, you’re a wonderful person.«

     »How did you … Can you read minds over the phone or something?« It actually made her laugh a bit and she wiped the tears away.

     »Your thoughts are so loud, I can hear them,« he answered. »So, do you want to open those fucking envelopes so they won’t trigger something similar anymore?«

     »Would you stay on the phone while I open them?«

 

     Of course, he would. [Name] put him on speaker before opening every envelope, taking the letters out and placing all five of them in front of her.

     »Ready?« she heard Levi’s voice and immediately felt better. Just a bit but she felt better. [Name] carefully unfolded the first letter, reading through it. A knot was starting to form in her throat.

     »Rejected,« she mumbled, feeling fear taking her over again.

     »Next one,« Levi said in a calm voice. [Name] wished he could actually hold her hand right now. She read through the next one, the knot in her throat only getting tighter. Levi didn’t even have to hear the word both of them feared so much to know that she got rejected by four schools so far.

     »I am really scared to open the last letter,« she cried quietly. »Levi, I can’t.«

     »Yes, you can.« His voice was firm. »Open it and read it, [Name].«

     With shaking hands and her tears blurring her vision, she took the last letter and carefully opened it. And she began crying so hard that Levi jumped. »[Name], I know that it hurts,« he began but she didn’t let him finish.

      »No,« she said, »no, I got accepted.«

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mike and Nanaba are so precious and so are Hanji and Moblit and dear Levi ♥  
> It is not my favourite chapter but the next chapters will be sad and fluffy and ... urgh, I can't wait to write them down! ♥
> 
> Take care of yourselves and have a nice week ♥


	28. Mom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the delay of the chapter! The internet went out yesterday just as I was about to upload the next chapter. Luckily, the thunderstorm is over and I got up early to post the chapter before work. I am really sorry, guys!  
> So, this one is definitely one of my favourites. I warn you, though, the end is a bit sad ...
> 
> Have fun reading! ♥

     As May went by, prom drew nearer. [Name] still wasn’t too happy about the idea of actually attending it but she didn’t want to disappoint her friends and especially Armin one more time. Armin, in fact, was pretty nervous about the whole prom-thing. He awkwardly asked her about the floral arrangement for his suit and a matching one for her wrist and offered to pick her up.

     [Name] was impressed by that, actually. She told him that she had to pick a dress first before she would tell him about the floral arrangement and they agreed that Hanji and Moblit would take them to their school gym where the prom would be held since Armin didn’t have a driver’s license yet.

     A lot of events and studying prevented [Name] from seeing Levi, though. Since they could only meet on weekends, they were limited to two days and Hanji, Moblit, Erwin and all of her friends sure kept her busy. So, the only times they actually saw each other was during his math lessons. [Name] desperately waited for term to end. The distance between her and Levi was almost unbearable and she missed him though he wasn’t really that far away.

 

     »[Name]!« Hanji came back one Saturday after sleeping at Moblit’s place. »We’re going shopping this afternoon!«

     [Name] blinked a few times in confusion. »Shopping? For what? I remember doing the shopping just two days ago. Do you need anything?« She was sitting on the sofa with her history book on her lap.

     Hanji sighed but chuckled afterwards, sitting down on the other end of the sofa. »Oh, dear, you know exactly what I am up to, don’t you? Call the girls and we’re all going shopping for your prom dresses today. Prom is only two weeks away now, isn’t it?«

     [Name] sighed heavily. There it was, the all too familiar grim reminder. Two weeks full of exams and breakdowns followed by prom night and graduation. How did the time go by so incredibly fast? The last month seemed to go by so incredibly slow, [Name] nearly went insane. And now, here she was, sitting on the sofa with Hanji grinning at her like a maniac and demanding she called her friends so they could buy their prom dresses.

     »Look,« Hanji began after [Name] hadn’t given her a response, »I know that you don’t really want to attend prom but you will enjoy it once you’re there, believe me. And yes, finals are keeping all of you guys pretty busy but you’re allowed to relax for just one afternoon. Okay? We’ll have something to drink, we will laugh and then go and try on dresses. I am sure you will find something beautiful and comfortable. Come on, then!«

 

✿✿✿

 

     It took [Name] a bit to call the girls but all of them were happy to be able to take a break from studying and since they’d already agreed to try on dresses together, they were delighted to finally get that done. Hanji and [Name] met them at the mall and they went to a small café before actually getting to the fitting. Historia had a very concrete idea of what her dress would look like while the other girls were a little bit more relaxed about that matter. Since Ymir wanted Historia’s dress to be a surprise for her, she didn’t join the group. And [Name] seriously couldn’t imagine her in a dress, either.

     »Have you thought about your dress already, [Name]?« Historia asked after she had finished her smoothie. »I am sure you would look lovely in baby pink or pastel blue.«

     »Uhm, well, I don’t really care about the colour, I would just like to have a dress with long sleeves.« She fidgeted a bit with the sleeves of Levi’s sweater. She had texted him about how unwell she felt to pick a dress for prom and he told her that there would be nothing to be ashamed about. She would not quite believe him and he knew that but it made her relax at least a little bit.

     Hanji set down her empty glass. »Alright, girls, you ready to get all out on fancy dresses?«

 

     [Name] wanted to reply with a no but she said nothing instead and followed her friends to a lovely shop nearby where the dresses weren’t that expensive. While the others found something they’d like to try on quite fast, [Name] was struggling. None of the dresses apparently had long sleeves and she didn’t want to ruin her appearance with a blazer for prom night.

     She was staring at a long black dress when someone poked her. »You never told us who you’re going with, [Name],« Historia asked with a big smile on her face, carrying four dresses at once to a cabin nearby. »So, who’s the lucky one?«

     »Armin asked me a while ago,« she said, »and since I already know who you’re going with, what about you, Mikasa?«

     Mikasa froze in place and Sasha started giggling. »Mikasa asked Eren.«

     [Name] had to bite back a laugh. Everyone knew about Mikasa’s crush on Eren – well, everyone except Eren. Since [Name] had gotten to know him better, she knew he wasn’t even doing it on purpose. He was completely oblivious about Mikasa’s feelings and saw her more as a sister than a potential love interest.

     »I hope that dork said yes,« said Annie who seemed to have found some dresses she wanted to try on as well.

     Mikasa didn’t turn around when she answered, »He did.« She closed the curtain behind her, changing into the first dress.

     »Then you should buy something in blue or green,« [Name] mumbled absentmindedly while skimming through the dresses, »to match his eyes.«

     »Who are you going with, Annie?« Historia asked further, clearly too enthusiastic about the whole prom-thing.

     Annie sighed heavily. »I am going with Bertolt since Reiner wouldn’t stop pleading that I’d accept his invitation. He can be happy I haven’t broken any of his bones because of how persistent he was.«

     [Name] turned around to face her. »But Bertl is really nice, Annie.«

     »I know that. I just don’t want to give him the wrong impression. Don’t think I didn’t notice all of your effortless tries to hook us up. I am simply not interested in dating someone. At least at the moment.«

     [Name] blinked a few times, not really believing the words she just heard. So, Annie did actually care about the feelings of others – maybe not Reiner’s but clearly Bertolt’s. She smiled while she continued to skim through the dresses, not finding anything she ever wanted to try on. While Hanji made herself comfortable on a chair, [Name] began thinking. She wasn’t dating Levi at the moment, was she? They were in love with each other but not dating, right?

     The last kiss they exchanged was the day Armin asked her to prom and that was roughly two months ago. It would be really nice to finally be able to officially date him. She really wanted to just walk down the streets holding hands with him.

 

     »Okay, girls, I want to see you in some dresses today!« [Name] was pulled out of her thoughts by Hanji. »You’ll all try on different dresses and I want to see all of them, okay? Yes, darling, you too.«

     [Name] groaned but was shoved into a cabin by Sasha and Hanji handed her a few dresses. To [Name]’s horror, all of them were sleeveless. And so, the dread began. Her friends and Hanji made her try on at least fifty different dresses, all of them different colours, shapes and lengths. Some of them had straps, some didn’t, some had sleeves but none of them were reaching her wrists and she was just downright uncomfortable and frustrated with any of the dresses.

     »I am going to prom with a sweater and some jeans,« [Name] said after she had tried on the last dress Hanji had picked. She was so exhausted that she had to sit down. Annie, Mikasa, Sasha and Historia all found something they wanted to wear and had already paid. They were equally frustrated since they could understand [Name]’s struggles. Historia was currently talking to one of the shop assistants about the problem they were having.

     »No, you won’t, darling. I understand that you don’t want to let your scars show but some of the dresses looked really great on you. Sure, they would look even better without a blazer or something similar but that’s the choice you have.«

     »I really didn’t like any of the dresses you made me try on, guys, I am sorry.« The frustrated look on her face was proof enough. »I’ll be better off with a normal attire. Though I feel really sorry for Armin. Maybe I should tell him that I won’t go so he can ask someone else.«

     Her words were followed by a rather harsh slap on her head. »Ow! Mikasa, what was that for?«

     »You won’t ditch Armin, you have to promise me. He wanted to ask you to prom and he gathered all of his courage to do that. He’s been bragging about nothing else for the past few weeks because he is so happy and nervous to have you as his prom date. It would break his heart and I won’t allow you to do that. Do you understand me?«

     Mikasa could be scary as hell if she wanted to. And up to now, [Name] had always believed that she was just so overprotective when it came to Eren.

     »I,« [Name] swallowed, »I promise.«

 

     »Excuse me, miss,« said the shop assistant Historia was talking to, »your friend told me about the situation you’re in and I think we have a solution for that. There’s a specific dress which came to my mind we currently don’t have up here but if you would give me ten minutes, I would go into our store and get it for you.«

     »Thanks for the kind offer,« Hanji said before [Name] could even think about denying. The shop assistant hurried off with a happy smile and [Name] groaned. She had had enough from the fitting. She looked at her phone – they had been in here for two hours now.

     It took the shop assistant longer than expected to find the dress she wanted [Name] to try on. After about twenty minutes she returned, apologizing that she needed too much time and gave the girl the dress she was speaking about.

     [Name] carefully unfolded the fabric and looked at the dress with wide eyes. It was beautiful. And it had long sleeves. They weren’t completely see-through and had a beautiful flower pattern on it. The length was also to her liking, the dress falling just a bit over her knees. She actually liked what she saw in the mirror.

     When she stepped out of the cabin, Hanji’s smile grew brighter than ever. »Oh my God, you look so beautiful in that dress!« she squealed. »And it’s exactly to your liking, isn’t it?«

     [Name] nodded in agreement. »I actually really like my appearance in the mirror,« she admitted.

     »Jahoo! Okay, we’re taking that dress, alright? I am starving.«

 

     After they got home, [Name] put the dress in her wardrobe, fighting the urge to send Levi a picture. She wanted it to be a surprise for him even if he wasn’t her date. She felt a bit silly but he didn’t seem to mind and was just happy that she had found something she was comfortable with.

     While she laid in her bed, she was thinking. Her finals would start next week and after her prom she would graduate from High School. She would begin a new period of her life. She would leave old things behind. She would most likely make new friends in university. She could be with Levi. But something was still missing.

 

✿✿✿

 

     She walked along the path of pebbles, the wind softly brushing through her hair. She had a single red rose in her hand. Even if it was Sunday, Nanaba was kind enough to give her one of the roses so she wouldn’t come with empty hands. It’d been a while since she was here the last time.

     [Name] never really liked the atmosphere of cemeteries, they made her feel sad and somehow really lonely. It was very quiet, just a few old couples looking after the graves of their late relatives. She reached the grave she was looking for and put the rose down. »Hello, mum,« she whispered, »I’m sorry that it’s been so long.«

     She sat down in front of the tombstone, the tears starting to run down her cheeks. »It’s been a year already, since you’re gone,« she quietly continued, »and I still miss you so much. I am so sorry that I didn’t come here more often to visit you but it’s so hard to face the reality that you’re gone. Sorry for being such an ungrateful daughter. But I love you so much, mum, I love you so much it hurts to think about you.« She sobbed. »A lot has happened since you’re gone. I was so lost that I nearly ruined my entire life. But there are so many great people in my life, they helped me to get on the right path again. Do you remember my history teacher Mr. Smith? He’s like a father to me and I love him so much. Without him, I would probably be dead by now. And I moved in with Hanji, so she doesn’t drown in her filth. I love her so much, mum, you sure knew how to pick good friends. And my friends are so awesome, I hardly deserve them after pushing their help away for so long.« The sadness was making it hard to breathe. »A-And I fell in love with someone. I don’t know what you would think about it but it’s wrong. And yet it feels so right. He’s kind to me and assured me that he loves me, too. He’s great, mum. But I am so afraid of what the future will hold. I know that you told me I should follow my dreams and that I shouldn’t be afraid but I am. Oh God, I am so scared, mum. I will graduate in two weeks and I got accepted into art school. But I am still scared. And you’re not here to hug me anymore. Sometimes I wish I would wake up to find out that everything has been a dream. That you would stand in the kitchen making breakfast in that ugly apron you always wore. That you would greet me when I come home and that we would laugh together like we used to. But I know that everything is so painfully real and that you’re gone forever. Mum, I miss you so much.«

 

     [Name] didn’t know how long she sat there and cried until she finally stopped sobbing. She stood up and looked at the tombstone with the name of her mother written on it.

     Someone put a hand on her shoulder but [Name] didn’t even flinch. »I knew you would be here today,« said Hanji in a calm voice but [Name] was sure that she had been crying. »I miss her, too.«

     »Hanji?«

     »Hm?«

     »I love you.«

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was legitimately crying while I wrote this chapter. And I feel so bad for taking the reader's mother away in this story, I apologize. And I also apologize for the lack of her during the story but I figured that it would be bad to constantly remind the reader about the loss.  
> So, I hope you can forgive me.
> 
> See you next week, guys ♥


	29. Dance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Folks, again, I am so sorry for what happened last week. But still thank you for the lovely comments I received! And sadly, this will be the penultimate chapter of the story ... I tried to add as much as possible and give reader-chan and her friends a happy end before moving on with Levi.
> 
> But read it and enjoy yourselves! ♥

     _Finally_. After two nerve-wrecking weeks full of tears and near panic attacks, full of stress and sleeplessness, full of frustration and swears, finals were over. [Name] could hardly believe it when she woke up on Saturday morning to sunshine and a cloudless sky and with the thought that the worst was finally over. For the first time in a while, she just laid in her bed and didn’t bother to get up any time soon because she had to go nowhere in the next few hours. [Name] checked her phone for any new messages.

 

_Marco: Good morning, sunshine_ _♥_ _I can’t wait to see you in your prom dress tonight_ _♥_

 

     [Name] smiled. Marco was always so sweet and she was actually a bit excited to wear her prom dress tonight. During her exams, she had actually found the time to practice walking on heels, though her shoes had low heels. She had also tried to walk on higher heels but she just fell over.

     After about half an hour, [Name] finally decided to get up and dress for the day. After all, Hanji wanted her to go to the hairdresser because she was apparently the worst hair-stylist one could find. The messy ponytail she always wore was the only thing Hanji actually managed to do. Since Hanji was one of the teachers to supervise the whole thing, she would join [Name] at the hairdresser to look decent for tonight’s events.

     When she went downstairs, she was greeted by the smell of coffee, accompanied by giggles. Hanji was leaning against the counter, her hands on Moblit’s shoulders while he held her by her waist and kissed her deeply. [Name] coughed slightly to make herself audible.

     They parted and flashed [Name] a bright smile. »Good morning, sunshine!« Hanji cheered. »Sit down, breakfast is ready. Did you sleep well?«

     »Good morning,« Moblit said and poured himself and Hanji a mug of coffee.

     »Morning,« said [Name] with a smile, »and yes, I slept really well. I feel so much better now that finals are over. I really thought I would be going crazy if the huge pressure continued.«

     Moblit and Hanji sat down at the table and they started eating. »Are you ready for your big night, [Name]? Hanji wouldn’t tell me about your dress since she wants it to be a surprise for everyone.« Moblit laughed a bit while [Name] rolled her eyes with a smile. Hanji was simply incredible at times. Well, scratch that, Hanji was _always_ incredible.

     »I am glad that everyone forbid me to sulk in my room. I am really excited about tonight and I honestly can’t wait to put the dress on. I never thought something like that would come out of my mouth.«

     »Now, that’s what I call a character development!« Hanji took a bite from her toast. »You’ll rock this night, I am sure of that. Oh, I can’t wait to get you in front of the camera since you don’t let me do that normally!«

     [Name] only giggled. Even if she didn’t like to be caught on camera, she wanted some photos to remind herself of this day. It would be the day that marked the ending of her school career. And hopefully, the beginning of a brighter future.

 

✿✿✿

 

     The afternoon at the hairdresser was really relaxing. It had actually been over a year since [Name] last had a hairdresser touch her but she didn’t really care about that. It felt good to just sit down and let someone else do the work. Hanji seemed to enjoy the rare treat, too.

     It was half past six when they were done and headed back home where Moblit was waiting for them with dinner. [Name] quietly asked herself when they would move in together, since they spent ninety percent of their free-time together but Hanji always said that it was still too early for them to make such a big change.

     After dinner, [Name] went upstairs to take a quick shower, careful not to ruin her hair and get dressed afterwards. She stood in front of the mirror, turning to every side to make sure that everything was where it belonged. She heard Moblit and Hanji talking and assumed they were getting ready as well.

     [Name] put some make-up on, careful not to overdo it. She had lent some eyeshadow from Historia since she didn’t want to spend money on something she would only use once and applied it the way her friend had taught her. [Name] wasn’t a fan of lipstick and just used some coloured lip balm. She was actually quite pleased with her appearance.

 

     When the doorbell rang, [Name] flinched. Her heart picked up its speed when she heard Armin’s voice downstairs and she grabbed her small handbag to go downstairs. She heard Hanji talk to Armin. »Oh, you look like a cute little gentleman, Armin!« she squealed. »Oh, I can’t wait to take some pictures. Moblit, do you have the camera?«

     »P-Please, that’s embarrassing, Ms. Zoe,« Armin rubbed the back of his neck shyly. When he heard some noises on the stairs, he looked up – and his eyes went wide. »[Name], you’re so beautiful.«

     [Name] slowly approached him and smiled. »T-Thank you, Armin. You look really handsome yourself tonight.« He wore a black suit and a white button-up, neglecting to put on a necktie or a bow.

     He held something in his hands. »Here, this is for you. I hope you like it.« The floral arrangement he had picked was really pretty. It perfectly matched the colour of her dress and she smiled kindly, asking him to put it around her wrist.

     »Ah, let me take pictures now or I will go insane!« Hanji had taken the camera out of Moblit’s hands while the latter sighed and grabbed his jacket. »Aw, come on, you two! Don’t be shy now!«

     Both of them were really hesitant at first but after about ten minutes, Hanji was satisfied and put the camera away, finally giving Armin and [Name] some time to relax. Armin just looked at his date for the night and smiled softly.

     »Why do you keep staring at me?« she asked shyly. »D-Do I have something on my face?«

     Armin chuckled. »No, you haven’t. It’s just, you look so stunning tonight, I somehow can’t keep my eyes off you, [Name]. Not that you’re not beautiful any other day but you would not believe me. I can see that you are comfortable with what you’re wearing.«

     »That obvious?« she asked, trying to hide the blush on her cheeks.

     »I am happy,« he said and took her hand, squeezing it lightly. »Thank you for not turning me down.«

     [Name] smiled. »Thank you for asking me.«

 

✿✿✿

 

     After they arrived at the school, [Name] and Armin went ahead to meet with their friends. The music was already playing and it seemed like they were one of the last couples to arrive. The gym was beautifully decorated and no one would think that there would be held lessons. It was crowded inside and Armin took [Name] by the hand to not lose her while they were searching for the table their friends were sitting at.

     »Armin, we’re here!« Eren waved in their direction and Armin and [Name] approached the table before sitting down. They were, indeed, the last of their friend group to arrive. »You look great, [Name]!«

     »Thank you, Eren,« she said politely. Eren was sitting next to Mikasa who was wearing a beautiful red dress and looked very pleased and happy. »You all look fantastic, guys.«

     »Well, I am positive that the most beautiful human being tonight is you, [Nickname],« said Jean with a grin and handed her a non-alcoholic drink. »You really didn’t lie when you said that [Name]’s dress would be gorgeous, ladies.«

     Historia smiled brightly. »As if we would lie! And I see that you followed my little make-up guide. You should do that more often, it really suits you.«

     [Name] giggled. »I will consider it.«

     »Hey, guys, looks like they started dancing!« Reiner exclaimed, who was apparently the only one without a date for the night, but didn’t really seem to be bothered by that. He was just happy that Annie finally gave in to Bertolt’s invitation. »So, how do we do this?«

     »Well, since we won’t be able to meet each other in this constellation any time soon after graduating, I would suggest every guy has a dance with every girl?« Marco smiled at his friends.

     »Yeah, let’s do that!« Sasha swallowed her mouthful of crisps and stood up. »Reiner, move your ass to the dance floor!« Overly excited, she pulled Reiner into the crowd while the others just laughed or rolled their eyes.

     Marco held out his hand to [Name]. »May I have your first dance? I want to see if my dancing lessons were successful.«

     [Name] just smiled and put her hand into his, letting him lead her to the dance floor. Marco brought her tightly to his chest, swaying lightly to the music. »You know that I love you, right?«

     »Yes, I do. And I love you, too, Marco.«

     »We’ll always be friends, I promise. I can’t imagine my life without you.« He slid his hands up and down her back. »You’re the best friend someone like me could wish for. Thank you.« He placed a kiss on her forehead.

     She smiled up to him. »I am the one who is grateful. You were the first friend I probably ever had in my life. And I seriously enjoy every second of that friendship, Marco, believe me. Thank you.«

 

     Someone else suddenly seized her by her waist and she was pulled towards another solid body. »Sorry to steal her away, love, but we all want to dance with out little sweetheart tonight.« Jean placed a sweet kiss on Marco’s lips before he headed off to dance with Mikasa.

     [Name] had expected for Jean to set a faster pace but surprisingly, he wrapped his arms securely around her waist, pulling her close and swaying gently. [Name] honestly enjoyed that. She wasn’t a great dancer but she knew Jean was – but even so, he had decided to just be close to each other.

     »I look forward to study with you,« he said and [Name] nearly sobbed. She was still so happy that she and Jean got accepted for the same art school. »It would’ve been horrible not to debate with you over colouring styles anymore.«

     »I am so happy,« she said quietly. The music was loud but Jean still understood her. »I love you so much, Jean. I don’t know where I would be without you.«

     Jean leaned down to whisper in her ear. »You’re the most inspiring girl I’ve ever had the pleasure to meet. Don’t ever forget that.«

 

     Reiner was the next, picking her up the ground and spinning her around like a madman. He grinned at her the entire time, joking about her fragile built but also telling her that he had the urge to protect her all the time.

     Connie took both of her hands in his and they just goofed around rather than dancing since Connie had no idea how that actually worked. It made [Name] laugh and feel happy, seeing her friend trying his best to keep up with the rhythm.

     When Bertolt took her hand, [Name] was already exhausted and he set a slow pace. It was funny to watch them dancing. Annie wore high heels that made her around seven centimetres taller but Bertolt was still gigantic compared to [Name]. He smiled softly, assuring her that she looked beautiful just as he had promised.

     Eren placed his hands around her waist with a big grin on his face. He was slightly out of rhythm but [Name] didn’t care. She and Eren had grown closer ever since the beginning of the year and she was grateful for that friendship. He was a great guy despite him always being a bit grumpy but his smile had something calming and warm that she really enjoyed.

 

     After about five minutes, Eren turned her around and slightly pushed her forward and [Name] stumbled right into Armin’s arms. She straightened up and gave him a warm smile. She put one of her hands on his shoulder and the other in his hand while he placed his free hand on her hip. The moment they got into position, a new song started. It was a slow love song.

     »You know,« Armin began after they had been quiet for several moments, »I should’ve told you this earlier but I had a serious crush on you a few months ago. But I was too afraid to actually confess to you, so I just let it pass by, I guess.« The look in his eyes was a bit sad.

     »This is really weird because … I felt the same. But I thought that you could never love someone like me and so I just gave up, kinda. The feelings just …,« she looked for the right word.

     »Shattered?« he said and smiled while pulling her closer. »Guess we’re both idiots somehow, huh?«

     [Name] laughed. »Yes, we are idiots. Armin, I want to thank you. You’re a precious friend to me and I hope that we will stay in contact after graduation. I really don’t want to lose you. Thank you for everything you have done for me. I feel that I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you and the others.«

     »Of course, we’ll keep in touch. I finally got the courage to talk normally to the girl I used to have a huge crush on.« Armin put both of his hands on her waist now, pulling her close. [Name] put her head on his shoulder, enjoying the gentle embrace while they rocked from side to side.

     »You are awesome, Armin Arlert.« She gave him a light kiss on the cheek.

 

✿✿✿

 

     The fresh night air felt good on his overheated skin. He couldn’t understand how Erwin was able to breathe with his jacket still on. He looked up to the sky. There were no clouds to be seen, the dark blue painted with billions of stars. Levi was thinking the whole night – about [Name]. She looked so unbelievably beautiful in that dress. It wasn’t too short, it didn’t show too much cleavage but most of all, she seemed comfortable wearing it – and that was all that counted.

     She really had lovely friends. They all had made her feel special the whole night, treating her like she was a precious jewel. How badly he wanted to dance with her. But that would be so awkward. Of course, some teachers did dance with their students occasionally but he was known for not having favourites and since he didn’t want the rumours to start so close before graduation, he had refused his urge to seize her by her waist and dance with her.

     Levi sighed. Two more days, he thought, then he could be with her. It had been over two months since he last kissed her, it was unbearable. He knew that he wanted to spend his life with her. It occurred to him every time that he stood in front of the class and looked at her. He wanted to wake up next to her every morning, to see her smile, to kiss her and hold her. He simply wanted to love her for the rest of his life. A smile crossed his features.

     »Do you want to take a breath, too?« He turned only to see the girl he was thinking about standing right in front of him. She was smiling, although she looked a bit tired – no wonder, she had been dancing all night. »It is pretty warm and crowded inside.«

     He pushed himself off the wall and walked towards her. »You shouldn’t go outside all by yourself, [Name]. Have you never heard about all the horrible stories from prom night?«

     She smiled kindly. »I saw you leaving and figured you wanted some fresh air.«

     He chuckled. »You amaze me, [Name]. And you look so beautiful tonight.«

     »Thank you. You look really handsome as well. I have a weakness for guys in suits.«

     »Is that why you were dancing with so many good-looking guys tonight?« he asked teasingly, hoping that no one would decide to take a breath that very moment. He wanted to enjoy their togetherness.

     »I didn’t get to dance with the most handsome of them all. The one I love so much.« She gave him a kiss on the cheek. She knew she would get lost if their lips actually connected and he knew that, too. »Two more days. I can’t wait.«

     »I love you,« he whispered. »And once those two days are over, I will dance with you all night long. Me wearing that suit and you wearing your lovely dress.«

     »Is that a promise, Mr. Ackerman?«

     He kissed her forehead. »It is, Miss [Last Name].«

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am in tears ... I love this chapter so, so much, you can't imagine how much this piece of fictions means to me. But the story wouldn't be so great without you, my dear readers. You give reader-chan a heart and a soul. Thank you ♥
> 
> See you next week!


	30. Yours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ! This is the last chapter of this story - and I want to be true to my tags so I tried to add a bit of smut. It is not very descriptive as I did not want to write porn but simply an intimate moment between two lovers. You can skip that part if you want. I fully admit that I had no idea what I was doing because I am a blushing virgin. But I let someone esle read it beforehand so it should be fine.
> 
> I wanted to upload the chapter earlier but my internet decided to be a little bitch, I am sorry.
> 
> Thank you for staying with me for so long and enjoy this last chapter ♥

     »[Name] [Last name].« She stepped forward and took her diploma. The principal shook her hand and she flashed a bright smile towards the crowd. It was a bit hard to see anything due to the flashlights from various cameras but she clearly saw Hanji and Moblit, the latter holding her while she sobbed from happiness. [Name] also spotted Erwin who looked like a really proud father, clapping just like anyone else but with way more enthusiasm than necessary.

     While she walked back to her classmates and out of the centre of attention, she saw Levi. His arms were crossed over his chest and there was a small smile on his lips while he looked up at her. _Finally_.

     The graduates descended from the stage and were surrounded by their relatives faster than they could even think. Hanji pulled [Name] in a bone-breaking hug and the girl gasped for air. »H-Hanji!«

     »I am so proud of you! My little girl has graduated from High School and now she’s off to see the world!« she sobbed hysterically. »And you’re the best of all of them, too! Oh, honey, I am lost for words!«

     »H-Hanji, please, I can’t breathe!« [Name] loved Hanji but her grip was so tight, it hurt. »And I will not go anywhere, my university is just an hour away or so!«

     Moblit pulled Hanji away from [Name] so she wouldn’t break her the moment she got her diploma. »We’re both proud of you, [Name],« he said and gave her a friendly hug as well. »You worked so hard for what you’ve accomplished, you’ve really earned it. Is there anything you want?«

     [Name] blinked. »Huh?«

     »Well, we’ve been thinking what to get you as a present for graduation but we couldn’t really think about anything in particular. So we wanted to ask you what you wanted,« said Hanji and wiped her eyes. »Do you have anything in mind?«

     Her cheeks flushed red. »You don’t have to get me anything, really. I am happy enough to have you in my life, there’s nothing I really want.«

     »Aw, you are such a sweet child. But we would really like to fulfil you a wish. You don’t have to tell us now if you don’t have anything on your mind. But think about something, okay?« Hanji ruffled through her hair. »What do you say? Shall we go and celebrate?«

     »Only if we keep you away from the alcohol,« said Moblit and [Name] at the same time.

     Hanji pouted. »You’re not fun at all!«

 

✿✿✿

 

     The day had been great. Moblit and Hanji had taken her to a very good restaurant in the neighbourhood and she had a great time with them. Moblit didn’t allow Hanji to order champagne since she always got drunk pretty fast from that and he didn’t want to ruin [Name]’s day by a drunk Hanji. After lunch, they went home together, letting [Name] relax a bit. Apparently, she had plans with Jean and Marco and they picked her up around three.

     The trio went out to eat ice cream and just be together before the lovely couple would go to the sea and stay there for two weeks. [Name] wasn’t much of a summer person and she didn’t really like the beach or anything related to it, so she was happy to stay in town the whole summer. But not only that. She could spend so much time with Levi it was unreal.

     And they would start their holidays together just like he had promised on Saturday.

 

     [Name] didn’t really like to lie to Hanji. She had promised to be honest but she couldn’t tell her that she would spend the night at Levi’s place. So, to avoid any unwanted situations, [Name] had told Hanji that she would be out with the girls tonight and sleep at one of their places. Hanji bought the lie, which [Name] felt a bit guilty for, and wished her a lot of fun, since she and Moblit would meet with some of their colleagues and were out of the house before [Name] was.

     [Name] collected a few things, including her prom dress, put everything in a bag and went outside were Levi was already waiting for her. He didn’t want her to take a taxi because he did not trust the drivers and got his loved one by himself.

     »I feel really sorry that we have to lie to Hanji,« he said once they were on their way back to his house. »But we can’t tell them we’re dating yet. They would pulverize me.«

     »Most likely,« [Name] said and sighed. »But I just want to enjoy this evening. After all, I am not your student anymore. I don’t regret anything, Levi. I know that I love you.« She smiled softly at him and put a hand on his thigh.

     »I want to enjoy this evening, too. And I want to keep my promise, [Name], you’ll see when we arrive.« He briefly smiled back at her but had to concentrate again since he was driving. It was a comfortable silence, [Name] looking out of the window while Levi smiled silently to himself. He’d never been happier in his entire life than in this very moment.

     Of course, this didn’t mean the end of all of their problems. There were still a lot of things to consider. They couldn’t simply go on dates like anyone else, at least not for the first few months. This might start rumours and Levi didn’t want to put [Name] through that again. Also, he wanted to keep that little secret just a little while longer. It made things more complicated and stressed, that much was true, but it also made the whole thing more intimate. It was their own little story, they didn’t need to share it with anyone. It was just him and her.

     When they entered the house, Levi told her that she could go upstairs and change while he would arrange everything. He actually had done some internet research for things that would be romantic but the rose petals would leave too much of a mess, so he had bought some candles to lighten up the living room instead of turning on the light. He had moved the sofa out of the way so they would have room to move without bumping into the furniture.

     After he had lit the candles and put some CDs out, he changed into his suit. It was warm inside his house so he neglected to put on his jacket and he rolled the sleeves of his black dress-shirt up to his elbows.

     »That’s really something,« he heard and he turned around. [Name] was standing right in front of him, looking more beautiful than ever. She did not wear any make-up today but she didn’t need that. She stepped closer and gave him a kiss on the cheek. »I didn’t even know you could be such a romantic, Levi.«

     He put his hands on her waist and pulled her closer. »Well, I am not, usually. I wasn’t too sure if the internet could help me but I gave it a go. Do you like it?«

     [Name] giggled. »To be honest, I am surprised that you would go such lengths to make me happy. But yes, I really like it. The atmosphere is _magical_.«

     »Let me turn the music on,« he whispered.

 

     It was better than she could’ve ever imagined. Her head rested on Levi’s shoulder while her eyes were closed. She had wrapped her arms around his neck while his rested on her hips, their bodies flush together. They gently swayed to the music, enjoying to be with one another. This was certainly better than prom, [Name] thought. No other people who would disturb them, no loud music, just the two of them, finally enjoying that they could be together now.

     »I love you.« His breath ghosted over her skin and let her shudder a bit. He rubbed soothing circles on her waist and placed sweet kisses on her forehead. »I am the happiest man in the whole world, [Name]. Thank you for loving me.«

     She looked up at him, searching his eyes. There was no coldness in them, nothing harsh and she was slowly getting lost in them. »I am the one who is grateful. I am so glad that I met you. Thank you.« She put her lips on his and closed her eyes, waiting for him to respond. His eyelids closed and his grip on her waist became a bit stronger, a bit more desperate, wanting to have her as near as possible, even though their bodies were already pressed flush together. He slowly moved his lips against hers, enjoying every moment of the tender kiss. It was almost like their first kiss – tender without any rush, without any crazy passion, just love and adoration. The wait had been worth it. Those months had shown both of them just how much they needed and loved each other and that a life without one another was just empty.

     »You are fantastic, [Name],« Levi breathed in between kisses, »intelligent and kind and magical.« His hands travelled up her back, softly kneading her muscles. »You are so special to me.« He had reached the nape of her neck and brushed some of her strands aside. »I love you so much.« He gently cupped her cheeks and brought their faces together again. [Name]’s hands were against his chest, feeling his heartbeat under her fingertips.

     Levi let his tongue glide upon her lower lip, hoping [Name] would get the hint. He noticed that she struggled a bit, not really knowing what she was supposed to do, but she parted her lips, just enough so he could slowly let his tongue glide into her mouth. He explored the unknown territory a bit before he felt her slowly respond the kiss. He smiled, her innocence was so sweet and adorable.

     They broke the kiss eventually and their eyes met. »I adore you, [Name],« he said, keeping her as close as possible, as if he would fear that she could just be a dream and that she would fade away.

     »You’re all I could’ve wished for and more,« she answered, sealing their lips again for a short kiss. »Thank you for being you. Thank you for simply existing, Levi.«

     He stopped her from kissing him again. »[Name], if we keep up like that, I’ll …« His cheeks flushed red. He couldn’t finish his sentence.

 

     [Name] took a deep breath. She knew what he wanted to say and she had honestly prepared herself for a situation like that. She put her arms around his neck and let her hands slowly brush through his undercut and higher to the longer strands. She kissed him again.

     »Levi,« she said with a clear voice and tried to hold the eye contact, »I really want this.«

     His breath hitched and his heart skipped a beat while he could only stare at [Name] with wide eyes. »[Name], you-you don’t have to push yourself. Don’t say something like that just because I can’t keep my composure. I am sorry, I shouldn’t have-«

     »I am serious,« she interrupted him, »I love you, Levi. And I trust you. I thought about it for a while, actually. I am ready for this. It might be a bit rushed but I would like you to know that I want to. Not for you, for me. You’re the only person I would want to be intimate with. I am no longer a little girl, Levi. I am an adult, remember?«

     He looked at her with slight concern. He searched for something in her features that would tell him to stop her from saying all this, to say no and just leave the topic alone, something that contained fear or panic – but he found nothing like that.

     »I would never force you to do something you don’t want,« he finally managed to say, still stunned by her sudden confession.

     She smiled. »I know that.« The tension in the air was rising.

     Levi certainly didn’t plan for this evening to go in this direction. He had expected her to be a lot more uptight and scared but the look on her face said otherwise. Did he want this? Well, of course he wanted to shower her with love but it was their very first evening together. Wouldn’t that prove that he was just after her body if he would give in to his carnal desires?

     »Stop thinking,« she whispered and grazed her nose against his cheek, »you’re thinking too much, Levi. I can hear your thoughts. You haven’t got anything to prove. If you don’t want to, that’s fine. But I let you know that I am fully ready for everything that’s to come. I want to be with you now and forever. I want to be as close to you as humanly possible.«

     Levi shook his head. »I am still no match for you, [Name].« He took her face in both hands and kissed her again.

 

✿✿✿

 

     The moment Levi laid her down on the mattress, nervousness began to spread through her body. She had never done anything like that before and her courage from before slowly started fading. But she still wanted this to happen. She wanted to know what it would feel like to be touched by Levi in a way only lovers touched each other. She wanted to cross the line with him and only him. It was a part of growing up, a part of being an adult. It would happen sooner or later but somehow, she didn’t want to wait. The night had been perfect so far, why not?

     »[Name], I need to know that I have your full consent. I promise not to hurt you and you have to tell me whenever you want to stop or take a break. I will not force you to do anything you don’t want. I will not be mad at you and if you say stop, it’s over, okay?« He placed a kiss on the top of her head.

     »I want you, Levi. Make love to me.«

     »Lay down,« he advised her, while he got up to gather a few things. She made herself comfortable in his pillows and patiently waited for him to come back. She was excited and nervous at the same time and the few moments Levi was gone felt like hours.

     He brought a towel with him and closed the door behind him. Both of them had agreed to keep the lights out since the moon and the light post outside were enough to lighten up the room so they could actually see each other. And it was a bit less embarrassing, to be honest. Levi knew that she didn’t like her body very much and the dim light made her feel more comfortable.

     Levi slowly crawled onto the mattress, sitting right in front of her. He leaned forward to kiss her. A short kiss on her lips, a kiss to her cheek and her jaw. He slowly dragged his mouth farther to her neck and caressed the soft skin there while she just put her arms around his neck, not entirely sure what to do. Oh, how he had wished to taste her skin. It was soft just like he had expected and she smelled so nice. »I want to put a necklace around here, [Name],« he breathed against her tender skin and a shiver ran down her spine. »A dainty silver necklace with a stone that matches the colour of your eyes.«

     He reached around and rubbed soothing circles on her back until he reached the zipper of her dress. As he slowly dragged it down, he felt her trembling hands reluctantly fumbling with the buttons of his shirt. »You’re doing great, [Name], relax,« he whispered and kissed her forehead. The moment she had opened all of the buttons, he gently removed her dress, leaving her only in her underwear.

     [Name] blushed horribly, her arms immediately trying to cover her up. Levi reached for her wrists and gently removed her arms from her body. He urged her to lean back into the pillows while placing open-mouthed kisses all over her skin. »Don’t,« he said, »you are so beautiful.«

     He shrugged off his shirt and placed it next to her dress before he leaned down to have a closer look at her. She was so small and fragile and every part of her body looked so soft. »D-Don’t stare too much, Levi.«

     He chuckled. »I want to treasure this picture. You are perfect, [Name]. So perfect.« He went back to kissing her neck while she played with the strands of his hair. He heard a soft gasping sound when he nipped at a particular place on her neck and he smiled, immediately attacking that spot again to earn more of her noises. Levi gently explored her body with his hands, nails lightly scratching her thigh and up to her hips and waist. [Name] raked her own fingers up and down his back, exploring as well.

     Levi was a beautiful man, she thought. He was muscular and his skin felt wonderfully soft to the touch. Suddenly, she flinched. Levi had cupped one of her breasts through her bra.

     »Do you want me to stop?« He looked at her with concern in his eyes.

     She shook her head. »It just surprised me, that’s all.«

     »May I remove it?« She nodded and arched her back so he could unclasp it. The moment it was open, [Name] laid back down, letting him remove the straps. Leaving her only in her panties, she flushed an even darker red, if that was possible. »I am sorry that there is not much to see.« It gave both of them the opportunity to laugh, easing some of the nervousness. He cupped her breast again. »I am not tall so my hands are rather small but don’t they say that a handful is enough? [Name], I seriously couldn’t care less. You are beautiful and perfect by any means.«

     »You’re pretty perfect yourse-,« she involuntarily moaned and covered her mouth. Levi had begun to knead her breasts lightly. He smiled at the sounds she tried to cover and continued massaging her breasts. She looked so unbelievably cute right now. He leaned down, pressing his lips to her collarbone. He felt her tremble under his touch.

 

     He continued his actions for a while before he let his hands explore her body farther. When he reached the hem of her panties, he looked right into her eyes. She looked a bit exhausted, her cheeks were flushed and she was panting a little. »Do you want to continue?«

     She nodded, not trusting her voice anymore. Levi leaned forward, connecting their lips while he slipped his hand towards her clothed clit. She gasped into the kiss when she felt him brush her most sensitive spot. Since she had never touched herself, she didn’t know what to feel right now. It felt a bit strange but good all the same as he moved his fingers in slow circles.

     He felt her getting wetter by his ministrations, while he tried to ignore the growing tightness in his pants. He wanted to make her first time as good as possible and as long as she felt pleasure, it was all he could ask for.

     »Don’t you want to-to take your pants off?« he heard her ask and he stopped for a brief moment to look at her. »D-Don’t you feel uncomfortable?«

     To his embarrassment, the bulge in his pants was pretty prominent and he blushed. [Name] smiled. Since he made her feel so good, she felt a bit bad for him that she didn’t really know how to make it also good for him.

     After getting rid of his trousers, he traced his fingers along the hem of her panties again. »May I?« he asked, again searching for some sort of fear or concern in her eyes. But she only nodded. He hooked his fingers under the fabric and slowly slid it off her legs, leaving her as bare as on the day she was born.

     [Name] felt like she would burst right then and there from embarrassment. She felt feverish and a little light-headed and her heart beat really fast. She looked at Levi who was taking in the sight right before him. He smiled. He smiled at her. Maybe, she thought, maybe he really found her beautiful. Maybe she was not that ugly after all.

     But all rational thoughts escaped from her mind when he slid his fingers along her wet core. She let loose a moan and she tilted her head back into the pillows while here hands desperately searched for something to hold onto.

     »Say,« he began in a low and deep voice that made her shudder, »have you ever touched yourself before?« In addition, he rubbed slow circles on her clit again.

     »N-No,« she stuttered, trying hard to keep her moans in, »I-I haven’t.«

     »Tell me if it hurts, okay?« He slid a finger along her entrance before slowly entering her. It was a strange sensation but not unpleasant. He continued to work his digit in and out of her while placing sweet kisses on her skin and occasionally brushing her clit in time with his movements.

     [Name] moaned for all she was worth while Levi was giving her pleasure she’d never felt before. She had a tight grip on the sheets, nearly ripping them apart.

     The moment he added a second finger, she almost sobbed. Levi kissed her. »Relax,« he cooed, while he continued his actions. He curled and spread his fingers inside her, making [Name] gasp and moan, unable to control her voice.

 

     [Name] felt a strange sensation in her stomach, something she had never felt before. But she didn’t have enough time to figure it out since Levi withdrew his fingers, leaving a strangely empty feeling. He leaned over to kiss her. She was a panting mess by now.

     He finally removed his boxers and [Name] wanted to look anywhere but at him. He reached for the towel he had brought earlier and spread it out under her before grabbing a condom and a bottle of lube from his nightstand.

     »Are you really sure, [Name]? We can stop whenever you want, okay?« His breath was warm against her neck and she nodded, fingers lingering on his arms as he leaned in to kiss her. He sat back afterwards, ripping the little package open and slipping on the condom.

     Taking it very slowly, he pressed up against her and reminded her to relax as best as she could. She held onto him, focussing on the soothing sound of his voice while he slowly pushed inside her until there was no more to go.

     The sensation was very odd at first. It didn’t hurt and it wasn’t exactly unpleasant, just new and weird. But that sensation slowly faded into pleasure and the feeling of being so filled up by him actually made her tear up. »Did I hurt you?« His voice sounded a bit panicked.

     »No, no, it doesn’t hurt,« she assured him and brought him down to peck his lips.

     Levi gave it his all to make it as good for her as possible. She soon started moaning again and her grip on his back and shoulders tightened with every careful trust. He felt amazing. And he really hoped that she felt the same. Judging from the sounds she made, she actually did enjoy it.

     [Name]’s head was spinning. Her heart was racing and she was overwhelmed by all the feelings that wrecked her body. She didn’t even notice all the sounds that came over her lips. The strange sensation she felt earlier was forming very fast this time. All of her muscles tensed and she could only manage to cry Levi’s name out before she came undone, legs shaking and trembling in Levi’s arms.

     Levi panted when he felt her walls clenching around him and it didn’t even take him half a second to follow her, moaning out her name, before he collapsed on top of her.

 

✿✿✿

 

     »I hope you don’t regret anything, [Name].« Levi brushed some of her strands out of her face, holding her close to him with his other hand.

     »Oh, I certainly don’t regret it, Levi. I enjoyed it even if I was embarrassed at first. Thank you.« She kissed the tip of his nose and nuzzled her face into the crook of his neck.

     It was only the beginning of their blossoming relationship but both of them wanted to enjoy every second of it. For the first time in an entire year, [Name] closed her eyes, feeling loved and good and just happy.

     Levi felt her even breathing and the steady beating of her heart, knowing that, when he would wake up in the morning, she would still be there. And they would still love each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank you, my dear readers. You gave those words I've written down a meaning, you gave this story life and I couldn't be more grateful for that. A community like you is everything that I could've wished for and even more. You made a better person out of me while I was trying to make the best plot possible for you and I hope you enjoyed it.  
> Thank you for every comment I recieved, I've read each one of them with great joy. Thank you for every minute you considered worth it to read this story. Thank you so much for everything. You are great. All of you. ♥
> 
> This story had now ended but don't be sad - as of next week I will be publishing the sequel to this story! Its name will is "All I ever wanted" so look out for it ♥
> 
> Thank you again. Thank you for making all of this possible. My dear readers, you are truly amazing.
> 
> Yours sincerely.  
> the author, Gegenwind


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